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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that the kids were left alone?

315 replies

Therearenonamesleft · 02/06/2016 12:19

My OH got home late last night after drinks with friends. He got a taxi home and this am forgot that his car was still parked at the station. I leave for work earlyish in the morning and he is responsible for taking the kids to school / holiday club most mornings. Today he suddenly realised his car was at station after I'd left for work so he gave the kids breakfast (DS is 7.5 and Dd is 5) and told them to be sensible and not go upstairs or open the door etc and that he had to go and fetch the car. He claims he legged it all the way and was back home in 8minutes.
I feel furious and sick with worry and unease. AIBU? I think they're too young to be left alone even for this short amount of time. I shared my concerns and husband said he sees my point of view but disagrees as he thinks the risks are minuscule. I've asked him not to do it again - at least until DS is competent at making a call on the landline should some problem arise. They are both very sensible children and I often leave them playing upstairs etc while I'm in the garden etc but they are always close enough to call me. Should I take this any further? Is this a safeguarding issue I need to be worrying about? I don't want to over react but I feel uncomfortable about his inability to guarantee it won't happen again.
Thanks for reading all this! Any sensible advice welcome.

OP posts:
oabiti · 04/06/2016 09:51

Iife*

joloho35 · 04/06/2016 11:54

Everyone learns in their own way to deal with parent issues. I'm guessing he won't do it again (because you've told him) or will think differently should the situation arise again. He probably thinks that was a perfectly acceptable solution. We've all done slightly daft things in the heat of the moment. My husband would probably do the same. Keep a sense of proportion about it and move on.

Munchingmummy · 04/06/2016 14:32

Personally, I wouldn't have left the older child in charge of the younger one. 7 years old - probably be ok on their own for 5 mins, but that doesn't mean they are old enough to be responsible for a sibling.

Having said that, I do think you're overreacting. I'm sure there's probably another way round this - like take them with him etc? Taxi to station with kids on way to school/ holiday club whatever.

I don't think it would hurt to teach your older child to use the phone though. Just in case of emergencies. My friend had to
Phone an ambulance for her mother when she was 6 (had an epileptic fit in the bath). So perhaps work on that and discuss what you're comfortable with.

I have 2 children - oldest is 10, I would leave him for short periods but I wouldn't leave him to be responsible for my 4 year old.

mathanxiety · 04/06/2016 17:18

I agree with Leelu66. I hope this isn't an example of your usual attitude towards your H and his parenting. If it is, then you and he are not partners.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/06/2016 18:29

Yanbu

Dh was unresponsible Leaving 2 young children home alone

He could have walked them to his car

If he hadn't been drinking I would have got taxi to drop me at station and collected car before coming home

Or was he over the limit ?

Don't need to safe guard as such. But make it clear not to leave alone again

mummylove2monsters · 04/06/2016 20:12

I'd be fuming - it takes 2 mins for an accident to happen and I do t think your being unreasonable- if something had happened you and your partner would have to answer to police etc - I hope your ok , bet your brains been racing bless you xxxx

mummylove2monsters · 04/06/2016 20:16

Exactly xxxx

HemseyWhemsyWooChoo · 04/06/2016 21:08

I was reported to social services for leaving my 9yr old dd at home for 45mins in the morning before school. I took my baby and 3yr old with me. My dd got dress for school and had cereals for breakfast while I was gone and knew the safety drill. However a nasty neighbour who hates me (that's another story) reported me to social services and got in touch with my daughters school to ask about this. Nothing was done in the end but I was told I shouldn't do it. Although there is no law regarding it. However in your situation your older child was as social services see it was in charge of your younger child which in their eyes is worse as your oldest isn't old enough to be in charge of anot her child.
I would be very very careful. If social services find out they may take things further. I would tell your husband to not do it as there is a strong risk someone may have seen and could report you if you do it again. I don't trust social services as they are treating my friend horrendously atm.

PacificDogwod · 04/06/2016 21:24

I would be very very careful. If social services find out they may take things further.

No, they wouldn't.

halighhalighaliehaligh · 05/06/2016 00:45

I suspect social services would be interested as it is an ongoing risk - not a one off. Despite all the people saying yabu he won't do it again - the op (who has unsurprisingly been scared off) makes it clear in her post that her concern is that her partner won't guarantee not to do it again. It wasn't even an emergency. There were plenty of ways the dad could have taken the kids with him or a taxi to school but he chose not to because it was easier to leave the 7 year old in charge and will do the same again in future so yes ss would be interested. If the op isn't happy for her 7 year old to be left caring for their younger sibling again then she can't leave them with their dad because that's what will be happening if he needs to nip out.

AugustaFinkNottle · 05/06/2016 01:26

I suspect he said he wouldn't guarantee never to do it again because it would be ridiculous to do so. Is he supposed to keep to that guarantee when they're 12 and 10? 17 and 15?

PurpleTango · 05/06/2016 02:56

Why can't your 7 year old use a phone? YABU

HemseyWhemsyWooChoo · 05/06/2016 10:49

Well I beg to differ on that one. Be interesting to hear what social services' opinion would be on the matter.

halighhalighaliehaligh · 05/06/2016 21:38

Maybe the OH should give them a ring and see. Then he can stop his partner unreasonably insisting that he not leave their 5 yo in the house being looked after by their sibling who is also an infant school child. Perhaps the 7 year old could actually make a bit of cash babysitting the other local kids Hmm

mammamic · 07/06/2016 15:33

these AIBU posts seem less and less 'real' with every passing day.

YANBU to be annoyed - if the person responsible had to make such a decision, they should at least ask the other half what they think. a neighbour could have been asked to help or he could have taken the kids with him.

for everything else, YABcompletelyU and OTT. He's their dad, FGS.

There are so many things 'wrong' about this AIBU question.

is this really an issue you would take advice from an open forum on?
if so - maybe the 'safeguarding' concern is something you yourself should be looking at.

Why are a 7 and 5 year old not yet versed on how to make a call in an emergency? My DD has known mine, my husband's and my brother's mobile numbers since she was 3. And even before that, they were on the fridge so that if she needed to call someone, she could.

When you say 'safeguarding' issue - does this mean that you are thinking of reporting your other half so some authority or other? For real? I cannot imaging what sort of a relationship you have and what this would do to it if you took such a step.

Much of my response is based on pure speculations, of course, as I don't have time to read 13 pages of comments in the hope that you elaborate on your initial post.

These threads just get more and more outlandish.

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