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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP won't insure me on his new car

167 replies

MyDPisasexistpig · 02/06/2016 22:11

A car he has lusted after for years. Bought with his bonus/dividends so fair enough it's 'his' money in the loosest sense of the word.

Was talking about his insurance and I said oh I can't wait to drive it. It then comes out that I'm not on the insurance . I asked why and he said oh well it would've cost too much (fuck off given the price of the car). He then admitted that he didn't want me driving the car

I've never had one accident. I've got three points of speeding and that it. In ten years of driving.

AIBU to think he's a sexist pig and I'm supposed to go ok you drive me around when you feel like it then? (Obviously I have a car myself just a bog standard boring family car)

OP posts:

elfycat · 02/06/2016 22:57

You being on the insurance would probably lower it. DH, back when we'd just met, had a Merc SLK. He put me on the insurance and got money back I was a newly qualified driver who had been in an accident, my fault, within the last year

However... he's going to want to show that car off. Encourage it wherever you go. Have a glass of wine or two - he'll be doing all the driving.

ilovesooty · 02/06/2016 22:57

I must admit I wouldn't be able to get too excited about this. To me a car is just a heap of metal that gets you from A to B.

NicknameUsed · 02/06/2016 22:58

Same ilovesooty

MrsBB1982 · 02/06/2016 22:59

I'd be really hurt if my DH did this. What does it day about how he views you? Not trustworthy in my books. It's a car FFS. My DH was insured on my Golf GTI (back in the day before kids and we had a sensible estate!) and I was insured on his ancient Clio. No fuss about whose car was better

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 02/06/2016 22:59

Meh, I could go either way on this one. There are two types of car in life; practical, work-horse, family cars and "just for fun", toy cars more akin to a hobby. If this is his fun-time toy car - his hobby - I can see why he wouldn't want to share it just because you can also drive a car. If you looooove playing tennis - it's your top favourite thing, say - and you treat yourself to a mega expensive fancy racket with family money, you probably would want that to be yours and not used by your dp just because he is also able to play tennis at a push.

Saying that, it's mega useful to be insured on each others cars, and it's good to share! It's selfish not to. Sometimes it just takes a little while for the newness of something to wear off and then I'm sure he'll happily see sense :) In the meantime, yes he is acting like a child with a new toy!

Querty12345 · 02/06/2016 23:00

she I never disputed that there are a few morons who don't check. I was just making the point that you had said it doesn't come with all policies when no one actually said that it didn't. And I'm not allowed to hmm now?! Ok thread police 😒

woollytights · 02/06/2016 23:00

I don't see what's sexist about this. If I bought something for myself, I'd probably be pissed off at anyone proclaiming they were entitled to use it too, and accusing me of discrimination for saying no.

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 02/06/2016 23:04

I hope a bird shits right in the middle of his windscreen.

EssexMummy1234 · 02/06/2016 23:05

hate to say it but you said it's his car, not that it was a joint car -
you could always get your own sport/dream car and not let him drive it.

clarrrp · 02/06/2016 23:06

okay, can I switch this around a bit - there's a lot of complaining about how awful he is for spending HIS bonus on something for himself that the OP is complaining because they won't get to play with it. So let's switch it around - what if the OP had worked hard and got a bonus and bought herself something she wanted with it - be it a car or a new laptop or whatever - and the first thing her husband says is 'I can't wait to drive it'or 'i can't wait to play all my games on it' - we'd all be sitting her saying he was being presumptuous and elbowing in and blah blah blah.

LightDrizzle · 02/06/2016 23:08

He is being a cock.
Sorry to stir the pot, but my OH bought his dream car a couple months ago, a Porsche. He loves it, he's 53 and has worked very hard, paid people's wages on his credit card in tough times and remortgaged his (then) modest house. It's only recently that the success of his business has translated into financial reward.
I'm a decent driver but an occasionally dodgy parker, I have had a few scratches over the years. He not only put me on the insurance without discussion, but gave me a few gentle shoves to share the free Porsche Experience Day at Silverstone that you get when buy a new Porsche. So instead of having the racing instructor and track all to himself, I went first for 50% of the allotted time. I was nervous of making a tit of myself but I absolutely loved it.
Your OH is being very selfish, you were supportive of the purchase which was appropriate and nice of you, he now doesn't want to share the joy. I would be pissed off too. This was a very significant purchase, I might spend a very modest windfall on a material thing or short trip that didn't include my husband, but there is no way I'd spend thousands on a something we could share (like a trip though South America or Australasia) and that he would enjoy and choose to exclude him.
The possibility of there being a sexist element would niggle too.
I hope you can get though to him sees that he has been a dick. If so I could laugh it off.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 02/06/2016 23:09

My DP has his "dream motorbike" and I would never ask to be insured on that. It's his vehicle and he's allowed to have a vehicle separate to me. Also, I'd feel guilty if I so much as passed wind on it. The bike is worth a lot to him in more ways than just monetary value. It makes him happy. I'm happy to be pillion when I'm not on mine. I would never ride it, though. I've joked about it before and the look on his face was brilliant. It was an uncomfortable "I want to say no but I also want to survive the night". It's not so much that he thinks I can't, It's just that it's his baby. The same way that if he damaged my bike in anyway I would probably cut his knackers off with something blunt and rusty.

