Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

I think anyone who lets a 6yr old walk to school alone is idiotic the school are 100% right imo! Was only the other month a 8 or 9yr old went missing and they were lucky not to get done for neglect when he was found

The post says "my NOW 11 year old", Natsku. Presumably the poster is talking about when her ds was the same age as op's; ie. 6?

Ah! That makes sense now.

I am wondering whether alot of the people saying no way are parents who generally drive to school. As I said in a previous post, by the time my 3rd child was at school, she had walked that route and crossed the roads involved for 3 years with her older siblings. That is quite alot of training in how to stop,look and listen. The stupidity of some drivers is an issue and my son was nearly killed once by a hit and run driver but I was right beside him at the time and he was no safer.
This reminds me a bit of the thread about whether you would nip to the next door shop whilst your baby had their afternoon nap. Unless you have lived with a shop next door, it is difficult to actually say as it is not a situation you would ever have to make a decision on.
The reason many kids have poor road safety is that they have never needed it. My cousin is a primary school teacher and when they did road safety lessons with their kids, some literally did not know what pavements and kerbs were, as so many kids only go anywhere by car!!

In Switzerland, children walk to school unaccompanied from the age of 4.

However, they are usually in groups (like a walking bus) and they wear hi viz jackets. The whole culture of the country is that this is how it works, so everyone on the road and on the pavements is aware and acts accordingly.

Personally, I think 6 is too young in this country as everyone around simply won't be taking account of the fact that a six year old is taking themselves to school alone.

My DD started walking across town, one mile, several roads to cross at 9 (Year 4). But not walking alone, that was walking with a friend every day on a pre-agreed route.

The primary schools around here don't allow pupils to walk alone to school till they are in Year 6, if at all. There are walking buses that work well. I think they tightened up after that case when 2 girls (admittedly Year 6) were abducted on their way to school in our area some years back, bundled into the boot of a car, taken to a flat and abused by the abductor for two days (until a policeman followed a hunch, I think, called at the flat anyway). The man received a long sentence.

You should have put your foot down and told him it's not possible until he's older. What's next, taking a train journey into town alone to meet his friends. Kids always try to push the barriers nod you should be thanking the school for stepping in to admonish you.

I was walking alone to friends and to and from from school at times when I was 6-7 yrs old...how the world has changed...I'm only 30! Have we become over protective? I don't have a view otherwise as my older isn't 6 yet and it would very much depend on the child imo.

Cars have much better brakes now than they had when I was walking to school alone at 5.

Definetly far too young. Children have no concept of assessing risk and speeds at that age. I agree with the school and other posters. If he cant see you, you will be far too far away to deal with him stepping out on the road. Also, its not just about that. What if he is distracted by a friend on the opposite side. A boy died many years ago when his friend called out to him across the road. Very tragic consequences. It is not right to also put that responsibility [ which should be yours] on to other older children.

Times have changed, roads are busier, people are more selfish drivers and cars are faster. It is not like years ago anymore.

Every day's a school day, Rosie. Even during half-term.

Seriously, what is wrong with people. You are close by, all good in my eyes. Tell them to report it. Not neglect, they will soon throw it out as ridiculous.
Keep "letting him walk alone" and be in eye line. Stay strong and don't be bullied by this overprotective, scared society we now live in.
X X

Being a sensible 6 yo doesn't make you more visible when attempting to cross a road between parked cars, something we had to teach children to do in london. When you are walking to school in urban areas with triple parked narrow roads and impatient drivers sensible and mature isn't a super power, luck is a big part of it and I used to work in transport planning and road safety so I am well aware of teaching safety skills to my children. I am also a non driver so my caution is nothing to do with not being used to walking. My kids walk everywhere, but my 7 yo will not walk to school unaccompanied til at the earliest the summer term of yr4.

