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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that the kids were left alone?

315 replies

Therearenonamesleft · 02/06/2016 12:19

My OH got home late last night after drinks with friends. He got a taxi home and this am forgot that his car was still parked at the station. I leave for work earlyish in the morning and he is responsible for taking the kids to school / holiday club most mornings. Today he suddenly realised his car was at station after I'd left for work so he gave the kids breakfast (DS is 7.5 and Dd is 5) and told them to be sensible and not go upstairs or open the door etc and that he had to go and fetch the car. He claims he legged it all the way and was back home in 8minutes.
I feel furious and sick with worry and unease. AIBU? I think they're too young to be left alone even for this short amount of time. I shared my concerns and husband said he sees my point of view but disagrees as he thinks the risks are minuscule. I've asked him not to do it again - at least until DS is competent at making a call on the landline should some problem arise. They are both very sensible children and I often leave them playing upstairs etc while I'm in the garden etc but they are always close enough to call me. Should I take this any further? Is this a safeguarding issue I need to be worrying about? I don't want to over react but I feel uncomfortable about his inability to guarantee it won't happen again.
Thanks for reading all this! Any sensible advice welcome.

OP posts:
MrsPoldark · 03/06/2016 18:10

I think they are too young but it's done & they're fine so chalk it up to experience & move on. Explain to your hubby you don't want it to happen again, show your kids how to use the phone. I'd be more worried that your oh was so on the lash the night before he'd forgot about the car that he was maybe still over the limit to be driving your dc to holiday club

Rowenag · 03/06/2016 18:12

I am shocked that so many people think this was okay or not that bad. If my partner even thought about leaving our 7 year old home alone for 1 minute I would not trust him to look after her either anymore. I feel really sorry for you. Even worse he put the 7 yr old in charge of your younger child! He definitely needs to 100% promise you he won't even think about doing something so irresponsible again. Who knows what could happen during that time. Not an over reaction at all from my perspective.

Sazzyjp · 03/06/2016 18:14

I definitely wouldn't be happy with this. I would make 100% sure he knows not to do this again and that you are upset etc. I can't believe so many people are saying you're overreacting! They are young children and even though they are sensible they are still young and who knows what they might have been tempted to try out whilst nobody was there (like finding a box of matches or anything like that that you normally tell them not to touch). You're not overreacting you're just thinking like a responsible parent in my eyes xxx

Maryann1975 · 03/06/2016 18:17

Your oh shouldn't have left the children alone in the house for 8 minutes. It was not an emergency situation and he could have taken them with him for the walk.
I think you may have over reacted with talk of safeguarding and taking it further though. A good talk with him about why he shouldn't be leaving a 5 year old in the house with a 7year old in charge. And tach them both to use the phone just in case.

Oatplum · 03/06/2016 18:24

I think they're too young and agree with you. The children are more important than the car, it's as simple as that.

leelu66 · 03/06/2016 18:26

I will be monitoring the situation. Mainly pissed off that he refuses to see my point of view or agree not to do it again.

You do sound a bit patronising, OP. I'm not surprised you've got your husband's back up and he's refusing to do as you say if this is the way you to talk to him as well. Sometimes it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

JigokuShojou · 03/06/2016 18:27

There's a reason it's illegal to leave such young children at home without adult supervision.

"The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, eg at home or in a car.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’." NSPCC

JigokuShojou · 03/06/2016 18:29

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11498123/Arrests-for-leaving-kids-home-alone-made-every-day.html

A parent is arrested every day on suspicion of leaving one or more of their children at home alone, new figures reveal.
At least 105 mothers and fathers faced criminal investigations for leaving their offspring unsupervised in the final three months of last year, research by the Press Association has revealed.

lotbyname · 03/06/2016 18:33

I had to call an ambulance for my mum when I was six as she was having a fit. If your child can't use the phone it strikes me as a far bigger safety issue. What if you hurt yourself in the garden?

pollymere · 03/06/2016 18:34

That's what neighbours are for. A child could die in that time whilst the other watched helplessly. Be thankful nothing happened, have some serious words with your OH but explain what they should have done ie asked a neighbour to watch them, taken them with him etc so, even if he doesn't agree, he can at least do something you do think is ok.

lotbyname · 03/06/2016 18:34

...

