ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

[lamingtonnutty]

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

But "everything" else is a mild irritation at best, or would be if the OP didn't have issues of her own that remain unaddressed and pandered to.

I'm sorry, but it is beyond cruel to have a mentally ill person in your home and be unspeakably rude to him, especially when he's doing you a favour.

And it's supposed to be somehow excusable because OP has explained how irrational she is? That's not ok.

If he has to temper his behaviour, then she has to temper hers. Otherwise, she can cancel her trip and watch her own house, or kennel the dogs.

And if her dp is unwilling to do that then he needs to support her in getting help for her issues, not allow her to treat his father this way and hope everything gets magically fixed!

Only read the first page but if your guest can't talk because the baby won't settle and you're not prepared to feed in front of them or go to a different room then I don't think you should have house guests until your lo is a bit older. It's spectacularly rude and unwelcoming to send an adult to their room who is a guest in your home. I'm not surprised he's not being particularly nice to you. If I was him I'd be counting down the days until I could leave.

I honestly can't see why the op is getting such a hard time here. Especially when she's made it very clear she has never had a problem with any other guests or anyone else from her DH's family. She hasn't necessarily expressed herself brilliantly tbh, but its not hard to work out what the situation is. I think there are people who now look for any reason to give a poster a hard time, quite frankly!!

The FIL sounds like a mysoginistic twat who is completely ignoring her wishes in HER own home! I thought the shower thing was odd, until the op explained how the water would leak onto the floor if it wasn't done. Anyone that didn't have enough bloody brains to understand why it should be a little quieter when you're putting a child to bed is an idiot, particularly before flying on a holiday. Noone wants overtirec children on a flight.

The recycling is quite important actually, as many councils in Australia won't collect 'contaminated' recycling.

Op, i hope tomorrow goes better for you!

But is he actually going to look after the house? - it doesn't seem that way!
Is he actually going to end up flooding the place and not contacting anyone to sort it out?
Is he actually going to feed the dogs or will he give them away?

I don't know if she is "unspeakably rude"? She asked for some space and he refused. He ignores the request to put things in certain bins - I think that is rude.

We don't actually know what MH problems he has. If they are so bad how come there's no proper diagnosis/medication going on?

Oh and people should note, that when the op says overseas, from Australia that is a HUGE flight to get to almost anywhere in the world with a child!

Yes, I think it sounds like he is being difficult because she is a woman and thinks it's the sons house not hers etc.

If that had been me I would have just breastfed in the bedroom then come out if not comfortable. Think that's rather rude to have asked him to go to his room.

I just don't think I'd feel particularly welcome staying in someone else's house being shushed and banished to another room every time the baby needed feeding. I can't get my head around treating a guest in your home that way. Especially when they are doing you a favour. Sounds like the fil is doing things on purpose to annoy the op now because she's been so unpleasant to him.

Other stuff however sounds like he is rude and inconsiderate and saying he won't let you know about problems with your house wouldn't inspire confidence, but really all of that stuff should have been discussed with his son as it would come across as you being bossy to be honest. Also, seems like a lot of hassle having someone house sit.

Personally I'd just put the dogs in kennels. It'd be cheaper too by the sound of it.

Joke thread, surely? No one can seriously be this unreasonable and unpleasant? I hope it has provided you with good entertainment OP!

Er, have you been reading the OP's posts?

She said he is schizophrenic and has been admitted to hospital more than once because of it.

I haven't a clue whether he'll look after the house properly, but he's there because he was invited and asked to look after the house.

Hardly his fault.

How do you know he purposely put the bloody banana skin in the wrong bin?

It could just as easily have been a tiny, insignificant mistake.

And Pimms that's a really unpleasant way to talk about someone with severe MH problems.

but really all of that stuff should have been discussed with his son as it would come across as you being bossy to be honest.

So she can't ask him to report anything going wrong to the agents because that will seem bossy but his son can? FFS

We don't actually know what MH problems he has. If they are so bad how come there's no proper diagnosis/medication going on?

