If your toddlers screech and scream in public

[JackandDiane]

In a cafe say, Non tantrum. Just doing it. Tell them to shut up please. It's fucking annoying.

Of course the manager told you not to worry. You were spending money. As was everyone else who was being deafened

Judgeaway you don't need to get angry here, we're talking about lax parents of nt children. That's not you (I know you have an nt child but you know what I mean). No one is even close to bashing you on this thread. I can see how it has hit a nerve but no one in their right mind would see your situation as judgeworthy.

Children learn from an early age how to behave in public if parent teach them

Why would you need to "don a hard hat" for speaking the truth?

Yes it takes time, yes it can be frustrating and no it's not easy, but that's what being a parent involves. Perhaps the reason "if I say anything it just makes them worse" is seen as a cop out is because that's precisely what it is?

I fucking hate when my toddler screeches in public cos I know people like the op judge me as a shit parent

Same. My DS2 cries and tantrums and screams in public and I'd rather he didn't but it's part of who he is with him having suspected asd, especially when people start judging when they know fuck all about you.

Iheart that's the thing though people do judge because by looking at my Ds he looks NT and that couple over the other side of the cafe will just hear him screaming they won't know he can't talk, has sn etc. So yes I do get defensive because people judge everyday hence the user name

fusion why on earth do you equate "sitting nicely" with being 'joyless'?

In my world sitting nicely means, sitting at the table, with good (age -appropriate) table manners and eating your meal. That doesn't in any way mean the child wouldn't also be happily chatting away and engaging with those at the table.

The choice is not shrieking or silence, there's a happy medium to be struck.

Shelby A short, sharp, smack might help. She'll soon get the message.

Flowers if I recall correctly you don't have children. Your advice to Shelby is dreadful.

When I was growing up we were told in no uncertain terms, even at toddler age, that there had better be something direly wrong - as in, someone drowning, hit by a car or otherwise injured -- if we were heard screaming or shrieking. Outside of emergency it was simply unacceptable and that was taught from pretty much day one. Our own parents told us that, neighbors told us that, aunts, uncles, grandparents and family friends - all enforced it.

No shrieking in the garden, no screaming by the lake or the pool, no shrieking in public places where others might be disturbed. We all managed to "develop" normally into intelligent and productive adults despite not being indulged in random screeching, hollering and shouting. I think it's a bit eye-rolling that suddenly the current generation of children will be somehow warped or stunted if their loud voices are curbed.

Popcorn anyone?

lol at saying something makes it worse - hope you don't use that on teenagers

Cunting 'idiotic' is subjective.

Jack I'm pretty at lots of the comments on this thread, but that one just makes me shake my head in despair.

Cunting some of these people with 'idiotic' expectations have actually, you know, had toddlers and small children so perhaps know what they're talking about?
Last time I checked there wasn't some kind of universal toddlers' right to squeal in public, it's not crushing their free spirits to ask them to pipe down. I'm happy to tell my own and others to pipe down, politely f course. Sometimes they even do as they're told!

I was in a cage the other day and there was a tantruming child nearby. The mother was saying " you're awful look at the other children sitting nicely you are bad!"
I thought this was worse than the tantrum and it upset me.
I think the best thing to do is leave when your child is upset but not berate them.

Some kids just are screamers aren't they? I'm lucky, mine have never discovered that high pitched scream I've heard from other kids (they can certainly get over-excited and loud - but then, so does DP!), but I've met kids, and the parents are doing what they can, and praying the kid grows out of it in my experience - it's not like it's pleasant for them either, but if you show too much reaction, then at the age when screaming is appealing, so's a good dose of defiance.

There's nothing more authority shrivelling than a 2 year old laughing in your face when you get super-angry and tell them off.

YANBU. I have a 16 month old DS (and a 5 year old DD), so I do get that it's difficult.

However, if you want to take toddlers out to eat, you choose somewhere child friendly that can be relied on to bring the food quickly (and something they are likely to eat) and you keep the visit short. You make sure that they are neither very tired/ not hungry at all/ so hungry that they are getting fractious. You take a couple of books, some colouring or a small quiet toy to keep them occupied. And if toddler is still screaming and disturbing everyone else, you take them outside.

TealLove in a cage, no wonder he was upset!

I think some parents do become immune to screeches. I feel sorry for all the SN kids and adults who have to leave spaces because they can not deal with the screeching.
By the way, this is why some cafes and restaurants do not welcome young children.

if mine had been screamers I would have taken them onto my lap and looked at them and spoken quietly and held them until they didn't do it

...or SOMETHING - its not impossible to control a toddler unless in full " FUCK IT LETS GO HOME" meltdown!!

and parents of toddlers need to realise we arent all that into them!