DP won't insure me on his new car

[MyDPisasexistpig]

A car he has lusted after for years. Bought with his bonus/dividends so fair enough it's 'his' money in the loosest sense of the word.

Was talking about his insurance and I said oh I can't wait to drive it. It then comes out that I'm not on the insurance . I asked why and he said oh well it would've cost too much (fuck off given the price of the car). He then admitted that he didn't want me driving the car

I've never had one accident. I've got three points of speeding and that it. In ten years of driving.

AIBU to think he's a sexist pig and I'm supposed to go ok you drive me around when you feel like it then? (Obviously I have a car myself just a bog standard boring family car)

If you're not married, it's not legally family money. You're just getting the benefit of his income whilst he decides that works for him. Hope you've had a broader discussion about finances as I've seen too many unmarried women end up in very difficult situations when it all goes tits up.

As for the car - meh.

Op, I really think you should buy a hot tub and refuse to let anyone else use it. Imply that the maintenance costs really go up when the pump gets clogged from use by someone with a hairy arse...

Ok he works hard for the bonus, but who is picking up the slack at home? Something usually has to give...

It's not a one off payment either is it? Annual insurance going forward will cost more, as will servicing etc.

I think it's a bit childish in a relationship to act like this. It'd make me a bit passive aggressive actually, and most likely bring out my worst side.

I think I'd refuse to acknowledge the car at all. If we went out as a family I'd drive behind in mine so he'd feel like a massive plonker.

I think it entirely depends on how money is viewed in your family/relationship.

Even before we were married we have always pooled all our earnings and assets so there would never be a case of 'I've bought X,Y,Z and you can't use it'. I know other perfectly functional and loving couples who still have separate finances after 25 years of marriage and pay for their own luxury purchases like holidays or cars with no resentment on either part - I don't get that personally but it's none of my business!

Yy firstshinyrobe

My husband bought me a "special" car for a "special" birthday once. Both of us were on the insurance, but he wouldn't use the car. Finally I told him he should feel free to drive it, but he never did without asking first. He considered it mine because it was a gift from him. Surely there is a balance to be struck in this case too. Your husband has more or less given himself a gift, but wasn't it purchased with household money? I think he should invite you to use the car every once in a while, that only seems fair. Maybe once the newness of his new toy wears off he will be feeling more generous.

I don't understand why the bonus and dividends part of his income isn't family money. I get most of my income in dividends .

Do you get to keep that kind of money for yourself and spend it on something just for you , not for the family ? Remember it's not just the capital costs of the car, it's the ongoing insurance and maintenance .

As long as you do, then it's fair . So you need to get £65k and spend it on just you .

It's not about the car. It's about the fact that he's more entitled to family money than you .

personally I wouldn't count a bonus as family money.

😮

Oops I've just spotted that he's your DP and not you DH and you have kids togther . I don hope you have all the relevant legal protections in place .

who owns the house and the business ? What about wills, life insurance etc ?

mrsnoo
Your husband refusing to give you access to family money, and spending on himself while you go without, is financial abuse - see more info on it here and here.

It wouldn't bother me. Do you like driving?
Why aren't you married and what legal protections have you put in place in lieu?

Bit OTT to claim financial abuse Emma. You don't know whether it is needed to maintain the family home or whether it is actually just a bonus. As the OP said she was happy with him buying the car just not about him putting her on the insurance.

Apologies Emma just clicked that you were referring to MrsNoo.

In that case I completely agree given that the children really need the money.

If you're not married, it's not legally family money. You're just getting the benefit of his income whilst he decides that works for him. Hope you've had a broader discussion about finances as I've seen too many unmarried women end up in very difficult situations when it all goes tits up

^ this.

Op my feelings would be hurt and I would also be embarrassed tbh.

I would hope DH would want to share with me, any huge prize like this. Enjoy it with me, watch me enjoy it also. I think its really sad he has not included you in this. Its a lump of metal but he has hurt your tangible feelings.

I would take this as a huge red flag really. All our money is our money, for us all to share.

It can actually make your insurance cheaper to put a partner/ spouse on. As my parents found recently.

Not to ignore all the other issues but it's been covered.

I don't get why you expect to drive his car. It wouldn't occur to me to expect to drive my husbands or him mine.

It wouldn't bother me as I have my own car but after almost 20 years together we still have separate money anyway. That was however at my insistence as I am a bit older than DH and had far more asset wise when we got together. I like the fact I don't have to check my spending with DH. I suppose it works for us because we make considered purchases and are In no danger of getting in debt.

My DH is buying his dream car soonish, I think it costs about 50k, I actually wont want to drive it.

I'm insured on all of dh's cars 7 of the fuckers.. purely because it makes the insurance cheaper. I've no desire to drive any of them which is lucky for him as I'm sure he'd quietly cry and shit himself if I said I wanted to.

I don't put up with it. There is a space where we can leave the car, if timed right, and it is mostly there. Otherwise, it stays where I can park it (restrictions are not day-long) until it is convenient for me to move it. On a more serious note, H and I are separating. The car situation is one of the straws that broke the camels back. it isn't acceptable on any level, and not at all how we have lived our life before. He doesn't get to completely change the rules without any discussion, especially since they are not a complete change - only in his favour. Stuff that

Wonky I'm glad you're separating because they're was just something about the car situation that hit me right in my chest, it sounded so awful. Maybe because I have a now adult child with special needs, or maybe not. I really don't know. But for sure your past saddened me and I wish you and your children the absolute best of days from here on in.

I read him some choice quotes from the thread.

He's decided to put me on the insurance as long as I don't park under any trees, drink any coffee in the car (I do have form for dropping coffee to be fair) or try to wash it in the car wash machine!

He's 26, possibly a bit too early for a mid life crisis!

Wonky your situation sounds awful and obviously more serious than mine.

Glad you are separating.

My DH has a car that is his pride and joy. He suggested it would be a good runaround when he bought it; it was the Boy Racer builder drooling over it that made me wonder...
He spent long hours cleaning, polishing, adding bits kissing it goodnight and tucking it up...

He dutifully put me on the insurance but I think he always hoped I would never use it. When that great day came, I settled myself into the car, adjusted the seat and started the car.

Unfortunately, the pedals were in a slightly different position than I was used to and I hit the accelerator by mistake - thank God it wasn't in gear. The resulting "VrrrrOOOOOMMM!!!!" had him rushing through the house and flying through the front door in horror

I suppose I'm lucky he didn't take me straight off the insurance

I traded in my pride and joy (a Fiat 500) because my H finally learned to drive. I couldn't justify not allowing him to drive it, not without a massive argument anyway, but I couldn't bear the thought that he might prang it. So now he drives a different car and it looks like that episode of Father Ted when they try to sort out a tiny ding with a hammer.

Wow, he must have got a bloody big bonus !

It's funny that my DH is now considering buying a new M5 and i've just been wondering how much will i get to drive it if all.
Not to mention that I don't agree with the choice anyway...

I'm glad it worked out for OP