Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

the school is wrong - you are responsible for your child not them - they are only responsible for them from the minute they walk through the school gate to the minute they leave the school gate. they are only responsible for educating your child - no more, no less. tell them to fuck off.

walking to school at that age is absolutely fine - I see lots of school kids going to school and coming home from school at that age. and most of them have to cross at least one road before they get to our house.

I'd be concerned about a 6 yo crossing busy roads, even with crossing lights - a child near to me was hit by a car on a crossing, the child had the green man and the motorist drove through the red stop light.

For all those saying they grew up in the 50s, 60s, 70s etc and walked to school - just think how much more traffic there is now and how much more impatient drivers are these days.

As others have mentioned, my DD's infant school had a policy that you had to hand your child over at the classroom door - no way would they be allowed to go on their own. I suspect this has been the trigger for the school's interest and they may have asked your son who brought him to school that morning?

Even if you are unwilling to take him to the classroom door each morning, he may need to be handed over by an adult.

I find it very strange that the school gets so hysterical about 6 year-olds turning up without being "handed over" by an adult, but 7 year-olds, so long as they turn up "in groups", are completely ignored.

To the PP who asked about childish bravado, my experience from my own childhood, and children still making journeys alone within my home country is that they gain the skills and independence so young that by senior age showing off and peer pressure just doesn't happen.
And he's more safety aware than most teenagers I've seen, because he knows how tentative the agreement is, and how quickly I would withdraw it if I felt he wasn't complying with rules I've set him.
Traffic where we live is not heavy in the morning, certainly no more so than it was when I grew up.
Rosie similarly, at aged 8 I had full responsibility of my two younger siblings, 6 and newborn for visits to local shops, and for park picnics.

As for drivers running red lights/mounting curbs, my presence won't prevent that, and although I may be able to pull him back, the same could be said when he's 11, and I certainly won't be supervising him then.

He's a very mature and incredibly intelligent young boy, I feel I don't want to stifle him too much when in other aspects of his life his abilities are recognised as being older than his years.

I think the school is being ridiculous, but only because your DS isn't actually walking/scooting to school on his own. What would SS say? 'You're allowing a 6 year old to go to school on his own' - 'No, I'm not, I'm there with him' - 'Oh. alright then'....

That said, I wouldn't let a 6 year old walk on their own tbh. I read something years ago that said that children are generally unable to judge the speed of ongoing objects until a certain part of their brain develops. This tends to happen at around the age of 8. So on that basis I would say 6 is too young, plus the heavy traffic and crazy drivers around here would terrify me. DS2 (3.5) was almost killed a couple of weeks ago when he was just walking along on the pavement quite sensibly! A car zoomed over to the kerb to park, mounted the pavement at high speed, and missed DS by about an inch. The driver was totally unbothered and just ignored me yelling at him as he got out and walked off. If people can do that, who knows how they'd drive when kids are crossing in front of them.

X-post.
mommy I think I'd like to query that with the headteacher myself. Although I suppose they hope that groups are harder to take children from, and that x amount of children will spot dangers the others have missed?

But the whole thing is ridiculous, because he is only pretend alone to feel grown up when really you are there? It's a bit like saying Santa and the tooth fairy aren't CRB checked when they come visiting children at night.

The problem you have with young children walking to school alone is not the children but the traffic. My y5 and y7 children are walking to and from school unaccompanied but I will be walking dd1 until she is 9 there is a busy road to cross to her school with poorly parked parent and commuter cars along both sides, no formal crossing. I frequently see cars stop on one side waving you to cross while traffic on the other lane/ opposite direction continues unabated, the smaller children can easily hidden from view by a parked people carrier and have to poke their heads out to see what is coming... not good. I don't give a shit about how we all walked 12 miles to school in blizzards in the 70s traffic is heavier now and drivers more impatient and the road safety record in this country is abysmal particularly for accidents involving children.

Walking buses are great and should be encouraged, particularly in more urban areas where traffic is heavy and people should be embracing better road safety awareness and fewer car trips, hope that is a workable solution.

Definitely with the school, although they need to use less dramatic language!

I also would be concerned he is friends with "a lot of older children" as you say.