Sazzyjp · 03/06/2016 18:41

Also all these people saying 'it was only 8 minutes' he was not 100% certain he would be only 8 minutes. Unless he can see into the bloody future. As some have already said anything could have happened (car crash or some other unpredictable delay). Basically it's an unnecessary risk that didn't need to be taken. Im also surprised the children were happy to be left alone. I'm sure 8 minutes would seem a long time to a 5 year old if they were scared. Hopefully that will be the end of that now he knows how you feel about it. Good luck love x

JigokuShojou · 03/06/2016 18:48

It's a good thing the car hadn't been stolen or impounded eh? How long would either of those have taken to sort out? 8 hours?

Originalfoogirl · 03/06/2016 18:51

If he was out late drinking, then he probably shouldn't be driving first thing. I'd be more bothered that he did that with the children, than leaving them for under ten minutes.

It's not a big deal, he probably should have left earlier and walks with them to the car if it's that close, but I'd simply be saying I'd rather he didn't make a habit of it.

And thanks to Adrenalinefudge for the wonderful mental image of Christ in a Zumba class. 😂

moregranny · 03/06/2016 18:58

I find it very worrying that so many people on here think it is ok to leave 2 small children alone in a house, 1 its illegal, 2 fires can rip through a house in minutes, 3 what if one of them choked, fell and knocked themself out etc etc, I could go on and on but I think you get the gist.

JigokuShojou · 03/06/2016 19:04

Your neighbours aren't servants just sitting by the door awaiting orders.

1horatio · 03/06/2016 19:06

Your daughter is 7.5. Doesn't she know how to make a phone call?

Yes, it's not ideal. But it isn't a tragedy either. Nothing happened and DH said he wouldn't do it again. So, what's the problem?

JigokuShojou · 03/06/2016 19:08

Nothing happened solely because of luck, and nothing else. Luck runs out eventually. I don't think the OP wants her husband to tell her that the only reason both children are alive and not in hospital is because their fates were in the lap of the Gods.

Crikeyme · 03/06/2016 19:09

I don't know exactly how you'd 'take it further', apart from giving your husband a total bollocking, but I also don't think you're being unreasonable. However competent your kids are, leaving a 7yo in charge of a 5yo old with no adult in easy reach is out of order. Maybe they should be able to call emergency services or a grandparent at that age, but that should only be the case in a complete and utter emergency - and this definitely wasn't one. If your husband could walk one way and drive back in 8 minutes, it means the car was at most about 6 minutes' walk away, so there's no reason why he couldn't just walk them both with him. And how do we know what a 7yo would consider an emergency? How quickly would they react, and in what way?

YANBU, in my opinion.

Katakus · 03/06/2016 19:15

I'd be very cross. My DD sometimes chokes on random things and left alone eating breakfast could have been dangerous. I wouldn't report him, but I'd have strong words with him. They are too little to be left. I don't leave mine to pop to the shops either.

Babybeesmama · 03/06/2016 19:15

I would be royally pissed off... But I'd tell DH that & get on & forget about it. I whittle about every single thing so I'd be worrying what if they choked or were sick... I know it was only 8 mins but I wouldn't do it. Try not to worry about it too much, they came to no harm & he knows you weren't happy about it.

Abraid2 · 03/06/2016 19:15

Jigoku, your quote from the NSPCC doesn't say it is illegal to leave children.

The NSPCC is not a law-making organization.

You sound hysterical, to be honest. The children were left for eight minutes, not eight hours.

JigokuShojou · 03/06/2016 19:16

I'm sure that if the OP had decided to report him as suggested then social services would no doubt have to get involved.

Passthecake30 · 03/06/2016 19:16

My kids are smilar ages and I wouldn't have been impressed. Yes, they are sensible but also very naive/gullible and if someone came knocking and convinced them to open the door then they might. Safeguarding is the wrong word to use in this instance...but I'd be having a right old rant.

Roundthemulberrybush · 03/06/2016 19:21

I think it's probably fine but kids need to be properly briefed about not answering the door, only leaving the house if there is a fire (and what to do then...), who to call. I told my kids - who are a bit older - for ages not to open the door or leave the house but then realised that was really silly in case of fire. Not that it's going to happen.