Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

And in Switzerland people expect children aged 6 to walk and cross the roads alone so drivers are expecting it. In the UK they are not.

If you want to teach your child independence, do it in an age appropriate way and where you are close by to monitor. Then you can gradually back off. So I've started letting my 6 year old cook meals with me. This includes letting him cut vegetables with sharp knives (very sharp knives) and use oil/boiling water etc. I'm right with him though. Wouldn't leave him to it for fear of "wrapping him in cotton wool"

Haven't read full thread, sorry, but I just started to do this approach with my nine year old twins in preparation for walking to middle school in September. I tell them though that I'm walking behind within eyesight but they have to pretend I'm not with them, and they practise safe routes to walk, how to react to different situations, (eg which side of the path to walk on if a pushchair is approaching, give way to old people, the basic green cross code etc etc) and if they do anything I think could be better I give them a 'debrief'. The first couple of times they skipped, twisted, jumped, zigzagged to cubs (have you noticed how kids can't actually just walk in a straight line) I felt mixed emotions, and sometimes at the beginning they got lost in conversation or a game and I would have to speed up and tell them to pay attention not to get too near the road etc... It sounds over protective maybe but now they are really sensible and are starting to walk back from various clubs along a pretty busy main street. The point is I think your idea of gradually extending your son's independence is the right one, I do think it's a little bit early. Certainly a strategy to adopt in a few years though rather than throwing them in at the deep end and expecting them to be perfect.

Legally he needs to be 8 years old I think.

He is 6 and calls the shots!
You put him in danger to please him!
This is ridiculous.
Silly woman

I haven't read the full thread but what the fuck is wrong with

'Sorry sweetie but you are too young to walk to school alone. I will walk with you until you are older.'

He is SIX!

You cant compeae your childhood to this.Traffic is much heavier now.

Plus what about people that run across the roads with their kids.Not every parent waits for a safe time to cross.You wouldnt be able to do anything op,unless your Usain Bolt.If your child walks out with other adults who ran in front of a car.

Comparing to many years ago isn't helpful - the roads have far more traffic in them now and back then cars were often slower and people were more aware that there may be children unsupervised out and about.

FWIW I grew up in the 70s. It wasn't until middle school when most children seemed to walk in their own - so equivalent to year 5 now.

When most children round here

Neglect is a bit steep. You are letting a 6 year old call the shots but you're hardly being neglectful.

I am a 70's child who grew up in central London. I didn't go to school or anywhere else alone until I was 11 and no one I knew at primary went to school by themselves. I knew two children who were run over, one had a metal hip replacement at 13.

Ì am an adult that is quite capable of looking after myself

My 6 year old often wants to do things that his 10 and 13 year old siblings do. The answer is always, you can when you are older. He sometimes cries about that but they didn't do it when they were 6 and nor will he.

I do think 6 is too young. My daughter has just turned 10, she started walking on her own about 3 months ago and she doesn't have a road to cross. If there are any after school activities I would go and collect her. There are hundreds of parents & children at 3.30pm, not so many at 4.30pm and I just don't feel comfortable.

6 is WAY WAY too young. Literally anything could happen. If you're so close that you could 'get to him in seconds', then how has he not seen you yet?

I think he is too young- and he got the idea of wanting to do it from playing with much older children, which makes me ask- how come he is plying with much older children unless they are his siblings? It is unusual for a children of 6 to be hanging around with older children, and probably never healthy for a child to hang around with much older kids who are more self governing.

I do feel he is too young at six, particularly crossing two main roads. I'm in the uk and at my children's school the children are not allowed to walk alone until year six the equivalent of sixth grade when they are aged 10-11. Even then it depends how far from the school you are and in my daughters case it was too far. I even still drop her to school now she's 12 and at high school.

Sorry I agree with school at 6yr old he is too young to walk himself even if you are within distance. Maybe the school could do a talk explaining the dangers to everyone so he doesn't feel singled out. I've just started letting my 9yr old go to school alone and we are in a very quiet country village 1/2 mile from school but I still worry and always will. Yes kids need independence but at 6 you still need to be with them their trust is more at that age doesn't matter how many times you drill stranger danger. Don't be so keen for them to grow up. I can't believe where the time has gone with my 14yr old and my 9yr old it flies by.

You can't compare what happens in other countries because this is the UK!!!! It doesn't matter what happens in Sweden, Japan, USA or bloody Outer Mongolia. Different cultures do things differently and there are different rules for different schools/regions too (obviously by PPs)
You can't even really compare city kids to country kids.
I've seen 11yo(ish) kids on the tube in London which horrified me coming from a small town where you could pretty much walk everywhere, but they were probably brought up jumping on and off the tube/buses or trains.
My DS is 6 (p2) and we take him straight to the door. Next year we'll take him to the gates and wave him off and then we'll see after that. Similar situation - 10min walk, 1 road lollipop lady, 3 more small side roads to cross. There are parents of kids in his class who already drop at gate and go but I do what I want to do for my child and its nobody else's business. Likewise I don't criticise them because they are all adults and can also do what the hell they want to do too.
I am way more protective than my mum was of me but it's a different generation now. But saying that my DS at 5-5.5 played in our garden (not fully fenced in and on a road) unsupervised!!!!!!!! Do I feel like a bad parent??? Nope. Will some of you think I am? Yup. No one way of parenting is the only correct way.
Sorry rant over.

