Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

I think what you are doing is ok actually and I'm usually very ott about danger/perceived danger and what might happen.

Regarding getting knocked over, anyone can get knocked over at any time, there is not an age when that danger reduces to zero.

If it's a school rule, it's a school rule.

He's six years old and you are clearly not seconds away from him!

I dont understand how its a school rule.They can stop him from leaving but i didnt think they could say how he got to school.

A 6 year old is not mature or capable enough to take themselves off to school ten minutes away, crossing three major roads. Especially if you've told him to wait to cross with parents at the road with no crossing! You're fooling yourself OP.

Yabu. The school are voicing their concerns to you, so you should act on them. At least they are giving you a friendly warning before taking it further.

The school is being officious. It's possible that they have to be, these days, but the fact is you are walking him to school. They just don't like your method of doing so.

If you do have to start walking with him again, do so. Then after school be sure to send him to the corner shop on his own to fetch some milk for you.

If you were doing this with a nine year old I'd agree with you, but he's six.

It's too young.

I don't understand how it's a school rule, either.

What right does a school have to dictate what happens outside the gates.?

At our infant school children are not allowed to go to and from school without a responsible carer - either an adult or a sibling, who must be secondary age (and only after we have had a letter from parents authorising it.) Carer must bring child into school before leaving them, and must be waiting at the door outside at drop off. There are no teaching staff on duty before school and the gates are open and unsupervised.

The local junior school allows children to come/go from Y3 upwards.

DD's school was similar - must be supervised for infant age (EYS-Y2) and could only be left in playground from 8:15am when a teacher was on duty and out (school started at 8:30am) It was only after written authorisation from parents in Y3/4, then fine from Y5 and encouraged from Y6. Again, the playground was supervised from 8:!5am by staff.

I agree with the majority - 6 is too young, particularly with 2 main roads to cross and it does also sound like a ridiculous charade you're setting up, why bother really.

Our school advised us that children are permitted to arrive and leave alone from Y3 (age 7-8). This is a guideline established by the Borough I think. DD's teacher made it clear the school feel this is way too young as well but were obligated to accept it and I agree it's too young - I feel Y5 is the appropriate age personally

And even if he thinks you are with him, if you are too far behind to be of any use in an immediate crisis, such as him misjudging when to cross the road, or momentarily losing concentration and landing in the road on his scooter, then he may as well be alone as you are not in control of the situation.

He is too young for this.

Maybe one of the parents you are relying on to see him across the road has reported it to the school?

Gosh how things have changed. Just over 20 years ago when my dd started year 1 and ds year 2 I went back to college. I used to drive the dcs to school and stopped on the main road. I watched them from the car cross the road with the lollipop lady at which point I drove off.

They then walked down a quiet cul de sac to the school playground (less than100 yards) There were loads of parents like me dropping off the dcs by the main road.

No-one queried it and in fact if we did go to the school gate we were not allowed in the playground or to go into school with the dcs after the 1st week in reception.

At the end of school ks1 children were brought out by their teachers for parents to collect but from year 3 onwards they came out unsupervised and I would often wait for them on the main road (having just arrived from work).

During the 8 years my dcs were at primary school there was never a reported accident/incident of concern.

Getting to him within seconds isn't quick enough if he has a lapse of concentration and sees something on the other side of the road he wants to get to quickly. Traffic is the biggest killer of children in the uk. The easiest way to prevent harm from the biggest danger for children is to supervise them closely by traffic until they are about 10

It's about statistics and children most likely to be killed. There is more traffic on the roads when I was little and I got run over when I ran out into a road aged 9.

Sorry, than when I was little

There are no teaching staff on duty before school and the gates are open and unsupervised.

According to our (primary school) headteacher, the school staff legally act in loco parentis when children are on school grounds, whether parents are there or not. I believe this is within certain times. At our school it is from 8.30 for an 8.55 bell.

I don't understand how you can be close enough to get to him in an emergency but far away enough that he can't see you?
Agree with pp that YABU and indulgent. I have a 6 yo and she would be told "no" and that she is my responsibility to get safely to school.

Year 6 was when mine were allowed to start walking, even then I saw them across the road first.

6 is too young to walk to school alone

In Scandinavian countries this is the norm. Are their children so different from ours?

My gut instinct is that 6 is too young. BUT it varies hugely from child to child. Some 6 or 7 year olds are very sensible and have good road safety skills. Some 10 or 11 year old children are not.

I wouldn't, not at 6. My nearly six year olds are no where near ready to walk to school on their own. I have let them nip to the local shop a couple of meters down the road, with no roads to cross, but that's it.
How did the school find out anyway ?

Yabvu.You clearly don't feel he's competent to cross roads independently as you've told him to cross with other children or parents. What if the kids he chooses to cross with are as unsafe as you feel your son is? It's, as said previously, not fair to dunno that responsibility onto someone else.