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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD aged 4 sharing parents' bedroom

335 replies

MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 15:53

We live in a tiny 2 up 2 down house which we rent from a private landlord. Our son has his own room and myself, DH & DD share the other bedroom. DD is always asking for her own room and I feel really sorry for her as I know she would keep it really nice and tidy.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford to move. We are stretched to the limit financially and I already commute 90 mins both ways (3 hours per day) for work so moving further out of the city is just not an option. We have pets as well so can't move into a flat.

So we're stuck. But I feel really sad for DD. Is it so bad for her to share our room? Is anybody else in this situation and if so, how do you handle it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Buggers · 31/05/2016 16:41

So you believe a couple of quid on pet food a week will equal a 3 bedroom house? Grin

witsender · 31/05/2016 16:42

The OP brought them up as a reason they can't move, because not many places will take pets. It isn't that they take up room or cost money, but they remove options.

OohMavis · 31/05/2016 16:42

I was thinking the same about council housing.

You'd qualify for being overcrowded with one child over the age of 10 and the other child being the opposite gender. At least you would be in my area.

Itsaplayonwords · 31/05/2016 16:42

I love it how on MN people think everyone had bedrooms big enough to turn into two with a wall divider!

The room is big enough to accommodate a double bed and at least a cotbed. Plus I presume they must have storage space for clothes for three people so I'd say it must be doable, even if it means making it into 2 box rooms.

Chippednailvarnishing · 31/05/2016 16:42

Getting home at 7.30pm isn't a reason for not retraining, sometimes if the only solution is difficult you just have to suck it up.

I'm guessing the reason people keep mentioning the pets is that the OP has cited them as a reason for not being able to move to a flat.

Why do I get the feeling that this will be one of those threads when the OP just ignores the most obvious suggestions (such as moving the adults into a reception room)...

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:42

19lottie82, I was wondering the same thing! As grateful as I am for people's interest, the 'bigger' bedroom is only 8' x 12'.

As for the pets... they live downstairs, they don't occupy any bedroom space.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 31/05/2016 16:43

But people aren't bringing up the pets because they take up room, they're bringing it up because OP said they're a barrier to moving.

Lunar1 · 31/05/2016 16:43

Put the children in the biggest room with a divider like the one up thread. Then get the oldest one of those ikea high sleepers so he has room underneath and your dd a mid sleeper.

Petal40 · 31/05/2016 16:43

Bless you all,wish I could help....everything has been suggested already I think,except could you move in with either sets of parents for a time while you save up for a deposit for a mortgage ? I think possibly moving to a cheaper area and compleatly starting again ,job house school wise....I think in yr situation that's what I'd be inclined to do....sorry if that's not helpful x

Nousernameforme · 31/05/2016 16:43

most landlords won't take pets i think that's why people are saying no pets=better chance at a 3 bed

mummymeister · 31/05/2016 16:44

chanelfreak the Op has a problem and has asked for help. the issue with pets is two fold:

  1. if you rent very few landlords will take pets of any sort and this narrows down what is available for renting. it also means those properties that do take pets are able to charge a premium for them. so, if you rent and you have pets accom is not only harder to find but it is more expensive.
  1. pets cost money for food, insurance, jabs etc. if you are on a limited budget and cant afford to rent a property big enough for your family then surely you have to look at all options.

of course pets are disposable objects. don't be so sentimental about them. they would very happily live with another family providing they were properly cared for. too many people humanise their pets and animals in general.

Buggers · 31/05/2016 16:44

Foul. No wonder so many poor animals are in rescue centres.

Cabrinha · 31/05/2016 16:45

Lots of people suggesting the division of the larger room for the two kids - OP, you haven't said why that isn't an option? (unless I missed it)

Even if your bigger room isn't big enough to divide, are there any options to rent another 2 bed pet friendly house for the same money where the balance of rooms is different, giving you one bigger room?

SugarBlossom92 · 31/05/2016 16:45

Does your daughter have her own bed in your bedroom? Sorry if that's already been answered.

