Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

middle It has, and some posters have helped me to the point I feel there is a potentially viable solution to work with for the time being.

I don't think in my 7 years in the UK I have felt so alien in my own culture though.

• because of my own culture. Whoops.

In this case I believe the parents makes the judgement call , they know the child and circumstances. The school is overreacting - we should be teaching children independence

I was 5/6 walking to school alone, too, OP, and feel alien in my own bloody culture. Mainly on the grounds of age, but still....

If the school are so concerned about road safety, perhaps they should be teaching it to the kids rather than hiding behind sappy back-covering policy in the name of child protection.

Neglect my arse!

its I don't understand why it's the school's business how a child gets to school, as long as that child is clean, alert, and ready to learn.

I was taught road safety in school by Tufty not so long ago and managed to get myself safely to and from school from the age of 5/6.

It was the done thing, and seen as important. Vital, in fact. As it is in many cultures today.

Road safety is no longer seen as important enough to teach in schools. Fair enough. So it should be up to the parents to deal with these issues as they see fit without interference. Nothing to do with the school imho.

don't understand why it's the school's business how a child gets to school, as long as that child is clean, alert, and ready to learn.

This. The only thing I'd add is that as with any dispute with schools, personally I'd be inclined to immediately put my response on the record, in writing. Obviously in a polite and non-confrontational tone (but not defensive either).

They teach road safety at my DS's school. They start in reception and have age appropriate refreshers in every year. In year 5 they do cycling proficiency, with a session on the road.

I still won't be letting him walk to school until year 5/6.

No he is too young. As a senior teacher I took part in rosta for children coming in/out of school, it was a nightmare. Especially the little boys, they would lose all sense if their mates called to them from other side of road, and they would just dash in front of the cars -
full of childish bravado and fun and forgetting everything their parents/schools had tried to instil in them. Year seven and eight were the worst. I can't see primary pupils being any different. Car drivers always seemed too self absorbed to give any thought at all to fact that they were driving in front of school children.

Ridiculous response from the school - unreasonable or not, the school have pretty much pooh-poohed your arrangement with your son and you can at least now explain to him that it's out of your hands and you have to walk with him... If anything, he'll now feel that you consider him responsible enough to walk without you.

Sorry but very much agree with the school!!

I think the whole charade sounds rather bizarre and I can understand why, in 2016, the school is uncomfortable with the idea.
Having said that, I walked to and from school on my own, in my village, from the age of 6yo, as did all my classmates. It does seem sad that it isn't possible anymore.

Depends on how close you are and how quickly you can get to him and who he is with. But yeah, I can see the school's point because as far as they can see he is unsupervised and alone and crossing several busy roads on his own.

My sister was hit by a car crossing the road, she was 18, just took a momentary lack of judgement, and she had been crossing roads for 8 years on her own! I think 6 is far too young. The school is protecting itself, they have been informed and it is a duty of care that they ensure the child is safe.

In the last month my Nephew was hit by a car walking to school, just the week later another boy close to where ew live was also struck by a car, crossing a local road with parked cars etc.

6 is very young, I think adding a Scooter into the mix makes it worse.

OP regards comms with the school, I would say pick your battles wisely, just say to your DS that for now the school have said that he is too young to walk alone and that you will review in the future, his peers cant be walking alone? I would be wary of the schools perception of your parenting this early on in his schooling.

I have a 7 year old almost eight I wouldn't allow him to walk on his own until he's at least in year 6. The teachers won't even let them go until there's a parent waiting for them. It's not even the kids road awareness but the idiot drivers than wiz around near the school. One of my DC was almost caught by a carry whilst on the pavement. If the school states they shouldn't be walking on their own then you walk with him. Also it can take a second for a child to get hit by a car I doubt you would get there on time especially if your as far back that your out of his sight.

I Iive 10 mins from school too. My son is 7 nearly 8, I enquired about this myself but the school tells me from 8 onwards can they enter school alone,as long as its put in writing to the head mistress first. Often though we get to school 5 mins before the gates close anyway and so he runs into the playground himself.I will always take him gate at least. But not only that I have a 4 year old who is starting in September so I Will be going in the playground anyway every morning.

The school is right. Letting a 6 year old walk to school alone is neglectful. He is too young. He needs to be told that without argument. Also the following from a distance is a bit odd anyway. If he was grabbed could you get to him in time?

*Rosie*is right the increase in road users from the 50s,70s even 90s is massive. I don't know about other peoples kids primary's schools but we have two close together and it's utter chaos. Drivers whizz around without any regard for the kids safety. Adults can get run over but kids aren't always able to judge distance or get out of the way in time if a car comes whizzing across a red light or pull out without looking especially if they can't see them.

We all know that 6 years old is nowhere near the age of reason and good judgement. You would never forgive yourself if your child dashed across against the lights because he was being encouraged by mates who had safely made it to the far side.
So the school was right in advising that it had a responsibility towards its vulnerable children. (We often condemn them for not reporting children at risk).
But the school staff need tuition in good manners.
They should have politely advised you that unaccompanied 6 year olds went against their rules and asked you to take him. Had you refused they would have been in their rights to tell you that you must take him. Another refusal should have led to them informing you that they would have to take the matter further.
What they did was just another form of officious, rude, and crude bullying

I sympathise as I think there is a generational shift between when many posters were growing up - with a lot of us walking to school/shops aged 5-6 and the more protective ethos these days. That said think I read somewhere that 20 per cent of accidents to primary school children happen on the way to/back from school.
I wonder what legal position is? My 9 year old DS - who is tiny - went to the shops (5 mins away) for the first time recently and was returned in a police car with the police saying he was too small to be out on his own. When I questioned whether I had done anything wrong legally in letting him go they said "no." We haven't done it again but I do wonder how he's supposed to get himself to secondary school next year which is a lot further away.

So why is it that our village school encourages kids to walk to school on their own from Y2, when he children can be barely 6 at the start of the year?

This is over protective bollocks quite frankly.

I completely agree with the poster that asked why this child is judged to have the maturity to be educated with the year above but not allowed the other privileges that should go with that? Great way to make home feel left out in what is probably quite a challenging set up for him already.