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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if people who always upload selfies are vain or insecure?

220 replies

Makeupbabes · 03/06/2016 08:52

I have a few people on my Facebook who upload selfies of themselves every single day, now these women aren't teenagers in fact one of them is almost 30 so I can't help but wonder to always be uploading selfies are they just vein or really insecure & seek out people's likes & approval? 🤔 Either way it's like a get a bloody hobby 😆

OP posts:
squishee · 03/06/2016 10:16

YANBU. Serial selfie posters drive me nuts. Really, who needs that much validation?
And yes I could unfriend or whatever, but I have reasons not to.

heron98 · 03/06/2016 10:17

I have an acquaintance whose Instagram is solely selfies. I have concluded this is because she has no hobbies, interests or does anything remotely interesting with her time so this is all she has to document.

EatShitDerek · 03/06/2016 10:18

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BeautyQueenFromMars · 03/06/2016 10:24

There is a huge difference between people updating their profile pic now and then, or allowing a tagged picture to show on their timeline, or taking selfies of themselves having a good time (usually with another person or some background or a comment regarding what they're doing), and people who post several selfies a week of just their face.

The few serial selfie posters I have on my FB feed are very much into looks and appearance. The worst culprit is botoxed to the max and wears a ton of make up, so I think it is all about boosting ego/feeling good about themselves. Which is irritating, but not harmful.

MackerelOfFact · 03/06/2016 10:31

I don't get it. I don't have many selfie-posters on my Facebook and I don't think I've ever posted one of myself - all of my friends know what I look like. Hmm

I think it's different when it's a couple/pair/group selfie though - sometimes you want to remember an occasion and there's nobody else to take the photo.

The only time I take them of myself are to send to DP over WhatsApp - not dirty ones, just a grumpy face or me doing something stupid!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/06/2016 10:33

EatShitDerek

I dare you to share, haha (as if)

EatShitDerek · 03/06/2016 10:41

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gide · 03/06/2016 10:41

My goddaughter does the duck pout selfie and even captions it 'Tell me I'm pretty'. Er, not if you ask! She is extremely attractive, but come on, self validation, fuck off. I hate that some people need to validate every day of their lives with endless selfies. I've unfollowed everyone who does this.

Birdsgottafly · 03/06/2016 10:41

""Surely it's better (and healthier) to seek praise for what you've done and 'achieved' rather than how you look?""

And then you'd get criticised for 'bragging' about what you've done, or accused of the Voluntary work that you're doing, being all about you.

Look at the threads condemning the 'making memories' pics.

Do we have to be 'achieving' or 'productive' constantly?

FB is for sharing. Some people document their lives through pictures.

I wonder at what the hell is wrong with people that they have so many people who they have no interest in and likewise think that they have no interest in them, but have them as FB friends, tbh.

I'm off work through serious illness, I've enjoyed seeing all of the pictures of people's children playing out in the sun, the dogs on the beach and holiday pics.

I enjoy seeing all those, from the people in closest to, even when I'm busy and have a nose at people's pictures who I have on as Gaming friends, who live in Asia and India/Sri Lanka, it's fascinating.

I don't like Selfies, but some people seem to, so I just skip past those pics.

Catvsworld · 03/06/2016 10:42

My sister is 30 and is constantly posting Instagram photos of her is skimpy dresses in her underwere on we're she is naked but lying font down on the bed so you can see her bum and back think Kim k picture this is with her husbands full knowledge

What she gets of it it's a ego boost she has men telling her they want to be with her have sexy with her how pretty she is ect on a hourly Basis she has thousands of followers she even had one guy offer to fly her out to Russia

She often has guys trying to send her stuff is just a massive ego boost for her

Personally I think it's foul she wasn't raised this way and it's very sad when we can't even follow her on line due to her nudity

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/06/2016 10:43

that's wise eatshit, its could get nasty Grin

To wonder if people who always upload selfies are vain or insecure?
manicinsomniac · 03/06/2016 10:46

A few people have mentioned husband and wife selfies, sister selfies or out with friends selfies. Are they still selfies if there's more than one person in them? I don't think anything of a photo like that - the only difference is that there was no one else there to take it. Same with selfies taken in interesting places or on holiday etc - may be that taking it themselves was the only way of documenting the memory. I think that's fine.

The ones that are taken for no reason other than to show the person's face, hair or outfit are not something I'd want to do as I'd find it embarrassing but I don't mind others doing it. It's their profile.

Egosumquisum · 03/06/2016 10:50

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Tabsicle · 03/06/2016 10:54

I've found selfies really helpful when I'm feeling down. I don't always post them but on days when I feel awful, and ugly and monstrous it's nice to see proof that isn't so.

