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ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

548 replies

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 00:49

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home Hmm anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

OP posts:
Kittyrobin · 07/06/2016 08:05

What exactly did your dp think would happen by having his dad over to stay? Surely he knows him and you and that you are not compatible in your personalities?

Perhaps he just wanted to spend some time with his dad and hoped that it would be OK. It must be hard for him to know that you are bad mouthing his dad to his sister and mum, hurtful even if it is true.

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 08:05

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Motherfuckers · 07/06/2016 08:07

You are just bringing up the drugs expecting sympathy to the plight of having to suffer him for a few days. But you are quite happy to use him for dog sitting etc. I know what I would do.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:09

Tiger,
Wow! What a load. That brought me back down to earth. Thank you. How did you cope?!?

I do have anxiety, and can be controlling when I'm feeling that way. DP knows that and I did warn FIL about that.

I didn't say he was autistic, apparently he has schizophrenia. But that's only what I've heard in conversation

In hindsight this was an awful idea, but like j said, we had always gotten along and thought he would be happy to be here and see his GC

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:11

Awh, potentially, I've only been feeling like this the last few weeks.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 07/06/2016 08:11

Luckily I know I'm not being unreasonable,

Really?

You are

Pagwatch · 07/06/2016 08:11

That's a great post Tiger.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:11

Kitty, I told him I've spoken to his sister and he said it was a good idea. He agrees that his Father has been a nightmare.

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:12

I didn't want him here, it was my partners choice. I wa a happy for them to go into kennels. He was adamant they do not.

OP posts:
awhfuck · 07/06/2016 08:12

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DeathStare · 07/06/2016 08:13

I think the best thing you can do now is acknowledge to FIL that this isn't going to work out and buy him his ticket home for asap. Then either find other arrangements for the dog or cancel the trip. It's clearly not worth this.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:13

And I don't want sympathy about that. I just want people to stop saying 'poor dear FIL'

OP posts:
awhfuck · 07/06/2016 08:14

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Roussette · 07/06/2016 08:15

I agree that you should call a halt to this. You are going to be so stressed when you return from the trip, imagine if something is out of place, if the recycling hasn't been done properly, if there's a mess?

Surely, it would have been better to employ a proper dog sitting service.

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 08:16

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2nds · 07/06/2016 08:19

I think it's hilarious that she's moaning about all these things yet she's still planning her holiday which signifies that he's not as bad as that.

OP people who are that long in the tooth and set in their ways don't change overnight to suit someone else.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:20

as far as I'm concerned, he is. He has been admitted a couple of times.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 07/06/2016 08:20

I feel sorry for your DP, caught between you and his dad.

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:22

I've hired a cleaner to come just before we arrive, because I am aware of how I am with those things. My partner, my FIL, know how I am. I tell people I'm advanced. And all I ask is for them to do simple things so I don't get so worked up. He has basically refused to do anything, pop anything he uses away. Move anything dangerous out of the way so I'm constantly running around making sure he baby can't get this or get that.

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:23

I don't have any medical experience, but when I'm told someone has something and they have been admitted? Do I not believe them? Assume my partner lied about this and ask to see medical records? It was years ago, way before I was on the scene.

OP posts:
lamingtonnutty · 07/06/2016 08:24

I'm telling you what I know! How is hat arrogant?!

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/06/2016 08:24

In hindsight this was an awful idea, but like j said, we had always gotten along and thought he would be happy to be here and see his GC

I didn't want him here, it was my partners choice. I wa a happy for them to go into kennels.

Sorry don't get it, which is it? You were happy with the arrangement until when? Is he unhappy, are you actually letting him see his gc , play with him even. Does your dh know what the MH is or just on hearsay?

awhfuck · 07/06/2016 08:24

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hellothereitsme · 07/06/2016 08:25

You expect a lot from your guests. Your FIL doesn't sound mental just a thoughtless old man. However if I was him I would say did this lark and leave you to sort out the house sit. I don't expect my kids to recycle correctly let alone my guests. Controlling.

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