Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

absolutelynotfabulous - presumably the rule is for when on school grounds, rather than outside of the gates - schools can have rules that states that children must be supervised on school grounds before xx time for example.

These other children and parents that you've told him to cross with, do they know they are responsible for him?

Six is far too young and unnecessarily early for you to be forcing independence. Even if he does want it.

The easiest way to prevent harm from the biggest danger for children is to supervise them closely by traffic until they are about 10

There is a school of thought that believes more children (and more pedestrians and cyclists in general) would actually lower the danger from vehicles as drivers become more aware and drive more safely.

To be honest, I'm surprised we don't have more School Crossing Zones all over the place on obvious school routes. And of course, more Lollipops.

Dancergirl we are Scandinavian, living in UK.

He is 6 not 10. I would be embarrassed if I was you that's awful.

Children walk to school from tiny in Japan, Switzerland & Norway.
The difference is, society expects & looks out for it.
The children (although) alone are not really.
It is drummed in to them, in the curriculum if you will.
I have close relatives in two of my mentioned countries, and know for a fact the preparation is paramount & it is not just left to chance

I agree with the school. I live in the Netherlands, where children are not as closely supervised, and even here six year-olds do not go to school alone. You have to say no sometimes.

Gosh OP that explains a lot. You must think most people in this country are bonkers.

There you go then always things are not the same here.
Communities are not (on the whole) so society minded in the UK.

RosieSW if he decided to go to the park I would follow him in and march him to school, making crystal clear he has lost my trust, and the right to any independence.

*Supposing your 6 yr old DS decides he is not going to school that day and whizzes off on his scooter to play in the park. You are not there to challenge the idea.

Supposing someone approaches your DS and suggests a ride in a car? You are not there!

Supposing he falls off his scooter whilst crossing a road and breaks a finger. You are not there!*

Should any of these things happen I would be able to handle each situation.

You know your own child.

I was aghast at the last primary school my kids were at, no walking alone before yr 6 and then yr 6 couldn't bring a younger sibling (my eldest was yr 6, age 11 & my youngest was yr 3 age 8 at that time).

I probably wouldn't have let mine walk alone at 6, but can't really say for sure because mine were in before/after school clubs anyway so didn't have the chance.
I do remember that they were playing out OK with no problems at 6 though, and I was definitely taking myself to school & back at that age.

Total OTT reaction from school I think.
(Although the amount of parents still 'doing the school run' for 11 yr olds that live less than half a mile away beggars belief at our primary...)

One of the highlights of my day is having a chat going to school, why would you want to miss that?

mommybunny nanetterose
This is why I am asking. What is completely normal for me does not seem to be appropriate here, and I will alter arrangements accordingly.

" You must think most people in this country are bonkers."

From popular culture it would appear, that most Scandinavians are , in fact,
'bonkers'. I hate that 'in this country' schtick that people go for. Yes in this country, 6 year olds do not go to school on their own. Not because British people are 'bonkers' but from a true awareness of the dangers.

sprink - there is no set time. by law.
Our rule is the carer brings the child into the classroom and can leave them once in the room - from 8:40am. School begins at 8:50am - so there is a 10 minute leeway.
At the end of the day it is until the carer collects from the playground (children brought to door by teaching staff.) If a parent is late we ensure the child is supervised within school until they are collected by a carer - this is regardless of time.

I don't think there is a problem with what you are doing, apart from the fact you have not told your DS you are following him. I could see it working short term, but not long term. Sooner or later, even if he doesn't spot you, one of his friends will tell him you are there. That said, I think now that the school have intervened, I don't think it would be a good idea to carry on, in case it does get reported.

Common sense says a 6yr old is not old enough to walk to school, jeez..and two main rds at the busiest times of the day. How did the school become aware of this anyway? Glad they did though.

Way to young to be walking to school alone, anything could happen, im with school and it could be classed as neglect because hes very young. None ofine have ever walked untill they are in year 5/6 and thats dependant on maturity.

6 really is too young and I say that as someone whose children went to school by themselves from being 8. Times have changed though as dm took dsis to school just once and so she was catching the regular service bus and travelling two miles unaccompanied (having walked to the bus stop crossing two roads) from before her fifth birthday.

I'm 44 and I've had near misses on zebra crossings when already half way over (driver on phone), at junctions when driver wasn't indicating, have encountered aggressive people once or twice(drunk?) that appeared in a split second. My child has been sworn at by a driver even though he was standing perfectly still next to me(crossing with a middle bit where you wait), & narrowly avoided being run over by a car undercutting past another than had correctly stopped. I only just had the wherewithal to deal with this myself, never mind a 6yr old. But maybe it's much quieter where you live.

I'd say too young, maybe about 8-9 years old is the right time for this. That's when I started letting my DS scoot ahead in this manner, but the difference was that he knew I was following behind with his younger sister and would be there within a minute or so if anything happened.

I don't agree with you letting your DS cross the main road with other families, you are putting the responsibility onto them indirectly for your child's safety, imagine how they would feel if there was an accident.

Our school also has a rule that children are not allowed onto site without adult supervision until KS2 as the playground is unstaffed, so he would not be allowed in the gate unaccompanied, it's about liability as well as safety.

Maybe one of the parents you are relying on to see him across the road has reported it to the school?

I'd put money on it. Presumably theyre unaware that they've been involuntarily co-opted into helping to supervise a Scandanavian-style school run and that the person in the raincoat, false 'tache and glasses peering out from behind the pillar-box is actually doing some very responsible seconds-away parenting

How will you handle it if he gets in a stranger's car?