Pollaid - my brother lives in Switzerland and is starting school this year,she is 6. She will have to cross 2 roads,but her dad will be taking her and picking her up,even at dinner time.They don't stay for dinner he said .He even said they are expected to walk there and back themselves as well.But he thinks it's best he goes with her.

I think I read somewhere that a child's perception of distance isn't fully developed until they are around nine years old. Therefore, at six, he simply cannot judge the distance and speed of approaching cars reliably and so is at risk when crossing the roads.

My brothers daughter I am talking about.

Gosh no. My 6yo was scooting 3ft in front of me when a car backed out of a drive at some speed. If I hadn't been so close, I couldn't have yanked him back. He's a sensible, responsible child but no way is he ready.

It's painful to see how many people judge you.

Why does the school interfere with how you get there? Their responsibility starts at their gate. (Unless children arrive with signs of child abuse or negligence, but that means very different things. If they could actually take care of these things, that would be helpful.)

You are not putting any responsibility on other parents - you are just suggesting your son uses other families as role models. It would be different if you had instructed him to ask them to hold his hand. Still, isn't that someone absolutely normal to watch over every little person who is crossing the street at the same time with you? I just do that by instinct anyway. (Related: I regularly end up helping old people over a busy road close to my house, because the green phase is so short they can not make it. Do you blame them? No. But I do blame the county for created that dangerous situation.)

Is any of what you're doing dangerous? I can't tell, but you're there. I walked to school by myself when I was 6 and in retrospect crossing the first street (2 lanes plus another 2 lanes with a small pedestrian area in between) seems to too dangerous to me, but walking through the rest with neighbourhood including some small streets seems fine.

The one risky things I do see here are scooters and whatever risky parts might be on the route. A 3-year old girl on a scooter in my street was recently hit by a car coming out of a concealed driveway. Dangers like concealed driveways are awful, and the scooter makes is worse because of the speed. The parents were next to her, but it was impossible for them to do anything. Luckily she had very minor injuries. And to my relief the owners of the building have now installed two mirrors.

The most important is to discuss with your children all the bits of the route. What to expect and how to avoid danger. Sometimes scooters should not be used, because they come with unexpected speed.

The message you give to your child by giving them responsibility and independence is invaluable. It's just less obvious what the consequences are if you fail to do that, and it's not the primary school's problem. Instead it becomes the university's or the employer's problem to deal with young people who need handholding at every little step, can't make decisions on their own and lack any capacity to deal with the normal unpredictability of life.

One point I'd like to make is that OP doesn't seem comfortable with 6yr old going to school on his own, but is giving in to what he wants- he is six!!! if OP is giving in to him now she will not have any control by the time he is ten.

I don't see anything wrong with this when I was 6 I was allowed to walk to the shops on my own and played out all day in school holidays. I think that letting your son have a bit of semi independence is brilliant you only learn responsibility as a child and to keep yourself self if you are trusted to have a certain level of independence. When I was 10 I flew to Canada with my sister who was 12, we flew alone without our parents and took ourselves through baggage reclaim in Toronto and through customs to meet oit Canadian aunt at the arrivals gate, we had an airline steward who followed us through til we met our aunt but the responsibility to get our stuff etc was ours, we had never flown transatlantic before it was an amazing feeling of adventure. I applaud parents that encourage their children to take some responsibility for keeping themselves safe my only concern would be that he might get way laid playing and end up late for school but you are following behind to ensure this doesn't happen. I have no problem with this

Why does the school interfere with how you get there? Their responsibility starts at their gate.
A few people have said this but it just is not true. Schools have much broader responsibilities than that. If they are aware of anything that could be putting a child at risk of harm then they have a duty to act on it. As it is a scientific fact that 6-year-olds are not safe crossing roads (where there is traffic) without adult support, then that is a clear risk.

I've already explained, I do trust DS, not as much trust in others, and as it's a new thing I've wanted to follow and assess.
I'm not sure how slowly most of you run, but I can cover enough distance in say, 5-10 seconds, that I could be by my sons side if necessary.
Also, everyone thinking he calls the shots, this is 1 request I've said yes to. It's not the only thing my son has asked for, and lots of things he gets told no about. Our lives aren't purely the journey to school. should I never even say yes when he asks for an apple as that would be him controlling me by some of your standards

To those asking about my son having older friends, I've said s few times, he's a year ahead of his age at school so some of his friends are a year older. He knows two boys who share a language and culture, they are 9 but included him at playtime, and with that he I included as a friend to their friends too.

To the PP calling me an idiot etc. I came here from a culture that encourages children to have independence, I didn't realise things were so different as this is my first experience of having a child and having different guides to at home. I came here to ask opinions, and for helpful suggestions, not be told I'm a bad parent for raising a child the way that I have always seen to be appropriate at home.