Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

I used to be sent to the shops when I was six I think that what you are doing is wonderful . I think schools should concentrate on spotting real abuse for instance which teacher thought it was normal for a child to rummage through a bin because they were hungry (shortly before dying of starvation) Most teachers seem to be youngsters with no children of their own, the older teachers having been bullied out because they are on upper pay scale. Stick to your guns, how you raise your child really should be up to you

Twink - that is a good point the open has foisted the responsibility for her ds onto other parents crossing the road with their children. I don't really see that as independence as the child is still reliant on others. When I cross the road with my dc I ask them is it safe to cross? And am constantly reminding them to keep looking and never rely on others to cross safely so it is a teaching opportunity, I admit I am really cautious about road safety.

The flaw in this plan is asking him, at the most dangerous point in the journey, to judge what is sensible according to what other parents/adults do.

That is silly.

Other parents/adults, to a 6yo, include practically everyone. It's a rare 6yo who wouldn't be at risk of making a wrong judgement at a critical point IMO. Nothing to do with maturity, just because they haven't seen enough examples.

To PP who have suggested it's none of the school's business, it is, in fact. There is legislation that requires us teachers to report anything of concern in terms of child protection. I have reported a Y1 child coming to school with a couple of older children (Y4). It is not safe. We have actually been told by our headteacher that we have to look at any babies being carried to see if they have bruises as they are not mobile so any injuries could be abuse I do not do this as I think it is absolutely ridiculous but this is typical of the responsibility the government has put on schools and their staff to be substitute social workers. If we do not report something of concern we can be sacked/prosecuted.

I agree with most people on here. I think you should walk with your child to school, especially now you have been accused of not looking after him properly! He's got years ahead of him to enjoy his independence. He is still very young despite how mature he seems.

I agree with the school. 6 is too young and I'd hold off until he's in the upper juniors

As long as you are present I think the school are being over the top. He's not actually alone and you are secretly getting parents to cross the road with him. You have done everything right and taken all precautions possible. You are letting him walk to school from a distance from you, not actually alone. You are in the right and the school needs to butt out.

Neglect seems unfair
But 6 is too young IMO but you're the parent & if you feel he's ready then ok but the school obviously think differently
Walk him. Not worth being reported

Actually guidelines on roadsafety state to not let your child run ahead???
You are letting him walk ahead. You have no chance whatsoever in intervening. My dd is 5 and there is NO way she has road sense. She would easily cross a road if she saw her friend and she waved to her without any regard to oncoming traffic. 6 is far too little.

20 + years ago DH had a 'disagreement' with his DD over her letting her eldest walk to school along a main road aged FOUR and physically the size of a two year old. she didn't want to get up
Eventually when SS were called in over other matters DH told the social woker..they were not interested. in anything including physical/emotional abuse
The school insisted on the children being collected which she objected to vehemently..'he runs off anyway, waste of my time' but were uninterested in how he got to school.
Our DC we have together walked from 9 + onwards depending on which one..

My six year old goes to the village shop herself and also to her friend's house. There is no road to cross.

It's outside school hours, I don't see what it gas to do with the school tbh. All you're letting him do is walk a bit ahead. I doubt social services would be especially excited

i am from a different generation, 67 years old, so I think the school's threat to report this as neglect is outrageous. I walked to school alone at age 5 although I had no roads to cross. I know we are more aware of safety these days but this level of interference in the lives of caring parents is just wrong.

Hmm. I have less of an issue with whether he's too young, and think that it does really depend on the child, not the age of the child.

But what about the fact that you, his mum, a parent who he trusts, is basically lying to him, and pretty much spying on him?

Maybe this is a controversial comment, but it's what occurred to me.

Haven't read all replies but definitely think that telling him to cross with others is a very bad idea. If he is not old enough/capable of knowing when it is safe to cross on his own then he shouldn't be crossing. I specifically tell my 5 year old, who often races ahead of me, but always waits at the road that he MUST NOT cross when other people cross because those people are not looking out for his safety like I am, they may not even be aware he is there. They are judging safety for themselves to cross not him.

Like others, most kids round here start walking alone in year 5 though there are a couple in year 3 that do, but that gets raised eyebrows. I've seen some extremely unsafe road crossing going on by year 3 children so definitely wouldn't trust a year 2 to do it.

Maybemable, that's a bit crazy re the police. My 9 year old is also small for age and walks alone relatively often. She has had concerned mothers (people who know her slightly) come up and check if she is ok/allowed to be walking on her own. I suppose the police could have thought your son was lying when he said he was 9 but still.... as you say they have to be able to get to secondary school and back fairly soon and need practice in independence at this age.

As some others have commented - there was an interesting study several years ago that showed younger children simply cannot safely judge distances and speed of cars. Doesn't matter how much tell them to look both ways etc, they are unable to make that judgement call.
If saying but he's crossing with other parents so they judge it - did you ask the other parents to take responsibility for your child? Are they aware that they need to be looking out for him as well as their own? If they ask him to wait will he know to mind them?
There are so many other things in which you can encourage independence. This one is too high risk. Roads are much busier than they were even 10 years ago (or even 5...) both in urban and rural areas. You can't compare it to your own childhood - or other countries for that matter as there are so many other factors to consider (number of cars, state of roads, cultural behaviour and awareness etc etc).
Sorry! I appreciate what you are trying to do but I think give it another few years!

Way too young - I agree with previous post if you want to make him feel grown up tell him to wash the car.

Hmm way to young sorry op I'm a seventies child and I didn't walk 'alone' until 8 or 9 and there were no roads to cross I certainly wouldn't have let my children walk at that age although they where bused to school as we lived in Germany all primary school children had to be dropped of and collected by a parent unless school informed someone else was picking up children were taken back to the schools if proper arrangements not followed but don't feel this has in anyway impacted my Dc's ability to be self sufficient or reduced there independence in later life!

I have a ten year old that walked to school on her own for the first time the last day of term and I was terrified with no roads to cross and with two friends sorry but I would say school are right to be concerned not to say your intentions are bad but realistically he is still 6

I think we risk mollycoddling children in this country and they will turn into adults who can't look after themselves properly. I think 6 is a bit too early but 10 as suggested by many on this thread is too late.

Disclaimer: haven't rtft.

1. It's a shame. In Germany walking to school themselves from 6/7 is the norm.
2. Can he walk with the older children like a walking bus/crocodile or have the school vetoed that too.
3. I do not think it is neglect depending on maturity of child (mine is too doolally atm) BUT if it is getting into a CP/SS situation versus walking with him, then it's a non-brainer surely? You simply tell DS you have no choice because the school say he has to walk with you. End.

Oh FGS! In the rest of Europe (at least Germany, France, Switzerland, Denmark and Sweden) your child would be EXPECTED to make his/her own way to school by the age of 6 - in fact my Swiss friends tell me this is a big reason why school only starts at 6 as everyone is expected to make their own way by then, even if it includes a train and a 10-min walk home.

OP your plan seems very sound to me. I'd have an issue with a school that objected to it.

-The OP specifically says that 2 of the roads have crossings and the one by school has many other people crossing it so her son isn't having to make judgements about traffic speed

Anyone with any road sense knows that you still judge whether a car is going to stop at a crossing. I've seen many cars speed over the zebra crossing outside my sons school.

That and the fact that the op would have no leg to stand on if something went wrong. How can you rely on other parents to essentially protect your child when they've not been asked.

Also what about cars coming in and out of driveways?

This isn't about molly coddling.

Yes yes yes to Swiss system

Given that some parts of Switzerland didn't give women the vote until the 1980s, I'll ignore the culture of that country.