Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

Ps he is now in year 9 and even able to walk himself to secondary school....

The school is right. It is neglect.

YABU

YABU

So someone has observed him getting into school alone and made the decision to call you to let you know they aren't in agreement and will report you to SS?

That does seem a bit heavy handed by the school but I would also say that I'd not let a six year old scoot to school alone as well as him thinking he's unaccompanied.

Do you always let him do what he wants? Even if it's not appropriate? Just say " no you're too young" fgs instead of this ridiculous charade

I wouldnt really say its neglect,its to do with they cant judge the distance of a moving car.Its not somebody elses responsability to cross the road wiht your son,its yours.

Im usually quite lax.I even let my 6 1/2 and 8 year old walk into breakfast club on their own.I wait and see them in the gate and they go in themselves.

Six is very tiny, OP, you will need to walk him to school for another few years, never mind what they do in Switzerland..

Also, now you have, as it were, stuck your head over the parapet with the school, be very careful.

Yabu and im abit surprised you dont realise that. Its v unfair the road crossing and relying on other parents or children. Glad the school on top of this.

YABU- My DS is almost 7 and there is no way he would walk alone and he knows not to go too far. If he does get too far ahead I make him hold my hand.

The school is right BUT it is not what I call 'neglect' and I hate this word being bandied about. Whilst the term may be appropriate in that he won't be supervised properly, we all know 'neglect' relating to children has come to mean something else.

I came to say what BitOutOfPractice said. Exactly those words.

Do you find it difficult to say no?

He's too young. Ten minutes is a decent distance on a scooter. YABU.

far too young, who is the boss here, him or you?

Main roads, 6 year old? Insane.

But he's not walking alone, you are walking with him, albeit he can't see you. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong, no harm can come from it. Your son must be bursting with pride at getting to be such a big boy.

I can see the road all the way up to our school. Our girl is just turned 7, if she were physically capable of walking up the hill to school, I'd have no problem watching her from the window at her age. I guess it depends on the maturity of the child but to me, 6 is actually quite a responsible age.

Tell the school, you are capable of raising your own children, thank you and if they want to bother social services with it, go for their life. Carry on with what you are doing.

It's not fair to put the responsibility of him crossing the road on other parents.

you can be standing right next to a child and still not be close enought should they fall into the road. he's not alone. the only person who thinks he's alone is him. so OP tells him she is following him and does THE EXACT SAME thing and its fine? thats a nonsense. If he were actually alone the school would have a point, but he isn't.

This is going to be one of those AIBUs where 99% of the responses are 'YABU' but the OP remajns adamant that their actions are completely reasonable, isn't it?

If a parent in DS' class started sneaking behind their child, ninja-style, while he scooted with mine so they could think they're a 'big boy', I'd think they'd lost the plot, frankly. And incredibly indulgent.

I'd have more of an issue with the scootering actually. My son was born 46 and he won't be going without me for a while.

I think it would be different if he lived across from the school and op watched from her door.But 2 main roads is a bit much.

Plus what are you going to do op if he catches you.He will lose trust in you,that to me is worse.

You are giving him totally the wrong message. He thinks he's old enough to be independent, but he's not - otherwise why are you following him? You are teaching him nagging works, he is in control, and that deception is the same as protection. YABU

The fact that you follow him means you don't trust him. So why are you trying to justify yourself? Why don't you tell him you're following him? To avoid a tantrum? Pathetic.

And no, if you're far enough behind that he doesn't know you're there you are NOT close enough should he end up in the road.

Yabu

You shouldn't be putting responsibility onto random parents for your child crossing the road safely. Makes me wonder if one of them has complained about the situation.

You're the parent not him. Just say no.

Seriously, this is ridiculous. I travelled to school by myself (early 90s) when I was 5 and 6yo. Crossing roads and everything. And, not that knew at the time, it was a pretty dodgy area too.

We are very overprotective of our children these days.

YABU 6 it way too young to be crossing roads unaccompanied. Even when you are apparently walking in with him if he's miles ahead on his scooter, what's to stop him being hit by a car coming off a driveway if you're not close enough to warn him? My eldest is 6 and not a chance they'll be walking to school 'alone' any time soon.

There are no hard and fast laws about this but you are responsible if anything goes wrong. Schools rely on custom and practice often in setting their expectations do you know if they have outlined their expectations in this handbook or website? The neglect comment relates to the category they would have to use when referring it up for investigation - police unlikely to pick it up so social care would be the agency to sort it. They would no doubt be satisfied with your explanation and close the referral if you are saying your child is always in your sight and he adheres to your training on road safety it would be difficult for them to argue that they needed to take it further. They might however advise closer supervision to ameliorate the schools concerns and prevent further referrals. The amount of times I see children scootering ahead of their parents which automatically prevents a parent from exercising any physical intervention should the child overshoot the pavement or not follow whatever guidance a parent has given but I see that the parent is testing the instruction given. We are in a tension in the UK where child supervision is higher than its ever been for primary aged children the impact of this is children who are not easily able to learn independence skills at incremental levels it becomes giant steps. In that context any suggestion of a 6 yr doing stuff alone (even if not strictly true) will raise alarm.