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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't insure me on his new car

167 replies

MyDPisasexistpig · 02/06/2016 22:11

A car he has lusted after for years. Bought with his bonus/dividends so fair enough it's 'his' money in the loosest sense of the word.

Was talking about his insurance and I said oh I can't wait to drive it. It then comes out that I'm not on the insurance Hmm. I asked why and he said oh well it would've cost too much (fuck off given the price of the car). He then admitted that he didn't want me driving the carAngry

I've never had one accident. I've got three points of speeding and that it. In ten years of driving.

AIBU to think he's a sexist pig and I'm supposed to go ok you drive me around when you feel like it then? (Obviously I have a car myself just a bog standard boring family car)

OP posts:
trappedinsuburbia · 02/06/2016 23:29

I bought my dream car a few months ago and hate my DP going anywhere near it, I waited years and saved hard for a decent car and its my baby. DP has had plenty of high end cars and I don't think he drives them well and then wonders why they break down. I drive gently and I know im sounding completely bonkers here!!
Anyhow, he always offers to put me on his insurance and i've always declined and I don't want him on mine either. We treat cars completely differently and I don't want mine being abused or roughly driven. Anyway, ive waited so long for this that no-one is touching my baby Grin Grin Grin

NicknameUsed · 02/06/2016 23:34

Sorry trapped, but I agree that you sound bonkers Grin

I cannot get that worked up about anything that I own. People mean far more to me than things. Possessions can be insured and replaced, people can't.

BuunyChops · 02/06/2016 23:35

I don't think he's being sexist but he is being a selfish pig.

Greenandmighty · 02/06/2016 23:36

He's being sexist, unreasonable and disrespectful. Tell him to remove the blinkers and then find something you will ban from him. Do you iron his shirts? Well, that should be off the menu. I'm not surprised you're pd off!

NameChange30 · 02/06/2016 23:37

I do think there are people who care about cars and people who don't. Sure, I'd like a good-looking car, but I'm not willing to spend crazy amounts of money on one. I prefer to spend money on travelling and holidays - experiences and memories. And sensible things like paying off the mortgage. My only real luxury is a beautiful piano, but at least I can't crash it!

BombadierFritz · 02/06/2016 23:43

Some people dont respect other peoplr. Part of that is that they dont respect other peoples property. Which is why my next car is not being driven by dh. His carelessness with my property is part of a wider/deeper lack of respect for me as a person. He thinks he is all zen/buddhist 'oh i care about people not property' but i think he cares about neither if its not him/his. Some people are quite selfish and happy to wreck other peoples stuff then look down on them for being upset about it - its a v selfish viewpoint imo

NewgatesKnockers · 02/06/2016 23:44

Are you my SIL OP? My db just bought an M3 and his wife has a Ford...something.

When it came time to replace our family vehicle dh and I had settled on a Ford Explorer, but somehow he came back from the dealership with a Jaguar Grin

NicknameUsed · 02/06/2016 23:45

Oh, I do look after my things. I am not careless at all.

ToriaPumpkin · 02/06/2016 23:55

I inherited a decent sum of money two years ago. I bought a nice shiny 320M with it. I never even considered not putting DH on the insurance even though he's had constant points of varying amounts since he passed his test and has written two cars off. We're now trading in his ancient volvo for something new and sporty and if he even considered not putting me on the insurance I'd go through him like a dose of salts.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 03/06/2016 00:02

I think that displays a very mean spirit.

flappingbingowings · 03/06/2016 00:25

Be honest, are you a crap driver?

araiba · 03/06/2016 02:29

noone else drives my car either

sykadelic · 03/06/2016 03:09

My DH and I are insured on all vehicles, but he flatly refuses to drive "my" car because he doesn't want to be responsible if something happens to it (as in, I can't say, "you must have done X while you were driving it") and the same from me with respect to his pick-up (and his Camaro).

That said, I COULD drive his and he COULD drive mine, we're not banned from driving each others. The simple fact he's refusing to even let you have a go is very insulting.

Iknownuffink · 03/06/2016 03:48

Give the guy a break, he finally has a car he has lusted over. In the OP's own words he works hard. Presumably from that comment he is a good provider.

Does the OP share the shoes she lusted over?

If the OP did not have a car I would understand her/his gripe.

To me a car is a means of getting from A to B.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 03/06/2016 05:39

Does the OP share the shoes she lusted over

Perhaps she lusts over a car.

TaintForTheLikesOfWe · 03/06/2016 06:15

Prawns. Big ones. Stitched under the seat. Hot weather.

HTH

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/06/2016 06:18

He's only being sexist if he's actively said and believes that you can't drive it because you're female. Other than that, he's still being a selfish toddler about it - "MINE! You can't share!" which is a bit pathetic.

I could understand it if you were careless or a shit driver - but you say you're not. I don't like to lend my precious stuff out if I think it's not going to be looked after either; but if I've no reason to believe that any harm could come to it through carelessness (accidents are a different matter), then I would share. He won't, so he's being shit.

However - you should not let your DC damage the car, that would rather just prove his point - what you should do is stand on principle and refuse to EVER drive it. EVER.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 03/06/2016 06:23

My DH was offended that I didn't want to take his car for a test drive when he first got it... (its nothing remotely fancy, but it was brand new...) I didn't want to tempt fate and scratch it, and for me reliability is what matters in a car, followed by having enough internal space and a satnav :o I can't muster much interest in test driving cars :o

He recently got upset about two microscopic scratches which you have to look hard in a certain light to find, saying one of the kids must have done it getting past the car on the drive... I bit my tongue but if he'd gone on about it much longer I would have reminded him that he drove my lovely new car into the pavement with the entire family in it as witnesses to the scrunching noise and put a big old scuff mark in the plastic bumper and all I said was never mind!

DaveCamoron · 03/06/2016 06:34

I'm torn, I hate sharing things too but on the other hand I'm guessing that you're not a shit driver so the insurance will cover you if something happens.

VioletBam · 03/06/2016 06:35

What a nob! I agree though, unless he said it's because you're a woman, sexist isn't what springs to mind. Just selfish.

My husband...not to crow...said "We'll have to get you the nicer car since you're the one who will be driving more often during the day"

As he only drives to work and back.

That's the way people should think.

Fenullafabulous · 03/06/2016 06:38

mmmm
Sometimes I think sharing is overrated. I think it's ok to have one's own things.
But it's a fine an undulating line.

branofthemist · 03/06/2016 06:44

For god sake. Where did the op say 'he said I can't drive it because I am a woman'

I had a sports care. Saved up for it myself. No else every drove it.

P1nkP0ppy · 03/06/2016 06:52

It wouldn't bother me tuppence, and obviously he'll want to show it off when you go out so you can drink, not him 😊

DH's car is insured for me and I've never driven any of them, no big deal.

Believeitornot · 03/06/2016 06:54

I'm finding it strange that your dp has a seperate income stream which isn't "family" money. But I always struggle with that notion anyway.

What a twat.

ONatural · 03/06/2016 06:55

Why do you need to drive his car if you have one of your own? Is he allowed his own laptop? Phone, iPad? Does he have to share those with you too?

I am completely bemused TBH.