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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious that the kids were left alone?

315 replies

Therearenonamesleft · 02/06/2016 12:19

My OH got home late last night after drinks with friends. He got a taxi home and this am forgot that his car was still parked at the station. I leave for work earlyish in the morning and he is responsible for taking the kids to school / holiday club most mornings. Today he suddenly realised his car was at station after I'd left for work so he gave the kids breakfast (DS is 7.5 and Dd is 5) and told them to be sensible and not go upstairs or open the door etc and that he had to go and fetch the car. He claims he legged it all the way and was back home in 8minutes.
I feel furious and sick with worry and unease. AIBU? I think they're too young to be left alone even for this short amount of time. I shared my concerns and husband said he sees my point of view but disagrees as he thinks the risks are minuscule. I've asked him not to do it again - at least until DS is competent at making a call on the landline should some problem arise. They are both very sensible children and I often leave them playing upstairs etc while I'm in the garden etc but they are always close enough to call me. Should I take this any further? Is this a safeguarding issue I need to be worrying about? I don't want to over react but I feel uncomfortable about his inability to guarantee it won't happen again.
Thanks for reading all this! Any sensible advice welcome.

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 02/06/2016 12:50

Mind you my ex did report me to so and I was still with him at the time!

AdrenalineFudge · 02/06/2016 12:52

Safeguarding issue? Christ in a Zumba class! It wasn't ideal but needs must and all. Teach the 7yo to use a phone.

Jackie0 · 02/06/2016 12:53

A 7 year old should be able to use a phone .
Total overreaction imo.
Is their father not allowed to weigh up the risks and make a decision?
Wtf are you bringing up ' safeguarding issue ' for , do you understand what that means?

Squiff85 · 02/06/2016 12:55

My two are this age and the thought of this makes me feel sick with worry - YANBU

OTheHugeManatee · 02/06/2016 12:56
Confused
MatildaTheCat · 02/06/2016 12:59

Within the context of a family setting this is a 'communication issue'. ie you need to sit him down and tell him you would rather he didn't leave the kids alone until you both agree they are ready.

Safeguarding Issue Sad. Leave that phrase for the real neglect that is going on all around us.

Just as aside, years ago a friend ran down the road to post a letter, gone 5 minutes max. Her DD called 999. Grin

DumbDailyMail · 02/06/2016 13:00

It wouldn't bother me as a one off.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 02/06/2016 13:01

Massive overreaction. YABU.

ShadowsCollideWithKittens · 02/06/2016 13:02

'what if he'd had a crash on his way back*'? One thing I never understand on threads like this is the 'what if you / they had been in an accident whilst going to the shop / returning the trolley to the trolley bay', etc. So better that the child be mown down with their parent, then?

Sassypants82 · 02/06/2016 13:03

Some really unfair messages here. YANBU op, I don't agree that it's OK to occasionally leave kids alone, under any circumstances. I bet Madeline McCann's parents thought occasionally would be fine. Also, don't know why people are focusing on the 7yo being able to use the phone or not (though this would be good to teach him) I'd be far more concerned with an accident that could injure him beyond calling for help. I think you do need to get over it, not dwell on it but leave no confusion around exactly what is acceptable to you in the future.

TheUnsullied · 02/06/2016 13:04

Your mistake here was using terms that are considered buzzwords OP Smile it definitely warrants a conversation once you're calm. He obviously knew you wouldn't be happy or he wouldn't have felt the need to time himself.

Hodooooooooor · 02/06/2016 13:05

better that the child be mown down with their parent, then?

Apparently so. I saw someone on a thread about babies in cars state, seemingly seriously, that it would be better if a baby got crushed by a car along with its mother than to be safe and perfectly well alone in the car while the ma was mown down.
People be fucking nuts.

Obeliskherder · 02/06/2016 13:06

I don't think you can proportionately take it any "further".

However if he could do it all in 8 mins then it must be well within the bounds of walkable for a 5 year old. I'd expect him to walk them next time, and be late if necessary. It can't be more than a mile.

PatriciaHolm · 02/06/2016 13:06

Less than 2 pages in and a mention of Madeline McCann. Sigh. A completely and utterly different situation.

I would have ummmed and ahhed a bit about it if I really needed the car, and probably done it when mine were similarly aged. If they were in front of a screen they wouldn't have moved in 8 minutes...

Only you know your kids though and it needs to be something you agree together in terms of parenting; but wailing about safeguarding and taking it further suggests your conversation with him was not a calm and considered one.

Claraoswald36 · 02/06/2016 13:07

I wouldn't be happy but it's not the end of the world. Not that I would tolerate it ever again

musicmaiden · 02/06/2016 13:10

He shouldn't have done it but nothing occurred and you've made it clear that you don't want him to do it again, so leave it now and put it out of your mind. It's not a 'safeguarding issue', which is social services-speak anyway, not a phrase to use about this sort of thing.

And yes, do teach the kids to use the phone.

Pearlman · 02/06/2016 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuckySantangelo1 · 02/06/2016 13:11

Massive overreaction. If you're 'furious & sick with worry' over this how do you cope with real life events?!

Maybe teach the 7 yo to use the phone Confused

LauraMipsum · 02/06/2016 13:13

It might not be the judgement call you'd have made OP, but he's their parent too and entitled to use his own judgement. He can't run every snap-decision past you as though you're his parenting line manager.

I wouldn't be angry. I can understand why it bothered you, but I'd ask him not to do it again until we'd both discussed and agreed they could be left for a few minutes, as a PP suggested.

IveAlreadyPaid · 02/06/2016 13:14

If he was out drinking the night before he was probably over the limit to drive...

(sorry had to get that one in too Blush)

insancerre · 02/06/2016 13:15

I don't understand why they couldn't all walk to the car and then get dropped off at school?

Not very good at problem solving is he?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 02/06/2016 13:15

My dh would have done this when my older two (same gap) were this age. In fact he did (not in car but 2 min walk/cycle ride to bakery). I was Not Happy and made this clear to him. But I don't think it's serious neglect (notwithstanding the fact that I consider it riskier when a car is involved).

I started leaving them alone for half an hr when the eldest was 10.

halighhalighaliehaligh · 02/06/2016 13:16

Surprised people think leaving a 7 yo in charge of a younger sibling is ok. If he can fork out for a taxi home after a night drinking why not fork out for a taxi to take the kids to school? Also if he was too drunk to drive the previous night was he ok to be driving first thing? I wouldn't be happy to be honest op and if the children have mentioned what happened at school I think they would be obliged to raise a concern.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 02/06/2016 13:16

(in case of confusion, the youngest is a baby and has obv never been left with the older two...)

ShadowsCollideWithKittens · 02/06/2016 13:17

It's really weird, isn't it Hodoooooor (possibly not the correct number of o's). I mean, I think 7 and a half is too young to be left alone, but it baffles me that the worst argument people can come up with is 'what if you died, and they didn't die with you'?

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