To be furious that the kids were left alone?

[Therearenonamesleft]

My OH got home late last night after drinks with friends. He got a taxi home and this am forgot that his car was still parked at the station. I leave for work earlyish in the morning and he is responsible for taking the kids to school / holiday club most mornings. Today he suddenly realised his car was at station after I'd left for work so he gave the kids breakfast (DS is 7.5 and Dd is 5) and told them to be sensible and not go upstairs or open the door etc and that he had to go and fetch the car. He claims he legged it all the way and was back home in 8minutes.
I feel furious and sick with worry and unease. AIBU? I think they're too young to be left alone even for this short amount of time. I shared my concerns and husband said he sees my point of view but disagrees as he thinks the risks are minuscule. I've asked him not to do it again - at least until DS is competent at making a call on the landline should some problem arise. They are both very sensible children and I often leave them playing upstairs etc while I'm in the garden etc but they are always close enough to call me. Should I take this any further? Is this a safeguarding issue I need to be worrying about? I don't want to over react but I feel uncomfortable about his inability to guarantee it won't happen again.
Thanks for reading all this! Any sensible advice welcome.

I would be a bit annoyed but agree that the eldest could make a phone all at 7. I think you're overreacting- it's not like he does it daily.

buckin she's not said the whole house burnt down in 15 mins, she's said the child started the fire in side of the 15 mins he was unsupervised.

My laundry room caught fire once at about the 15/20 minute point it was just get out and call fire brigade. They took almost 40 minutes to arrive by the time they got there and put it out I had lost most of the stuff inside that house.

I would be very cross.
It's not a good enough reason /emergency to take the risk.

But a single dropped match should not cause a fire unless the house is very unsafe to begin with. It would just burn out leaving a burnt patch on the floor.

I'm with you on this one I would be furious also. Having been a childminder for a lot of years unless
The law has changed children under 14 shouldn't be left alone.
Extreme as that sounds I would use that as a guideline. By all means teach them to make a call in an emergency. Why didn't he take them with him to pick up the car and carry on from there. Maybe remind him about Madelaine McCann, she was
a wee bit younger and in an other country but her parents have been slated ( quite rightly in my opinion ) by an awful lot of people. What's the difference?

He could have called a cab and taken Dcs to play scheme then on to pick up his car.

I'm surprised they were happy to be left alone for that long for the first time without any crying/upset. Was this the first time?

My almost 7 year old very independent DS gets upset in the 3 or so minutes it takes me to run up and down 3 floors to the ground floor to get mail/take the bin out. He'd be traumatised if I was gone for 10 minutes.

When I was 7 I spent hours with my friends out playing football, zooming down the hill on go-karts or roaming the woods getting up to all kinds of mischief

All this without any kind of adult supervision. And a lot of what we did was far more dangerous than sitting at home.

It sounds to me as though you're being ridiculously over-protective!

Summerstorm....there is no law about this.

The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, eg at home or in a car.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

Children under 12/rarely(not never)/LONG period of time
These are not 'very young children' and were absolutely fine for 8 minutes. I really do not get all the fuss about this!

He could have called a cab and taken Dcs to play scheme then on to pick up his car

If the point is assessing relative risk, this would be a far more dangerous option, especially if they wouldn't have car seats/boosters.

"What I meant by 'taking it further' is whether or not I change my work patterns in order to not leave him in sole charge in the am's (and evenings) as we currently do split the childcare on a fairly 50:50 basis atm. I think this is probably a step too far right now as it is not going to be easy to change my work hours but I will be monitoring the situation"

Seriously? You'd actually consider changing your working hours so that your children are not left with their father unsupervised? I was originally thinking that YANBU but this comment has made me change my mind to thinking that YABU. Unless there is something you know about your DH that you're not telling us about? He is their parent too........

Mine could use a phone at 4,

Mine played out at 7 without adult supervision In the local park.

Seriously you use the S word to your dh?

Think you are being ridiculous and a drama larma.

He was 8 minutes not 8 hours.

The cm should know that there is no such law regarding age of Leaving a child either.

I think you are overreacting . 8 minutes is not a long time at all . I guess another option if the station was not far away was everyone should have got ready with their coats and shoes and actually walked to the station together to pick the car 🙄or am I missing something ?

