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ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

548 replies

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 00:49

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home Hmm anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 07/06/2016 13:56

As I said, I might think "ok, I wont come back herein a hurry" but if I was staying I wouldn't not cooperate.

I want to know why its ok for the son to ask but not the OP.

It doesn't sound like the OP didn't allow noise/talking at all - only at the baby's bed time? Hardly the end of the world to just read for 30 mins, is it?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/06/2016 13:57

I've just read the thread, speechless!

I shouldn't worry Op, I doubt very much he will come to be scolded like a naughty child and made to feel inherently unwelcome visit again anytime soon, your "hosting" skills will see to that!

I would really urge you to work on a better routine for your son, having to feed to sleep in silence is,frankly, ridiculous.

WaspsandBeesSting · 07/06/2016 13:57

But you would tell them the runnings of the house if they were staying there to house-sit for a few weeks, wouldn't you? So I'm not seeing "rules" here, I am seeing "this is how things are done in the house for smooth running" :s*

The baby won't be there.

What is the OP going to do on the plane or while traveling if people are making a noise and she is wanting the DC to sleep? Make sure everyone is quiet? Is she going to insist everyone leaves the room when she is on vacation?

If the OP isn't there is it the end of the world if a banana skin is in the wrong bin?

Also there is no excuse for the derogatory comments about his MH. No excuse whatsoever.

CoolforKittyCats · 07/06/2016 13:59

It doesn't sound like the OP didn't allow noise/talking at all - only at the baby's bed time? Hardly the end of the world to just read for 30 mins, is it?

'Doesn't allow' Hmm I think you'LL find you can't dictate to others.

halighhalighaliehaligh · 07/06/2016 14:02

Well actually I think it is really rude to ask someone you have invited to stay to be silent each night at bedtime. I also think that being sent out of the room each feeding time is really unwelcoming. Why invite people to stay in your house if your routine is that restrictive?
And well done to you - you would keep your discontent to yourself but the FIL isn't you. The things he has done sound mainly like minor irritants anyway - putting stuff in the wrong bin and moving washing????? Maybe communication with the son is better because he has been more welcoming?

Whisky2014 · 07/06/2016 14:11

I didn't say the baby would be there?!?!

What is the OP going to do on the plane or while traveling if people are making a noise and she is wanting the DC to sleep? Make sure everyone is quiet? Is she going to insist everyone leaves the room when she is on vacation? She will probably do nothing, as she can't. But in her house, she surely can if it makes her life easier?

No, the banana skin isn't the end of the world but as a previous poster stated, the bin collection men won't take the rubbish if it's in the wrong bin..so it could be pretty annoying when he could just put the sodding skin in the right bin!

So, so far she is a terrible host because she:
Asked him to be a bit quieter when she was getting her baby to sleep.
Asked him to put waste into a correct colour of bin
Asked him to go read in his room until she got the baby to sleep.
She asked him to use a squidgee for the shower.

So far he has:
Outwardly said he will refuse to contact agents if anything goes wrong in the house.
Has ignored requests to be quieter while she gets her kid to sleep
Moved the clean wet washing onto a stinky dog bed
Told her it is his house
Refused to move from the sofa when asked
Refused to use the correct colour of bin.
Cut her off abruptly ("stop, enough")

Fuck me. Nice to see you all trying to help her. The title says she is shaking. She is anxious about the trip with the baby. And the majority here are saying tough shit, you're horrible ocd, controlling etc etc. FFS Nice.

She did apologise for using certain words btw.

Whisky2014 · 07/06/2016 14:13

'Doesn't allow' hmm I think you'LL find you can't dictate to others.*

What?

LittleLionMansMummy · 07/06/2016 14:15

At 9 months doesn't the baby go to sleep in a cot in a room of its own? Confused as to why it's being put down to sleep for the nigh in a living area.

halighhalighaliehaligh · 07/06/2016 14:18

Getting the baby to sleep and feeding them aren't one offs though are they? Would you really appreciate going to stay in someone's house in another country as a favour to them and being regularly stuck in your room? I can't see how that can be viewed as a remotely acceptable way to treat someone who has travelled a long way to house sit for you.

Whisky2014 · 07/06/2016 14:23

I agree it is not a great set up. No, I wouldn't appreciate it but I also wouldn't retaliate by being difficult and tbh I would probably think "ok, its obviously important to her it is done this way so ill just go to my room" or somewhere else. It doesn't have to be the bedroom does it?

WaspsandBeesSting · 07/06/2016 14:28

Fuck me.

No need to be rude.

Nice to see you all trying to help her. The title says she is shaking. She is anxious about the trip with the baby. And the majority here are saying tough shit, you're horrible ocd, controlling etc etc. FFS Nice.

She admits she is controlling. She has ridiculed his MH issues. Don't see you condoning that.

Who has said 'tough shit' no one

He may have been anxious about visiting.

He is doing them a favour.

halighhalighaliehaligh · 07/06/2016 14:30

The 'stop, enough' comment to me sounds like he's had enough of the endless rules about noise, where things can go, where he can sit etc. Fair enough if you would keep quiet about it Whisky. I'd like to think I would as well but everyone has a breaking point. I certainly wouldn't be going back that's for sure!

CoolforKittyCats · 07/06/2016 14:31

So, so far she is a terrible host because she:
Asked him to be a bit quieter when she was getting her baby to sleep.
Asked him to put waste into a correct colour of bin
Asked him to go read in his room until she got the baby to sleep.
She asked him to use a squidgee for the shower

You missed off dismissing and using derogatory terms to describe his MH.

Whisky2014 · 07/06/2016 14:35

Did she do that to his face?

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feathermucker · 07/06/2016 14:41

Op - am I being unreasonable?

Pretty much everybody - YES

Op - no I'm not (stamps feet)

Pretty much everybody - sigh

YABU

You already had your heckles up. If you want him to feel like a guest, bloody treat him like so.

You becoming ridiculously, over-the-top wound up about this does not mean it's his fault.

Bloody chill out

WhisperingLoudly · 07/06/2016 14:42

I tried to avoid the pile on and got told I was patronising. Which was ironic.

Whisky2014 · 07/06/2016 14:43

He's not stupid. He will know right well what she thinks

So he will also know what bin to put a banana skin in then, won't he?

RestlessTraveller · 07/06/2016 14:47

Has the op been back since people asked what she has done to address her own issues?

feathermucker · 07/06/2016 14:48

His responses are directly proportional to your requests; you're obviously winding each other up.

For it to make you THIS wound-up though?! HmmHmmHmm

Banana skin - Jesus, pick your fucking battles!!

Pimmmms · 07/06/2016 14:48

MH issues or not, ANYONE that will listen to the MALE of the house but will act horrible to the FEMALE is a mysoginistic twat (confirmed by twat's ex wife and daughter). MH and twattery are not mutually exclusive!

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whattodowiththepoo · 07/06/2016 14:49

YABU

Whisky2014 · 07/06/2016 14:51

MH issues or not, ANYONE that will listen to the MALE of the house but will act horrible to the FEMALE is a mysoginistic twat (confirmed by twat's ex wife and daughter). MH and twattery are not mutually exclusive! Exactly!

I cannot, as I posted already, get my head around what bin what rubbish goes in at DS house. I am sure it's more likely that you just can't be bothered to try and get your head around it and because it's not your house you don't care so much. Nice.

NoFuchsGiven · 07/06/2016 14:55

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