If your toddlers screech and scream in public

[JackandDiane]

In a cafe say, Non tantrum. Just doing it. Tell them to shut up please. It's fucking annoying.

Some toddlers do seem to like to shriek for fun. I notice this because ds hates that noise and it sets him off. If you have one that does it, it is considerate to keep your visit short. This doesn't apply to older children with sn who are noisy because can't expect people to never go out.

I can do that. It will be effective for approximately 10 seconds.

Squoosh

I hate when my own toddler starts shouting/screaming in public, because I know that some people are looking at me/her and thinking "you're so fucking annoying". I do my best to "shut her up" - distract her, tell her not to be so noisy (that one's mainly for the benefit of anyone in earshot who is judging me) and yes, I agree that if you're having a coffee you don't want a screaming, shouting toddler next to you but if the thing they're unhappy about is that they're having to sit down in a coffee shop, removing them from that situation is only teaching them that screaming/shouting is the right way to behave and, obviously, it's not but they have to learn that.

In fairness a lot of people do give you a small smile of encouragement or look of sympathy rather than scowling at you which helps. The people scowling stress you out more which in turn stresses out the child. So actually, the people most pissed off by the situation could be the ones exacerbating it!

Actually I think you have a point op. Both of mine were epic tantrummers and for a while we just avoided places where their behaviour was too antisocial to impose on others. If a hissed "sit down and be quiet or we're leaving" didn't work we left. That's what the carpet hold is for.

That said I don't mind toddler chatter or parents waiting out a tantrum on the pavement. Nor do I mind loudness per se or behaviour that can't be helped. My issue isn't with the children, it's with their sappy, ineffective parents.

There's a time and a place and the library or a cafe where people are enjoying the peace and some lame parent just can't be arsed to discipline their child (or worse, thinks the antisocial behaviour is cute!) needs taking outside to think about how their behaviour (because it's the parent at fault) impacts on others.

I don't like parents shouting or swearing at their children or completely ignoring them but that's not parenting. That's just being a twat.

It is possible to teach children not to screech and scream. Mine don't do it and I find it unbearable when others do. SEN aside, there is no need for it. Sorry.

It takes time and patience and repetition to teach though, the same as saying please and thank you.

Sorry if I sound old fashioned; I don't believe I'm squashing my children's creativity by not allowing them to make ear piercing noises. I'm with you OP!

Movingonup Yes! !!

Moving I love a quiet library. am disturbed in them a hundred times more often by adults chatting or on phones than by kids. Grrr.

OP you are tiresome.

Thistle thing is not all kids are the same.

My issue isn't with the children, it's with their sappy, ineffective parents.

^^ This.

There is a whole world of difference between a parent who is trying to persuade/discipline/distract a badly behaved child from whatever they are doing and a parent that sits there oblivious or happily smiling as if their little darling too cute to be annoying.

I absolutely agree KingThistle but teaching anything takes time and in the interim, before they know what is and isn't acceptable, they will push their luck. Even once you think you've cracked it if they're having an off day they can suddenly start doing something they know they shouldn't, because they know they shouldn't.

It's the parents that are the issue though - I think if you can see that the parents are at least trying to deal with it then that makes a massive difference. But even then I know there are some parents whose method is to ignore the negative behaviour, in which case it looks like they're doing nothing, but it could actually be more effective in the long run.

My DS2 is a bit of a shrieker, more of a table kicker and banger tho. All out of happy excitement. Of course we hate it and try to stop it but have actually found the more we give him attention for it, however negative, he does it more. So we may look like we are ignoring it but inside we are thinking 'for the love of god please stop'. Obviously if it doesn't stop we then remove him but there are times we unavoidably have to go out in public, sorry about that.

DS1 is a whole different kettle of fish, he is 3 with ASD and some of the looks we get for our sappy ineffective parenting are just breathtaking. I really should start photographing some peoples faces and make an art installation out of it. I could title it 'i'm sorry but sometimes we really need to buy toilet roll'.

When DD screams in a cafe I just say "be quiet please Dear" and she says "I'm terribly sorry Mummy, was I making a racket?" and I say "it's OK Darling, finish your quinoa".

Honestly?
As a mother who has had a screaming toddler whose voice couldn't be missed, and another who has some SN, I agree with the OP.

It doesn't matter if the child has some disabilities or is under the weather. The parent need to do something. And yes sometimes, it doesn't work. But there is a hell of a difference between a parent who is trying their best to avoid the noise and one who lets their child do whatever they want. Or just can't be bothered.

And yes no screaming can be taught.

I would expect parents to try to curb shrieking in a playground if they can see it is upsetting another child in there ( or at least steer them away and not let them do it in the child's face).

I'm with you OP. Went to a garden centre to buy some birthday cards the other day, and several mothers chatting were away entirely oblivious to the shrieks of their offspring. Ignore it in your own homes if you wish, but please do at least make an attempt or acknowledge it in public places and other people might get less hacked off.

I'm not keen on the isolated 95db squeal. Makes me jump.
Non-stop noise is much better!

Itsaplay I agree. If the parent is doing anything to remedy the situation I'm generally much less irritated! I was once at a kids' theatre production with mats at the front for kids to sit on. A group of about 6 little girls spent the entire show traipsing loudly up and down the wooden steps because they kept changing their minds about where to sit. The usher had to intervene in the end. The noise was annoying but the parents who just sat there smiling indulgently gave me the RAGE.

Kitsa I am very aware that not all children are the same, thanks! I have more than one child myself and have taught thousands of others. I still think it's possible to teach them not to shriek. (SEN aside, as I have already said).

Happy yy

There seems to be a proportion of MNers who think that there's nothing you can do about bad behaviour or that it should be tolerated because they are "too young to understand" and it is just to be expected. Bollocks to that.

YANBU, the lack of parenting displayed sometimes, really grinds my gears. More interested in their next Latte, rather than controlling their "treasures"

I'm not totally sure what kind of screeching you're referring to OP, in my mind there are three main types:

1. Full on tantrum. Show me a parent who hasn't had to deal with these and been totally mortified. DTs went through a phase of terrible tantrums but rarely kicked off at the same time and the best moment was when DT1 threw herself on the floor in the supermarket kicking and screaming and DT2 stood over her and said very loudly - "Shhh, everyone's looking at us!", prompting most of the disgusted onlookers to squeeze out a giggle.

2. Noise-making. All kids do this when they're learning to use their voices, words and noises, and in play. Sometimes the noises are pretty ear-piercing but they are a part of development. I'd definitely try to get DTs to tone these down when we're in an inappropriate place, but I wouldn't tell them off; they're not doing anything wrong!

1. Actual distress. Obviously parents should respond to this, and generally the noise stops when the distress ends.

To those of you saying at least show you are trying to stop it - would you rather someone do this even if it was making it worse or would you rather they ignore the child if they knew it would stop quicker? Just wondering. I have often observed people prefer you to look like you are parenting to their standards even if it doesn't work on your child, than you deal with it your own way (the way that suits your dc) and it be over quicker. being seen to do something seems more important than being effective.

thumbs up OP. At least attempt to tell them to be quiet, parents! Also in the park behind my house. Thanks!

NK