Why does he not have friends his own age? Might be worth pondering over.

He has older friends because he's been moved into the school year above others his age, and they all hang around with older siblings. Also there are two other Swedish children at his school who are 9 and he feels most comfortable with them if he has to choose who to "play with".

DS2 is 9. He is confident and usually sensible and we live 3 minutes' walk from school. One road to cross. I have once let him go to/from school on his own, but usually he is accompanied.

Why? The other day he was with a friend, the football went into the road and they BOTH followed it without looking. They were with friend's mother who grabbed them before a car got them. This didn't surprise me, and actually it was a good reminder for both him and me as to why he isn't yet allowed to walk on his own.

DS1, 11 is much more sensible and can walk on his own (but not with brother) to school.

I think you should foster his independance in other ways. So for example my now 11 year old would run in to the dvd shop to give back the dvd, same with posting a letter. If crossing a road was involved i would either cross with him if it was a busy road or if it was quiet I would tell him when to cross but not actually cross with him (and the same then in reverse). I then gradually allowed him to do more and built it up that way. I do think its too much for a 6yo

I'm slightly taken aback by the strength of the reactions on this thread... My two are 8 and 6, attending a tiny village school which is about 20 mins walk, mainly along a track/footpath from home. We don't often walk, but whenever we do the oldest one asks if she can do so alone. I have said no, mainly because there is a main road with fast moving traffic (though not much of it - other pedestrians very rare) to cross at end of track. I have suggested we try some compromise whereby I hang back, or meet her at the main road to cross with her, so that we can both assess her readiness and gradually increase her level of independence. She says no to this, and I explain that her stubbornness is evidence to me that she doesn't have the necessary maturity. Ironically, while I'm having this argument with the 8 year old, the 6 year old merrily scampers on ahead and is easily out of sight for a good 10 minutes. I am totally relaxed about this - she knows that she must stop short of the road and wait, and I trust her to do this. They're all different, and parents know their own children best. What strikes me about the op is that this 6yo is apparently taking his newfound responsibility very seriously - as evidenced by the fact that he has slowed right down. Seems to me that as a step towards independence it is being managed appropriately from both sides.

I don't believe that were something to happen you could "get to him in seconds". No way. Clearly the school don't either.
He's a very mature and incredibly intelligent young boy. He's 6

I was walking to school alone at 6. No one batted an eyelid, it was absolutely typical for that place and time. It was an urban area and I crossed plenty of roads, though no particularly busy roads (if there had been, that might well have changed things). Where I live now children of 6 also walk to school by themselves.

In your case, it seems as though there was no fundamental difference between walking with him and observing him from a distance, since he scoots far ahead even when you are technically walking him to school. The only real difference is that he thinks he is alone. I agree with PPs that this little deception really does him no good at all. Either he should be trusted to go alone or be told that he isn't ready for this stage yet.

I see from updates that you have a plan in place which sounds quite reasonable. Hope it works out.

As an aside, I'm a bit that some posters don't know which countries make up Scandinavia!

Sorry to derail but I have to ask SeasonalVag about this:

I'd have more of an issue with the scootering actually. My son was born 46 and he won't be going without me for a while.

Eh?

dvd shop to give back the dvd

Do those still exist?

I think you should foster his independance in other ways. So for example my now 11 year old would run in to the dvd shop to give back the dvd, same with posting a letter. If crossing a road was involved i would either cross with him if it was a busy road or if it was quiet I would tell him when to cross but not actually cross with him

That's very little independence for an 11 year old, isn't he secondary school age? Usually they walk to school and cross roads etc. and go to the shops by themselves by that age, don't they?

The post says "my NOW 11 year old", Natsku. Presumably the poster is talking about when her ds was the same age as op's; ie. 6?

I am with the school, he is 6 far too young, 3 main roads to cross is a lot, and your ds is not other parents responsibility. Tell him no, the school has told him he has to go with you, end of! You are the parent, you decide, not him!

When my kids were in primary, the school had a rule that no children under Year 5 could walk to school on their own, and I think that is a good guideline.

My mum followed me to school when I walked 'alone' in year 6.