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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if people who always upload selfies are vain or insecure?

220 replies

Makeupbabes · 03/06/2016 08:52

I have a few people on my Facebook who upload selfies of themselves every single day, now these women aren't teenagers in fact one of them is almost 30 so I can't help but wonder to always be uploading selfies are they just vein or really insecure & seek out people's likes & approval? 🤔 Either way it's like a get a bloody hobby 😆

OP posts:
spankhurst · 03/06/2016 17:44

I really don't get it. Posting lots of selfies doesn't say anything good about you, no matter how flattering the angle..

Muskateersmummy · 03/06/2016 18:23

I am partial to taking the odd selfie! My day off is often spent just me and my little dd so it's nice to take the odd selfie of us both. I take loads of photos, of her, of the places we visit, of our dog, all sorts of things and yes selfies are a part of that too! If we didn't take selfies of our days out together we wouldn't have many photos of us. It's not doing any one any harm, it makes family who don't get to see us that often happy to see our adventures. I don't see it as being vain or insecure.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2016 18:31

Maybe the person has so many Instagram followers they are earning income from it?

inarmsofanangel · 03/06/2016 18:58

Maybe I'm too old (36) but I don't get it either. I'd feel way too embarrassed to be able to do it the way some people do. I upload pics now and again with the kids but these are pretty rare.
It is, imo insecurity and a need for young peeps to keep feeling they need to be assured of their looks by the comments they get. Mind you, plenty of older people do it too on my fb. Obsession.
I don't feel 'ugly', I wear a bit of make up most days and try to dress nicely, however to think everyone else wants to see my mutt everyday is just narc imo.

Pedestriana · 03/06/2016 20:24

I know a few people who do this. It bores me rigid. I don't see the point of taking photo after photo of yourself. To me it seems shallow. But each to their own. I don't comment on them and have recently hidden someone's profile because I am sick of seeing yet another trout pout face.

angstybaby · 03/06/2016 20:29

from what i can tell, the purpose of putting a selfie up where it's you looking gorgeous is so that other people tell you how gorgeous you look. i've never seen any other reason for it than that.

i think the no make-up selfies are worse though - at least the full make-up vain ones are honest about their vanity!

and what about the linking to other mums you think are great mums?! vanity and self-congratulation galore...

AyeAmarok · 03/06/2016 20:32

I have a few of these people on my Facebook.

One is a guy, early 30s, lives in Dubai and constantly posts selfies of himself (complete with pouts) of him #livingthehighlife #partyingonayachtwithbeautifulwomen etc.

The other is an early 30s woman. Wherever she goes and whatever she does she posts a new album. One photo will be of the scene so you know where she is, then between 5-10 selfies. Occasionally a few might have another pouting friend in them. Sometimes she's just in her bedroom (using the hairdryer as a wind machine). Usually she pouts, but sometimes she is doing that sort of smirk thing on one side of your mouth? I think it's meant to be sexy.

The other is my SIL who is late 20s. She does the #carselfie #workselfie #shoppingselfie thing and all her wee pals go OMG gawjis huni, beautiful inside and out etc. She asked me to get Snapchat so, and I quote, "I can send you my selfies" Hmm I just said "I know what you look like, I don't want Snapchat". I didn't want to be forced to have to respond positively to numerous selfies when all I think when I see them is "please stop doing that weird expression".

I agree it's a weird conflict of vanity and insecurity.

Queenbean · 03/06/2016 21:06

AyeAmorak

I know a guy exactly like the first guy! He posts stuff like "have a beautiful morning everyone!" And somehow gets 150 likes. Maybe it's the same guy?! Does his first name begin with D?

AyeAmarok · 03/06/2016 21:26

No sadly it's not a D, it's an S.

Oh God, there's two of them! Maybe it's the Dubai lifestyle? Confused

Alconleigh · 03/06/2016 21:37

I don't have Facebook, so this largely passes me by. It's not a social media objection, I love Twitter, but find that is an outward looking tool, about engaging with events and organisations and people you may not have known about, whereas FB is the opposite - gruellingly tedious levels of detail about people you already know (and often don't actually like judging by the endless bitching about it)......

Although I did do a loud snort of derision when I noticed a friends profile pic on What's App had changed to a duck face selfie......I am hoping it's ironic as we are thirty cocking nine.......

CauliflowerBalti · 03/06/2016 21:41

When I was a single mum living a fairly isolated life, there was no-one else to take photos of me other than me and I used to take selfies as a way of proving and recording that I exist. There was no-one else to observe me. I hadn't fully appreciated how important it was to feel seen and noticed when there is no-one there to actually do it.

So now I don't judge. And have a partner and feel observed, so take less photos.

green18 · 04/06/2016 09:22

I don't get it so YANBU. I understand that they might take the selfie for themselves to check how they look though that's what I thought mirrors were for but to share is just saying , " Look at me!" When I was a teenager in the 80s, anyone who showed any signs of loving themselves was labelled a poser and it was the worst possible thing, shameful intact. I can't believe how far we are from that position now.

green18 · 04/06/2016 09:22

in fact.

green18 · 04/06/2016 09:25

My teenage DD and her friends update their profile on Instagram or FB and actually ask their friends to go and like it. there is a big thing around how many likes they get. I don't understand because they are making no secret of the fact that they have asked people to like it so they are not even genuine.

dolkapots · 04/06/2016 09:34

According to psychological research (that has been tested on FB Hmm) people there is a correlation between the number of selfies posted and low self esteem.

