If your toddlers screech and scream in public

[JackandDiane]

In a cafe say, Non tantrum. Just doing it. Tell them to shut up please. It's fucking annoying.

this was never about SN

Argh, my dd2. 5 loves to let out the odd random screech in Tesco.

But i have a wonderful cure, i can say 'sssh! Babys asleep' and it's silence, like magic.

For a short while, anyway. Quickly leaving that aisle works too

Oh dear! A cafe

Someone upthread mentioned allowing their child to shriek in certain places such as parks, but that just reinforces the notion that it is fine to shriek. Toddlers can play without letting the whole cafe or park know that they are there. You have to be consistent with children and firmly tell them it is unacceptable at all times and be prepared to remove them from the situation. There is a difference between screaming and just playing. A 2 or 3 year old is more than capable of sitting in a cafe for up to an hour without shrieking. They seem to manage it at nursery. I would suggest if you find it hard being strict be prepared and carry crayons and paper and a small book at ALL times. In my experience toddlers get bored easily or are after attention. OP yanbu but at the same time judgey looks are never helpful - unless the parent is completely ignoring the child.

Dixie - you don't know anything about my experience of SN

my 2 year old is a noisy shouter. not tantrumming or anything, but more an excited puppy pepped out on coke cola. when I do the finger to the lip and sshh noise, she goes into an ultra sonic ear piercing scream whilst laughing. she thinks it's a game. it makes my ears bleed and goes right through me. the key is to tune out. I dont take her to places that it would cause a problem though, ie cinema. anywhere else, cafes, supermarkets etc is fair game. if you dont like that then that's not really my problem.

I always assume parents are doing their best and I hope others think the same when my son plays up. I despise the 'I'd never stand for that' judgey mentality as out of the hundreds of screamy kids.I've seen over the years, I've only witnessed perhaps 2 parents who were obviously lazy or not bothered. Surely we are all trying our best, why be so bloody priggish?

I agree. It's the most jarring noise ever. I used to take my two out immediately if they started in a cafe or elsewhere. It's unbearable for everyone else otherwise. It was a right pain for a while and I drank a lot of lukewarm coffees but we cracked it with each of them and they've been mostly great ever since as they know what's expected.

I also have no tolerance, whatever the reason, for letting kids run around in coffee shops. Irritating and downright dangerous for everyone,

Saying something often does make it worse, as the numerous paediatricians i have sen have recommended, you should ignore the bad behaviour and reinforce the good. And as for 'it's not impossible to control a toddler', yours maybe not but mine very much yes, if i lean in close and speak directly and quietly, my 20 month old often just slaps me straight across the chops and laughs. Certainly none of that 'look at that big boy sitting nicely' is going to make an ounce of difference to him.

uncontrollable then

TooGood

"Priggish"? A large proportion of the respondents to this thread either don't think there is anything that they can do about their toddlers behaviour in public or don't think there's anything that they should do.

AnnaMarlowe I haven't seen a single.post that says 'Fuck it,my kids are gonna scream and I won't bother even trying to stop it'.

All young kids make bloody noise, you don't want to listen to noise stay at home.

TooGood really?

2nds - which means many kids and adults with SN would have to stay at home

Yes Anna Marlow but by all means read the thread how you will

Totally agree. I can't stand listening to kids scream like they're being murdered for no good reason. You can teach your (nt) toddler not to inappropriately scream in the same way you teach them not to hit/kick/spit, touch things they shouldn't or have to hold your hand if walking etc.

Toddler shrieking causes ds to hit and bite himself. It is a common sensory issue for people with asd. So although it sometimes can't be helped, it is more than just annoying for some people.

The way going out for us works is we go to a child friendly restaurant like Wagamamas or Giraffe at a non busy time. We always carry cash for early/quick exits. We take sticker books and toys and pencils etc (and our iphones). If a child shrieks we turn to well behaved child and start chatting ignoring shrieking. Shrieking usually stops and we all turn back and praise for good stickering. If we say 'be quiet/stop shrieking' etc child just sees attention attention attention and shrieks way more. Ignoring usually works, but if not child is removed, by dh while i quickly pay, apologise to staff, clean up mess and gather up belongings. We have left before our food is even brought to us before - but that wasn't for shrieking that was for running around screaming/shouting.

I have an SN relation who has to leave if there is shrieking. It makes him very upset and says it really hurts his ears. But IME SN adults needs are ignored by everyone except their relatives and friends.

Villagetaxpayer you raise an good point about expectations being reinforced by all - neighbours, friends, etc as well as family - which maybe links in to the old saying about it taking a village to raise a child?

I realize we're all different, but it's hard not to notice the contrast with a PP who said that if someone told her son to be quiet she'd shout a lot louder than him - and that's just telling him let's remember, not shouting, smacking (god forbid) or something else

An interesting difference in approach, perhaps ...

My ds2 has sn and has meltdowns now and again one lady told me control him better