I don't know who was wrong more

[Villagebike3]

I know I'm wrong, I just don't know how wrong.

My 13 year old son is challenging. Due to poor behaviour he is on a 24 hour ban of his iPad. He hid himself away and used his iPad. I told him off for breaking the ban and being sneaky.

I called him to the dinner table and said that as he broke the ban he now had a week ban and changed the passcode so he couldn't sneak it away. He then became 'mouthy' with me and threaten to stab me with his dinner knife... Covered in beans.

I slapped him across the face and Todd him not to back chat me as he was in the wrong and now threatening me with a knife.

My husband came along and told me off. This totally undermined me and now my son is upstairs (sent to his room) and husband refuses to come down to eat.

Go on... Tell me then.

I think there are a number of issues here.

Your DH should have supported you more - a 13 year old who gets the idea that threatening will get him what he wants is going to be a handful when he gets to be taller and, probably, stronger,than his mum. Your DH needs to sit down with him and explain that threatening gets him no-where.

You need to get a grip though. Thirteen year olds back chat (blimey my 9 year old back chats!). I used to almost take the doors off the hinges when I stormed out of rooms, slamming them behind me. My mum and dad just refused to get riled by it, waited until I'd calmed down and then gave me the bollocking of my life about how to behave. Refusing to rise to the bait is hard but it's often the most effective. Your DS didn't make you lose your temper - you lost your own temper. I presume, if he'd been a toddler, you'd have handled it differently? That's what I mean - you choose the response. He can stamp, goad, shout all he wants but if you can switch off and get control of yourself you may be able to get control of him.

BTW I've never used this but my friend swears by Our Pact - apparently it's a free app that you can use which links your child's iPad to your phone. She uses it to switch off her 9 year old's iPad if it's used upstairs (my friend only lets the IPad be used in the living room or kitchen so she can keep an eye on what sites are being used). As soon as her child switches on the iPad she gets a message and can close it down with a swipe of her smart phone. She can also put a timer on the iPad via the app - so at 8pm or whatever the whole thing switches off and mum has to reactivate it from her phone. As I say, I've not used it as we don't have an iPad but thought it may be helpful for some people.