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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that the kids were left alone?

315 replies

Therearenonamesleft · 02/06/2016 12:19

My OH got home late last night after drinks with friends. He got a taxi home and this am forgot that his car was still parked at the station. I leave for work earlyish in the morning and he is responsible for taking the kids to school / holiday club most mornings. Today he suddenly realised his car was at station after I'd left for work so he gave the kids breakfast (DS is 7.5 and Dd is 5) and told them to be sensible and not go upstairs or open the door etc and that he had to go and fetch the car. He claims he legged it all the way and was back home in 8minutes.
I feel furious and sick with worry and unease. AIBU? I think they're too young to be left alone even for this short amount of time. I shared my concerns and husband said he sees my point of view but disagrees as he thinks the risks are minuscule. I've asked him not to do it again - at least until DS is competent at making a call on the landline should some problem arise. They are both very sensible children and I often leave them playing upstairs etc while I'm in the garden etc but they are always close enough to call me. Should I take this any further? Is this a safeguarding issue I need to be worrying about? I don't want to over react but I feel uncomfortable about his inability to guarantee it won't happen again.
Thanks for reading all this! Any sensible advice welcome.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 02/06/2016 18:58

Pearlman Thu 02-Jun-16 18:50:50

"So in Sweden, do as the Swedes do smile "

Yes of course, as individuals that is what you have to do. I have brought my ds up according to UK norms because this is the society he has to fit into. But it saddens me when we go back and I see how helpless and poor at risk assessment he is compared to his Swedish peers.

Pearlman · 02/06/2016 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 02/06/2016 19:06

The children were left alone eating. One of them could have choked and no one would have been there to help. I am astounded most people think this situation was ok. I'd have been livid if this had been my DH. Surely it would have been safer to walk to the car after a quicker than normal breakfast, then drive to school.

midlifehope · 02/06/2016 19:13

I think he was a slightly hungover idiot. He should not have done it. I believe men take more risks in this way - i've seen both my brother in law and DH do similarly stupid things.

Sallystyle · 02/06/2016 19:16

It wouldn't bother me. My 7 year old would be perfectly capable of calling 999 or going to a neighbours if she needed to, which would be very unlikely. She would also not touch knives or put the stove on, I would be very concerned if she did any of those things at her age.

However, it bothers you OP so I think your husband should promise not to do it again. In my house, when we leave children alone is a joint decision. We both have to be comfortable with it.

Please teach them how to use the phone, that should have been done a long time ago with the 7 year old.

WriteforFun1 · 02/06/2016 19:18

Wait a minute
If id known 7 year olds cooked dinner, I might have wanted to have children.....

Sallystyle · 02/06/2016 19:18

The children were left alone eating. One of them could have choked and no one would have been there to help.

My children ate food today while DH and I were in the garden. I would not have been able to hear them choke and they may not have made it to the garden in time.

Am I meant sit with them every time they eat at that age?

Pearlman · 02/06/2016 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stillwishihadabs · 02/06/2016 19:21

I'm not sure, ,I think I left mine at 9 and 6 but maybe 8 and 5. Ds is now 12 and some of his friends aren't allowed to cycle back from town (2 miles), or catch a train without an adult- I do wonder if we are producing totally helpless teens.

MuddlingMackem · 02/06/2016 19:21

I wouldn't leave a 7 year old in charge of a sibling, although depending on the particular 7 year old I might leave them alone for a short time.

It's very interesting reading this thread and seeing so many people telling the OP she's over-reacting, and that kids in Scandinavia would be left, yet the Scandinavian OP of another thread who follows her 6 year old to school, letting him think he's walking alone as in Scandinavia he'd be expected to walk to school on his own at that age, was lambasted and told he's far too young and she's BVU. Huh?

Natsku · 02/06/2016 19:22

The point is Pearlman is that its only irresponsible from the UK point of view, whereas in other countries its not, but their children aren't different.

CarolH78 · 02/06/2016 19:23

What Sprink said.

