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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

384 replies

alwaysinamuddle · 01/06/2016 15:23

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

OP posts:
hadenough2014 · 01/06/2016 16:06

Wow your 6 year old must be more grown up than mine, my 6 year old boy still holds my hand all the way to school and we chatter.. I can't imagine him being anywhere near ready to go alone yet.

I see why you are doing what you are doing and I see as well why you think its a clever thing that you are following him and keeping an eye on him but really you should just tell him no and that the school don't allow it. Or if he is going to cause a fuss about that get the school to tell him..

Either way I think you are being a bit unreasonable and its not fair on the other parents to have to keep an eye out for him.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 01/06/2016 16:06

Yabu.

I have a 6 year old. Her - "I want to walk to school myself" Me - "no". Conversation over.

Grilledaubergines · 01/06/2016 16:07

Agree with school. If you're at a distance where he's not aware of you then you're too far to be any good to him if he's in danger.

Just tell him he's too young, it's that simple.

Felyne · 01/06/2016 16:08

I live in Surrey and a girl was grabbed as she walked to a primary school last Wednesday. She got away fortunately. I don't know how old the girl was, but primary school age. There have been a few cases lately.

Blimmincheek · 01/06/2016 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wheelerdeeler · 01/06/2016 16:09

I'm all for establishing independence but giving into a 6 year old is ridiculous. Will you allow him take the car next year????

It's not safe. If it was you wouldn't follow him.

Get a pair of balls and tell your son he will be accompanied to school

Greenyogagirl · 01/06/2016 16:09

If you could reach him in seconds and he's always in sight how does he not know you're there?
I don't know anybody who would let a 6yo cross roads by themself, walk anywhere by themself etc he's just a child. I'm with the school on this.

NewYearNewToads · 01/06/2016 16:10

If you could reach him in seconds and he's always in sight how does he not know you're there?

Exactly what I was wondering.

And why does the OP want her son to think he's walking to school by himself? Wouldn't just saying no be better?

DebCee · 01/06/2016 16:12

It is admirable that you are trying to build DS's independence and you are clearly a thoughtful and responsible parent.

However, I think this is the wrong call. 99.99% of the time, he will be fine, but at that age he does not have the maturity to deal with the unexpected.

There are all kinds of every day hazards (e.g. cars backing out of drives, cyclists on pavements, adults with mental health problems being abusive) which your child will not have the skills to deal with. If you have told him to cross the road with other parents, you are relying on the skills of adults you don't know to judge when to cross and then your child's ability to know when it is safe to go with them.

If you tell him it's Ok to cross at the lights when the pedestrian walk sign is on, what happens when a car takes a risk going through on red - which happens all the time where I live.

A child that age was killed by a hit and run driver near a school here when ours were younger. It was horrendous. The driver was totally at fault, but that's no consolation when your child has been injured. If a random car is driving recklessly as you cross the road with your child, you can react and respond, and may well be able to pull your child to safety. There will be no-one there to do that for him if you are some distance away.

Sorry OP, YABU.

AmyInTheBoonies · 01/06/2016 16:12

YABU - this is too risky a way to build independence.

He won't be able to judge the speed a car is travelling at, he could make a bad call and shoot out and you'd be too far away to stop him.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 01/06/2016 16:12

If you are happy to let him walk to school apparently on his own that is absolutely fine (I have done the same with DD who was 5 at the time).

I think it would be ok to let him walk properly alone, but I totally understand your protective instincts, Im the same Smile

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/06/2016 16:13

I'm afraid I'm with the school. Six is far too young. That's a baby FGS.
You might think hes sensible enough, and he might well be, but. It's not necessarily him you shouldn't trust. How many attempted abductions has there been.
Yes I know you follow him, but these things occur so quickly.

Catmuffin · 01/06/2016 16:13

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.