Itsaplayonwords · 31/05/2016 16:45

*I was thinking the same about council housing.

You'd qualify for being overcrowded with one child over the age of 10 and the other child being the opposite gender. At least you would be in my area.*

Although she's likely qualify she'd be a low priority - there are homeless households, those who need to move due to severe medical needs, not to mention those who are overcrowded by more than one bedroom and those who are in a similar situation to the OP but have already been waiting a considerable number of years. This country is in the middle of a housing crisis - there isn't enough accommodation for those who are a high priority, let alone those who aren't. (Obviously the situation is worse in some parts of the country than others).

chanelfreak · 31/05/2016 16:45

mummymeister I'm not even going to dignify your callous comments with a response. Sickening attitude.

GingerIvy · 31/05/2016 16:46

I love it how on MN people think everyone had bedrooms big enough to turn into two with a wall divider!

We don't assume it. A number of us have asked how big the rooms actually are, but I don't see an answer to that, so we have to offer suggestions based on the information we have.

The bigger bedroom in our flat isn't that huge, and it will take some creativity, but we'll sort it. Ours are both boys, so it's not a huge huge issue, but then I'm not one to flip out over both children having their own rooms, as long as they each have some private areas of their own, which generally can be sorted with some thinking.

balia · 31/05/2016 16:46

Agree with MummyM. We have 3 cats and I love them dearly, but would certainly rehome them in an instant if it meant my DD had her own room.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 31/05/2016 16:47

If your room can fit (I assume) a double bed and a single bed, plus clothes storage for the three of you, then surely its big enough for the DC to share with an area for each of them to have space! A cabin bed for your DD and a High sleeper for your DS would free up floor space. My two have had cabin beds since they were 3 and 4, never fell out, and they use the underneath as a den/toy storage. Wardrobes and a desk will fit under a high sleeper for your DS.

How long are you expecting your DD to be comfortable with sharing a room with her parents? Does your DD have to wait for her brother to move out? If your DS goes to uni at 18 your DD will already be 12!

No point hand wringing, you need to find a viable alternative!
You move into living room, the DC share with zoned spaces for each of them (curtain off their beds/room dividers etc) or you find a way to move house.

diddl · 31/05/2016 16:47

"most landlords won't take pets i think that's why people are saying no pets=better chance at a 3 bed"

My reading of it is that they can't afford a bigger place in any event.

Cabrinha · 31/05/2016 16:48

Just on the current set up...
How does your daughter actually feel about sharing with you?

My daughter is 7 and shares with me because we both like cosleeping. Her bedroom is there if she wants it - she never does. We love the cuddles!

And my fiancé and I like sofa sex Grin

Does this have to be a short term issue?

SaucyJack · 31/05/2016 16:48

There are no councils in expensive cities that are gonna be able to magic up an empty three-bed house because an 11 year old and 4 year might otherwise have to share a bedroom.

OohMavis · 31/05/2016 16:49

Very true, Itsaplayonwords, but there's no harm in OP getting herself on the list all the time they have no long term plan.

SuburbanRhonda · 31/05/2016 16:49

If the OP was already in council housing the family would be classed as overcrowded in my area too, with the oldest child over 10 and them not being the same sex.

Not sure whether the council would rehouse someone who is in private rented over anyone else on the list who is also overcrowded.

I would do this - put your name down on the council housing list. You will not be on a high band but it's better than not putting your name down at all.

Buy a sofa bed and put it in the living room for you and your DH, as PP have suggested. There is no other solution.

mummymeister · 31/05/2016 16:49

chanelfreak my nan always told me never to trust anyone who loved pets and animals more than people.

overcrowding - the Op is not statutorily overcrowded under the definition of the various housing acts. therefore whilst her local auth might have their own good practice standards they seek to achieve, they do not have to by law have to offer her somewhere else to stay. with 2 bedrooms and one living room the house could sleep up to 6 people. the overcrowding standard is archaic to say the least and that is why lots of councils adopt a better policy than that provided by law. (the under 4 year old only counts as one half for the purposes of the act so they are nowhere near stat overcrowding)