If other people find that cringy they can. I'm not hurting anyone and it's a very effective tool for getting me from 'mopey' to 'much better and able to go out and be confident' in under a minute.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/06/2016 10:56

ah Amanda Holden, that beacon of humble modesty, god love her

after a hard graft we all need a vacation, and of course after that first pina colada the first priority is a photoshopped bikini selfie

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2016 11:16

I suppose it is vanity, but I think it's got more to do with the fact it's just the 'done thing' or the 'popular fad' amongst younger people. I think a lot of them do it just for that reason., without overthinking it really.

I think the really insecure people are more likely those who spam the newsfeed with photos of their babies/grandchildren every day, but rarely ever put a photo of themselves on there.

MyCatWasRightAboutYou · 03/06/2016 11:20

www.huffingtonpost.com/stephanie-totty/in-defense-of-the-selfie_b_6932258.html

I don't mind people taking a lot of selfies. (A lot of the criticism is levelled at women, but that's a whole rant in itself...) I admire the fact that they seem comfortable enough with their appearance to want to document it. Nobody complains that people hundreds of years ago sat for hours to get portraits painted of themselves. Grin

dizzytomato · 03/06/2016 11:21

I have a colleague who does this. Selfies are all she has on her wall. She's also a clown. Not a joker but a real children's clown. That's her hobby. She's a right odd ball. With all the psychoanalysis of selfie takers and clowns she should probably be locked up Grin

MrsJayy · 03/06/2016 11:21

A selfie can be more than oneself i think

MrsJayy · 03/06/2016 11:22

A clown selfie

Pipbin · 03/06/2016 11:26

I just don't understand the need to take pictures of yourself all the time.

'Here is a nice view/house/baby/famous person. It'll be vastly improved by me gurning in front of it.'

No, just take a picture of the thing you want to take a picture of.

Egosumquisum · 03/06/2016 11:28

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PeppermintPasty · 03/06/2016 11:29

I just scroll past them yawning of course.

However, I do have a friend (more a friend of a friend) who takes selfies on an industrial scale. In my opinion, and other mutual friends it is verging on the dysfunctional.

She never posts her full face either, she hates her mouth, and you can clearly see in family shots, eg a large party where she's in a line or sitting on a random chair, that she will engineer it so her mouth is covered, -by a drink, a child's head, whatever. These are the photos she can't prevent being taken. (There is nothing wrong with her mouth by the way, or any part of her).

With the selfies, she makes herself up and I swear, not one of us knows how she does it: She makes herself look like another person, then posts an 'arty' selfie of half her mouth and one eye, all sultry and ridiculous.

She looks nothing like this in reality.

Here's the thing though. I understand from those closest to her, -and I think it's screamingly obvious, that she has cripplingly low self esteem. She is in an abusive marriage (her 'dh' has apparently spat in her face more than once during a row), and her family are sort of circling around waiting for the relationship to go bang finally, so they can help her.

The sense of unreality persists with her status updates which are all 'perfect little family blah blah' shite. I feel very sorry for her and on the one hand, though it is deeply comical in some ways, there is massive poignancy too, with this woman at least.

I always think of people like this existing in a parallel universe to most of us, the scales haven't dropped from her eyes yet. It's the only explanation for her not being able to see how incredibly bananas she looks to people.

Just struck me as interesting.

AddictedToCoYo · 03/06/2016 11:38

I think it very much depends on the nature of the photographs. I have friends who upload photos every single time they do something social. Sometimes they are looking lovely and glamorous and other times...not so much. Hmm But they have no fear about whether a photo is flattering or not, they just upload it anyway because they are having fun and like to show the world they are having fun.

Others I know do do that very posed, pouty selfie thing that is very much designed to elicit compliments and they bask in being told how gorgeous they are while feigning modesty and surprise in a way that makes me cringe. I would say they are definitely vain and quite possibly insecure.

I am also vain and insecure. The upshot of that is that I hate seeing photos of myself and I hate others seeing them too so I barely ever upload any photos of myself and I go mad at my DH is he shows or posts photos of me before I've vetted them. Unless I really do think a photo of me is gorgeous and very flattering (which is rare) I don't like anyone else to see it.

And I would never ever do that very obviously posed glamorous selfie thing, because I would HATE that people might find me attention seeking or vain.

Kelsoooo · 03/06/2016 11:40

Jesus don't look at either of my Instagram accounts. One is purely selfies..
It's nothing to do with low self esteem.
Makeup is my hobby. So I like to use a feed away from my family who don't follow me on IG as a way to show my increasing skills.