Not a good idea to let him scoot ahead of you. He could knock into someone or end up in the road

blindsider · 01/06/2016 16:14

I think what you are doing is entirely reasonable, when we have a nation of people who are completely unable to function without mummy sitting on their shoulder we might have a rethink - here's hoping.

Original poster
alwaysinamuddle · 01/06/2016 16:14

Sorry for the delay in replying.
To the PP who thinks i'll remain adamant I'm right, I asked so I could canvass opinions as I genuinely respect the opinions of other mums.

fuctifino yes, he has slowed down since thinking I'm not there, I'm not quite sure why, I think the road safety talks sunk in more when he thought they were "more important".

Everyone asking if he gets everything he asks for...usually I say no to a lot of things, but this seemed like something I could accommodate fairly. If I am being unreasonable then i'll tell my child that I have to follow him like the other parents do from now on and he'll have to be happy with that.

I humoured the idea because at 6 I was allowed to walk to and from school alone, as were many in my area. I follow because I wanted to see if I can trust him to behave safely when I'm not around, I would probably do the same on his first walk alone to secondary school in years to come.

OP posts:
WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 01/06/2016 16:14

You said you can get to him in seconds but you're far back that he cant see you and the school think he's alone? Hmm

Sorry, 6 is too young especially with busy roads to cross. You can't expect other parents to look after him, and they probably think he's waiting for you anyway

Yabu, just say no to your child!

maz210 · 01/06/2016 16:14

I agree with the school. At our school the children aren't allowed to leave unaccompanied until at least year 5.

There's a difference between scooting ahead while he's technically "with" you and you allowing him to think that he's walked to school on his own. It seems far easier to just tell him an outright no (because he's too young) as soon as he asked.

I'd also really judge any parent doing this and I'm not surprised it's been quickly picked up on by the school.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 01/06/2016 16:15

I started walking to school on my own in what is now yr 1 at age 6. But that was in the 1970s. And there were 2 lollipop ladies to cross me over the roads. I didn't let my own DCs walk on their own until they were in yr 5. The school requires parents / careers to take younger children to and from school and I think this policy is just about spot on. 6 year olds are too little to handle any issues that may come up on the way and far too easily distracted when there is traffic about.

branofthemist · 01/06/2016 16:16

The school have to do something. If it's been reported to them or they have become aware and they dorm at least to attempt to do something, questions will be asked.

Yes you follow him, but i can't see how you can get to him in seconds and him not see you. He does need to be supervised.

Quite honestly I wouldn't let my 6 year old scoot off in front of me anyway.

Lweji · 01/06/2016 16:17

How many attempted abductions has there been.
Good question. How many?

ToxicBits · 01/06/2016 16:18

Our school policy is only year 6's can walk to and from school and they cannot walk a sibling with them

Isetan · 01/06/2016 16:19

Why have you given your 6 year old son the impression that he's walking alone, any 'confidence' he may gain will disappear once he knows you lied to him. DD pestered me to allow her to walk to school when she was 7 but I didn't allow her until she was 9 and then I insisted that I shadow her for three months beforehand so I could assess her road crossing skills.

There's plenty of time for him to gain his independence, I don't believe this is the right time or the right way of going about it.

Lweji · 01/06/2016 16:20

There's a difference between scooting ahead while he's technically "with" you and you allowing him to think that he's walked to school on his own

I agree with this. The difference is that IME ds tends to be more careful when alone.

Original poster
alwaysinamuddle · 01/06/2016 16:21

The road he has to walk down is a high street. Him and his friends (also parentless) at focused on traffic and what's in front of them, not looking behind regularly. I usually stand at the gate after he's gone in with a few mums who drop their DC to the gate and watch him go into the building before leaving.

Hope that clears up a bit of the confusion.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 01/06/2016 16:22

My DD has been walking to school alone (or with her 3years older sister) since P2, so 6 years old.

I think there's a compromise to be made, dependent on journey length, roads etc, but some of these Y6's being escorted to school sounds a bit OTT without knowing the circumstances.