Naoko · 02/06/2016 23:13

I'm torn. On the one hand, it's pretty shitty. On the other hand, I really struggle letting people play with my beloved toys. In my case it's computers, but the principle's the same. I think it'd depend on whether there's a sexist element, whether you have your own suitable vehicle, and whether it's 'you can't drive my car because I don't trust you not to fuck it up' or 'you can't drive my car because it's my shiny toy and I appreciate I'm being irrational about this'. The latter I'd humour if I had my own car, the former, not even a little.

lalalalyra · 02/06/2016 23:13

Does he realise that even if you are fully comp on your insurance and it allows you to drive other cars it's most likely third party only? One of DP's workmates was caught out with that recently, yes he was covered for the other car's damage, but his brother's car was a write off. That should put any "Oh you can drive tonight so I can have a beer" bollocks to bed should it ever arise!

NameChange30 · 02/06/2016 23:16

If you live together and have children together, you're a team and a family, and there shouldn't be a huge discrepancy between "mine" and "yours" and who gets to spend what. Completely joint finances aren't obligatory but it's crazy for one partner to spend thousands on something for themself, unless there are also thousands to spend on the other partner and/or the children and/or the whole family.

Do you work? Have you made career sacrifices (given up work, reduced hours or taken a more flexible job with less pay) so you can do the bulk of the childcare while he earns all this money to spend on himself?

notagiraffe · 02/06/2016 23:16

My issue is him spending that much on himself not his family. That would turn me off a man. That and the fact that anyone who needs to prove his manhood with a flashy motor is a bit...
But agree with all posters who say you now have a sober designated driver for the rest of your life.

Foslady · 02/06/2016 23:16

Buy yourself a top of the range TV and hog the remote......

BackforGood · 02/06/2016 23:18

I don't see that this is sexist either.
If I have treated myself to something, then it's mine to do as i want with. I wouldn't appreciate dh coming and moving my tablet say (as it happens to be in front of me now). Technically I could have spent that money on family things but I didn't, I spent it on me, and its only for me to use. Same with various stuff he's bought for his hobby over the years - they are his toys, not for anyone else to play with.
I think of a car as a means of getting from a to b, but some people really love and care for their cars, so it's not unreasonable to not want other people using them.

Asprilla11 · 02/06/2016 23:20

OP - Buy some fresh fish, then wedge it under the carpet under the passenger seat

BeckyMcDonald · 02/06/2016 23:21

What are you going to spend your 60k on OP? Fair's fair.

WriteforFun1 · 02/06/2016 23:21

Hmm
I definitely don't see this as sexist
But that's because if I had a new toy like this I wouldn't let anyone else drive it either
In a relationship it's important to have stuff that's just yours I think.

NameChange30 · 02/06/2016 23:22

Stuff that's just yours?! Not stuff worth £60k that's just yours!! Unless you're filthy rich!

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 02/06/2016 23:24

OP, your DP got a new car because the business is doing well. What did you get for propping up the home side of things? After all you said he worked hard but what about your hard work that enabled him to put the effort into his business so it was successful?

I think the bonuses were a mutual effort tbh and you should get to at least drive it once

WriteforFun1 · 02/06/2016 23:25

Emma, it depends how they do money, if op can spend that on a toy then fine.
Any toy I bought would be worth about £6, so I'm just thinking in terms of the principle.

clarrrp · 02/06/2016 23:26

I got caught out on that once too - my car (little toyota) was in the garage getting work done and so I was driving my dad's car (huge, heavy rover estate). Middle of winter, country road, ice, telegraph pole. Car completely written off (front end of the car crumpled to the point I could reach out from the drivers seat and touch the pole.)

Insurance wouldn't pay because I was only 3rd party on his car.

Lesson learned.

That said, while dad was livid initially, as soon as he went to the accident site and saw the car he stopped being angry and instead was relieved I was driving his car - if I'd been in my car we'd have both been killed.

However, he doesn't let me drive his new car. And that's part of the reason I don't let anyone drive mine.

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