Also, there are small risks associated with ANY activity we do with our kids. If you take your kids out to a shopping mall there is a tiny chance someone will abduct them. All it takes is for you to let go of their hand for a few seconds. Literally. So to everyone saying that leaving the kids safely at home for a few minutes is wrong because of the tiny worst-case-scenario risk of a fire or something: do you all keep your kids in those ridiculous harnesses whenever they leave the house? Because there's about the same (tiny) risk of something terrible happening in that situation.

For that matter, there's a far greater risk of a car accident than a sudden house fire, so do you just not take your kids in the car ever?

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 02/06/2016 19:25

U2, errr, yes?! If they choked and died when left alone would you look back and think you might have done things differently or would you just chalk it up to 'one of those things' because you can't reasonably be expected to stay with your children and keep them safe?

CarolH78 · 02/06/2016 19:28

And OP said she happily leaves the kids upstairs while she's out in the garden. They could easily do all the things people are imagining while upstairs unsupervised - start a fire, play with knives, scald in the bath, etc. So is OP an irresponsible, negligent parent too? Are there really some parents who watch their kids EVERY second of the day until they're 10?

Stillwishihadabs · 02/06/2016 19:30

Oh for the love of god whoever heard of a NT school aged child choking whilst eating a bowl of cereal. Babies choke, toddlers choke, people might choke if running around while eating. Not normally developing school age dcs. Jeez

mrgrouper · 02/06/2016 19:32

I think it is neglectful leaving young children alone. Even if it was only 8 minutes. Also if he was so drunk he forgot his car, he may have still been over the alcohol drive limit the day after.

Believeitornot · 02/06/2016 19:35

Leaving the house is different to going in the garden.

He should have taken them with him. Most sensible people see that he was stupid.

TroysMammy · 02/06/2016 19:36

Supposing after drinks last night he was still over the limit to drive and was stopped by the Police. It wouldn't have looked good if the children were home alone as well.

mrgrouper · 02/06/2016 19:40

According to my mum (not sure if this is true) I was left home alone when I was 6 as she went to the local shop. When she got back her kitchen had been destroyed as I created a "meteor" out of scrunched up paper and lighter fluid.

Buckinbronco · 02/06/2016 19:52

That's a bit scary mrgrouperShock did you have a conduct disorder?

I don't believe the poster who said a child burnt down a house with matches after being left briefly. That is unlikely I'm not buying it

mrgrouper · 02/06/2016 19:55

I have Asperger's (not diagnosed in childhood though) and had a fascination with the planets and solar system.
The kitchen had not burnt down but little pieces of soot laden paper had fused onto the wallpaper.

AugustaFinkNottle · 02/06/2016 20:05

Supposing after drinks last night he was still over the limit to drive and was stopped by the Police.

OP has said he came home by taxi because he'd missed the last train, not because he was unfit to drive.

AntiqueSinger · 02/06/2016 20:06

Seriously. I hate this sort of Namby Pamby; The-State-is-dad-rubbish. You're wondering if you should report the husband and father of your children for leaving them unattended for 8 mins?

But they don't know how to use the phone?

Your DC being unaware of how to use a phone, us 10 times more of a factor in terms of the likelihood of them being vulnerable.

mrgrouper · 02/06/2016 20:12

Augusta OP stated this: He got a taxi home and this am forgot that his car was still parked at the station.
He may well have still been over the limit when he went to retrieve the car. If he had been stopped by the police when he drove it home, over the limit, with children home alone that would have had serious repercussions.

Sallystyle · 02/06/2016 20:26

U2, errr, yes?! If they choked and died when left alone would you look back and think you might have done things differently or would you just chalk it up to 'one of those things' because you can't reasonably be expected to stay with your children and keep them safe?

I must be a neglectful parent because with all five of them I stopped directly supervising meal times before the age of 5 and 7. I often sat with them to eat myself but I just as often didn't and was in another room.

It never occurred to me that I was meant to be by their side at that age while they ate. I am not an over protective parent who sees danger in every situation and live my life in fear though.