One selfie every now and again I can understand, it is the prolific selfie-ists I just cannot get. Why on earth would you post endless reams of the same shots?

I have a selfieist-by-stealth friend on FB. Will post a very (intentional) sultry looking selfie with the caption "I cannot stand people who take selfies, but just want to ask your opinion on my eyebrows. Just plucked them and want to check they are straight" Of course loads of "gawjuss hun" Hmm

exLtEveDallas · 04/06/2016 09:35

I seem to be the opposite of the selfie people. There is one photo of me on FB...My profile pic that is 13 years old.

Lots and lots of DD/dog, a couple of DH. Otherwise - that's it.
I think it's that I just don't see the point. If I'm somewhere special then I might take a photo of that place, but I don't need a photo of me in it.

Saying that though, DD has commented on my lack of photos in the home etc. But she's just got herself a selfie stick so of course is on about a million photos already...

Ragwort · 04/06/2016 09:37

I don't get it either, I am clearly far too old (nearly 60) to even understand the attraction of Facebook, let alone a selfie Hmm. Never taken one in my life.

Our young bosses are insisting that we get a Facebook account to promote ourselves at work, just seems a total and utter waste of time, it is not attracting our 'core users' and just causing loads of angst for us technophobes who have no interest or inclination to get involved in social media.

I quite agree with the comment The people I know that have the most interesting and exciting lives, don't have the inclination to post on social media Grin. Happy to be a Luddite

exLtEveDallas · 04/06/2016 09:39

Ooh, I lied. I did upload a wayback photo, but it wasn't a selfie (and it was only to give everyone a laugh at my Toyah Wilcox hair Grin)

Minisoksmakehardwork · 04/06/2016 09:54

Is it mostly women doing selfies?

I've pondered this long and hard. Nearly photo we've got in our house is taken by me. I'm in very, very few. And those ones have been taken at specific events, so a ball or our lands end ones. Dh has taken maybe half a dozen photos of me with our dc in 8 years. By contrast, I see a cute scenario and snap it.

So for me, selfies are a woman's way of evening up the balance of photos without them in it. Certainly all my friends have experienced the same when they have had children. They and grandparents take pictures of the kids, kids playing with dad. But mum rarely features as she's busy, holding the camera.

I'm not a fan of the selfie personally. I look dreadful in them. But I have taken them when the twins both fell asleep on my chest as tinies and there was no one to capture that awesome moment, of the time my daughter curled up with me to share her favourite book. When my son just wanted to spend time with me. If I don't 'selfie snap' these moments, no one will remember them in times to come. But they will always remember that daddy hugged them, read to them...

LaurieLemons · 04/06/2016 10:05

I think men do selfies but there aren't so many who post everyday or go over the top, there's not as much pressure for them to look good. It is just the done thing nowadays and for the record I used to be really insecure and suffered from eating disorders and I never uploaded a single selfie. Now I've overcome all that I post the odd selfie and feel no shame Wink

Pipbin · 04/06/2016 10:10

So for me, selfies are a woman's way of evening up the balance of photos without them in it

No, most women I know who take selfies are teens and young twenties. Not mums who get forgotten from the family photos.

green18 · 04/06/2016 10:11

I get that mini but unfortunately when my DC were snuggling up , smartphones weren't invented and taking a selfie with a proper camera was impossible!

ichoosesleep · 04/06/2016 10:19

I take selfies on occasion when I have just finished my make up and I feel really good about myself that day which is very very rare. So maybe 1 selfie a month or two. It takes me about 20 attempts to get one I like and then I filter it and yes it does give me a little buzz when I get lots of comments and likes on fb especially from people I didnt realised even liked me. Then I will prob put it on as my profile pic. I have very very low self esteem and so when I look back on my selfies and feel I looked good in them it give me a little bit of a lift. People tell me I'm bonny all the time but I have never ever believed any of them. I'm overweight and spotty and feel I have a big nose. So it really does help me I suppose.
All these teens and even older people that take them everyday probably feel so so bad about their looks even though a lot of them we look at and would dream of their body being ours or their hair or whatever. It doesn't make them bad people they just prob need that pick me up and that filter everyday to get them through the day feeling better. I know when I put make up on I feel OK for a while but my make up wears off during the day but still I feel like I did when I first put it on. Maybe it's the same thing ...

blinkowl · 04/06/2016 11:36

LaurieMarlow that was an interesting read, made me see selfies in a totally different way, thanks!

This, in case anyone is interested

blinkowl · 04/06/2016 11:40

"No, most women I know who take selfies are teens and young twenties. "Not mums who get forgotten from the family photos."

Yes, but the technology is new.

The test will be, will those young women who have a developed a different relationship with their own image than we did growing up pre-selfie, continue to take selfies when they become mums who get forgotten from family photos?

We'll have to wait and see ...