I see both sides of the argument here, and know that stuff happens, whether you are in the garden or walking home, so I see no material difference between collecting the car and being out in the garden, actually.

When you say '....but I feel uncomfortable about his inability to guarantee it won't happen again....' I feel uncomfortable that you are judging your OH. How would you feel if he said that about you? No-one can guarantee that it won't happen again, and holding expectations against your OH is not helping anyone.

Perhaps your worry springs from a fear that you don't trust your OH? That has more to do with your relationship with him than your relationships with the kids.

Safeguarding?? Not if you want to stay in a relationship with OH!

"What I meant by 'taking it further' is whether or not I change my work patterns in order to not leave him in sole charge in the am's (and evenings) as we currently do split the childcare on a fairly 50:50 basis atm. I think this is probably a step too far right now as it is not going to be easy to change my work hours but I will be monitoring the situation"

Seriously? You'd actually consider changing your working hours so that your children are not left with their father unsupervised? I was originally thinking that YANBU but this comment has made me change my mind to thinking that YABU. Unless there is something you know about your DH that you're not telling us about? He is their parent too........

ETA: I originally thought you were overreacting just a teeny bit, not 'YANBU' - I typed that quickly and then wouldn't let me go back and edit it......

Can I mention the amazingly intrepid Japanese boy who was left on his own in the woods for 5 minutes?

Sorry, not helpful, and definitely not the same but I wanted to join in!

I think as nothing happened, and in the end it turned out fine, then leave it. But it should not happen routinely - and DH should be more respectful of your opinion. I also wonder why the kids couldn't walk to the station if it was such a short trip? Sounds a little lazy of DH, and not a genuine emergency.

Don't you sometimes wonder if the original messages are really fake, and posted to illicit responses and views..

Ffs, AIBU to be shocked by the attitude of so many respondents here, and furious at their lack of forethought? Let's leave the children's ages, sensibility and ability to use the phone/remember what to do if they smell smoke /whatever, completely out of the equation. Consider the possibility that hubby has an accident whilst rushing to get his car and get home, what happens then? At best there are two small children scared, confused and on their own until dad hobbles home or police arrive. The worst doesn't bear thinking about.
Do a bit of research, or find some (sensible) literature about not leaving young children completely unattended, and calmly reiterate your concerns to your dim husband....although he's still not as bloody gormless as some of the comments I've read....good luck chick!😊

It is one thing to leave a baby alone and/or unsupervised - that is completely wrong for any amount of time and I would say the same for toddlers such as with Madeleine McCann.

But a 7.5 year old and a 5 year old having been given strict instructions and being left in their own home for just over 8 minutes is in my opinion perfectly fine as a one-off. I can't see the problem if they are average kids of that age who would mostly do as they were told if told firmly enough and having the importance of the situation impressed on them strongly.

Unless they have some sort of developmental or physical difficulty even a 5 year old ought to be able to use the phone in an emergency. There are plenty of cases of tiny kids calling 999 when their sole carer dropped dead in the house or had a seizure or whatever. There are no garantees even if the parent is with them that they might not find themselves in need of calling for help.

You should prioritize making sure both your children are able to use the phone for emergencies then you can (maybe) relax a bit.

Couples should discuss and agree when they feel able to leave their children. It's going to differ from child to child and from situation to situation.
Communicate!

Have read that people don't drink alcohol just incase their completely well child needs to be rushed to casualty at any given time.

Is that the literature you mean sash?

It was 8 minutes ffs. They arnt 2 and 4.

I do wonder how some marriages survive I really do. Safeguarding and changing shifts indeed.

YABU - it was an unplanned one off

what do you think might have happened in 8 minutes? i bet you've gone to the toilet for longer than that leaving them unattended.

You're not unreasonable. What if a fire had broken out? Or he's been in an accident while out retrieving the car? I'm not saying it's likely - but nobody in all the tragic news stories think it'll happen to them. What worries me most is his thrawn refusal to accept he put them at risk. (He's either thrawn or stupid - you decide.) TBH I'd be wondering about my whole relationship with a guy who'd do that.

p.s. ... if it took him only 8minutes, to get to the car and get home; he's either Olympic Games runner material or the laziest sod I've ever heard of, taking the car such a short distance the night before.

YANBU. They are too young to be left on their own, just ask him not to do it again.