I just read some of this thread then completely co-incidentally stumbled across this relevant video on YouTube. It's about how very normal it is for very young Japanese children to walk to school, run errands etc. on their own. Says that the Japanese economy simply wouldn't function if parents had to take the time to walk their kids to and from school!

I am only posting this here as an interesting thing to watch on this subject rather than a comment on the OP's question, which I am a bit on the fence about tbh. I 'm a big believer in free range child rearing but am not sure I'd be comfortable with them walking alone at six years old. Japan is a completely different culture, where roads and public transport are much, much safer and people follow rules far more consistently than the UK. Interesting to see the little ones doing it in the vid though :)

Although I would probably not have allowed my 6 year old to walk to school on his own (He is 12 now) I have to just say this.... This is a perfect example of a nanny state. The ability of parents to decide what is best for their children has been taken over by government institutions and busy bodies. The second parents make a decision that doesn't suit someone else's ideals, they threaten to report to the authorities. The op is being far from neglectful - she is teaching her son to survive in the real World whilst ensuring that he is safely under her watchful eye. At the end of the day it is your decision alwaysinamuddle - what choices you make for your son!

I did this set up with my son when he was about 8. I have to agree with other posters, even if he is quite careful, if he hasn't noticed you following him, either he's not paying attention to his surroundings or you are following from a significant distance which is cause for concern.
Unfortunately it's the age we live in. I would love to be on your side, and I applaud you for encouraging to get out there with confidence, but the school would not be doing their job properly if they didn't step in.
Stand firm with him, tell him he has to wait a couple of years before you let him go off in front of you.
You would never forgive yourself if something unfortunate happened and you were too far away to help.
6 is far too little.

Sorry Peggy.
I don't think you are right.
We all treat little children differently and protectively. And so we should. They are terribly vulnerable and they are our next generations.
Of course the school has a responsibility to look out for them. And so do all of us.
So you think that a child informing them of terrible abuse, or a child turning up having been battered at home has got nothing to do with the school ?
Of course here we are talking about a very loving mother but I don't think she has got it right and the school should have found a kinder way of putting their point of view.

I think you are letting him learn important skills for life while being a good parent and keeping an eye on him...if we're talking about his welfare (and there are plenty of other kids/adults around) then can't see a problem...I'm stupidly over protective with my youngest but I hate it and wish I could just relax, that said, we are in a rural situation so have no choice but to drive them. x

Amberlabamba. I want to cheer your post. Thank you. Yes! I am so fed up with it. Why we've allowed this situation to come about I don't know!! Follows on from the fines to take your own children on a holiday after you've used your judgement to weigh the pros and cons AND asked 'permission'. Nanny state indeed!

OP YANBU. I personally think you're a great mum. We are wrapping our children up in cotton wool too much and children in developed countries are becoming increasingly less resilient and adaptable. I can't see how you've done anything wrong. School is subscribing to herd mentality IMO!

I read somewhere that children under a certain age just don't have the cognitive abilities to properly judge traffic speed. So you can't really teach them road sense until they're old enough. That's enough for me to think OP you've made the wrong decision here.

here is an article on it

Basically young children misjudge speeds. So a 6 year old is just too young. We have more traffic on our roads than we ever did 20-30 years ago. You can encourage independence in many ways other than letting them walk to school at 6.

Road safety advice is that children are generally NOT ready to cross roads until they are 8. That is advice i have read. If you want to encourage good road sense, there are tons of ways of doing it that dont endanger your child but still encourage them to be independent and keep safe.

YANBU.

He's not going to school unaccompanied in that you are seconds behind him, nor are you encouraging him to try to judge speed himself as you've told him not to cross the roads without a responsible adult (so he'd have to wait for you if another adult didn't cross with him in advance).

So, unless you've seem him crossing unaccompanied and/ore let him get further than a minute ahead of you, I'd tell the school to go sling their hook.

The OP specifically says that 2 of the roads have crossings and the one by school has many other people crossing it so her son isn't having to make judgements about traffic speed.