Yes we do actually if you RTFT!

He managed to navigate an airport and be on a plane for 4 hours. I'm sure he can understand not having his feet up on the dining table, putting a banana skin in the correct bin, not having loud crap on youtube when you try to get a baby to sleep.

The OP states that if her partner had asked his dad to do these things he will do it. So its not a problem of him not understanding it is a problem of him not caring about her, not listening to her requests on purpose...

I'm sure when the OP arrives to visit her parents she'll be happy and excited to chat to them ......just as FIL living four hours away was to see his son. If they tell her to STF up and banish her to her bedroom she'll be feeling unwanted and wonder why she made the effort to go and see them and likely to be uncooperative with them ........just as FIL has. Clearly in the OPs world everything takes second place to baby and she has forgotten that isn't how the rest of the world operates and it has made her at best a poor host. I hope she winds her neck in before FIL loses patience and goes home leaving her travelling alone to see her parents whilst OH stays home with the dogs contemplating how his wife not only was horrible to his Dad but wrecked his own trip too.

Even if I went to someone's house and they asked me to do something I don't suddenly become uncooperative! I'd do what they ask and if I thought it was weird I'd think "ok, wont comeback here in a hurry".

If they asked me to use a certain bin - I would.
If I was house sitting and they said please contact these people if anything goes wrong - I would. I certainly wouldn't say "no" or "stop, enough". THAT is rude!
I wouldn't move anyone's wet washing anywhere
I wouldn't ignore requests to turn music/videos down.

She asked the guy to leave the room to get her kid to sleep...big deal. You'd get over that you wouldn't then be obnoxious and rude for the rest of the stay.

The OP states that if her partner had asked his dad to do these things he will do it. So its not a problem of him not understanding it is a problem of him not caring about her, not listening to her requests on purpose

OP also states she can be controlling. Don't see you calling for her to stop doing that.

You don't know if he 'navigated the airport' on his own. It hasn't been stated either way.

unlike the FIL MH diagnosis that you hadn't read about

Or Whisky I would actually try to make people feel welcome on my home without throwing rules about, making them leave rooms and talking about their MH in a derogatory way.

Let's hope everyone sits is silence on the plane so OP can get her DC to sleep then

Wow - what a thread. It never ceases to amaze me how rigid and hysterical some people can be about minor inconveniences and trivial, temporary domestic cleanliness/tidiness issues. Maybe the FIL IS awful, maybe he does have serious mh issues. However, neither of those conclusions are actually evident from the (at most) mildly irritating things the OP's said that he's done during this visit. What certainly is evident is that the OP has serious issues herself but expects the rest of the world to accommodate them, however rude and demanding she might be about it. Moving a pile of washing and putting a banana skin in the wrong bin? Seriously .

Yeh I didn't see the post about the diagnosis, not sure how.

But if the OP says if the partner had asked his dad to do something, he will do it but not when the OP asks that is nothing to do with MH problems, is it?

He sounds awful. Just try and persevere though and then never again! It's your house, of course he should respect that.

Or Whisky I would actually try to make people feel welcome on my home without throwing rules about, making them leave rooms and talking about their MH in a derogatory way.

But you would tell them the running*s of the house if they were staying there to house-sit for a few weeks, wouldn't you? So I'm not seeing "rules" here, I am seeing "this is how things are done in the house for smooth running" :s

He is probably refusing to co-operate with the op because she is being so rude and unwelcoming. Maybe he should turn the other cheek but when you are doing someone a favour and they are rude to you it doesn't tend to make you very well disposed towards them. If the op needs silence for her child to sleep and has to feed in a particular room then that's her prerogative but don't invite people to stay. You invite someone over then not let them so much as talk and send them off to their room like a naughty child at feeding times. Would anyone on here think that was an acceptable way to treat a guest or be happy with that kind of treatment themselves?