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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD aged 4 sharing parents' bedroom

335 replies

MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 15:53

We live in a tiny 2 up 2 down house which we rent from a private landlord. Our son has his own room and myself, DH & DD share the other bedroom. DD is always asking for her own room and I feel really sorry for her as I know she would keep it really nice and tidy.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford to move. We are stretched to the limit financially and I already commute 90 mins both ways (3 hours per day) for work so moving further out of the city is just not an option. We have pets as well so can't move into a flat.

So we're stuck. But I feel really sad for DD. Is it so bad for her to share our room? Is anybody else in this situation and if so, how do you handle it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
KatieKaboom · 31/05/2016 16:09

Today 16:05 PotteringAlong

And yes; get rid of the pets. You can't afford them apart from anything else.

Chilling that some people regard pets as throwaway items. Sad

OP, your daughter will cope. We used a screen in our room to fence off an area for our daughter. She lovwd it amd we loved the naughty giggkes from behind the screen. Would that work for you?

HermioneJeanGranger · 31/05/2016 16:10

Well your room is big enough for a double bed, so the kids need to share your room and you and DH squish into the smaller room.

I don't think it's fair for a nearly school -aged child to be sharing with her parents.

BeStrongAndCourageous · 31/05/2016 16:11

Also, if you married a selfish shit, and he remains a selfish shit, and you stay with him anyway - well, who else's fault is it?

coconutpie · 31/05/2016 16:11

Not really an option to share considering your DS is almost a teenager and he'll need his own private space.

Is it possible to get a new job so that you can move and therefore won't have a 90 minute commute any longer?

BeStrongAndCourageous · 31/05/2016 16:12

Sorry, ignore my previous comment - wrong thread!

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:12

BeStrongAndCourageous, are you on the right thread Grin ?

OP posts:
cariadlet · 31/05/2016 16:13

It's a shame for her, but lots of children are worse off.

Even if you put the 2 children in together she still wouldn't have her own room - and in few years time they wouldn't want to share with each other anyway. Teenage siblings do sometimes need to share with each other, but it's usually brothers sharing or sisters sharing. Once children become self conscious about their bodies, brothers and sisters are likely to be uncomfortable sharing a room with each other.

What's the council housing situation like where you live? Is it worth putting your name on the waiting list to try and get a 3-bedroom house?

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:13

Nah, it took me 2 years to find this job. The commute is another big stress of mine at the moment. I know these are first world problems, but still...

OP posts:
LunaLoveg00d · 31/05/2016 16:15

I don't have a long-term plan.

Well you need to start thinking of one, because this situation is just going to get worse.

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:16

What would your long-term plan be then LunaLoveg00d?

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 31/05/2016 16:17

But how long do you think this can last? Not much longer, realistically.

Your room is big enough for at least a double bed and a cot. So stick some curtains down the centre and put the kids in there.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 31/05/2016 16:17

I know children are in worse situations but this one is pretty unfair - one person gets a room to themselves and then three crammed into one room? I don't think it's the ds' fault but I do feel there needs to be somewhere for the little girl to play.

diddl · 31/05/2016 16:17

Do the pets occupy a space that the daughter could use as a bedroom, is that why people are suggesting that they be got rid of?

KatieKaboom · 31/05/2016 16:17

I used to live in a city where it was really common for three generations to share two rooms.

Your daughter has two loving parents, a roof over her head and other creature comforts. You are doing FINE.

You may be able to afford a better rental at some point and get your kid her own room. Till then, she is NOT suffering and she will be ALL RIGHT.

My daughter constantly asks for a tree house.... which would be a stretch, as we have no garden. Grin

Buggers · 31/05/2016 16:17

What pets have you got? Don't get rid of them they aren't objects although I think you know this too Smile. Do you private rent?

SaucyJack · 31/05/2016 16:18

Can you fit a double bed in the smaller room?

If you can, then you and your DH should go in there and the DC in the bigger bedroom. Maybe try and split it in half with captain beds and curtains.

I'm sure your son would prefer not to share with his younger sister as he gets older, but unless you plan on winning the lottery or putting one kid up for adoption then at some point it's going to be a tough titty situation.

VimFuego101 · 31/05/2016 16:19

It's ok for now, but when she gets older she will want her own space. If you really don't see any way of moving, then I think you and your DH moving into the living room is the best option. Your DS may move out and go to uni when he turns 18, and then presumably can use that sofa bed instead when he comes home for holidays.

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:19

No, the pets don't occupy any space.

OP posts:
GingerIvy · 31/05/2016 16:21

Which bedroom is the biggest and how big is it exactly? Can you divide the biggest bedroom into two for the dcs? Bunkbeds in particular are great for dividing up a room. We are downsizing into a 2 bedroom flat (in a nicer area in London) which means 9yo ds and 6yo ds will be sharing a room. The plan is to divide the larger bedroom up somewhat so they each have a portion of the room "to themselves" with the main part of the room a "common area." They're both happy with that. I don't mind having the small room.

dowhatnow · 31/05/2016 16:21

I'd put the kids in your room with as big a divider as you possibly can, then keep all your clothes and effects in the smaller room and sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 31/05/2016 16:23

If you can't move then you need to make it better for your children; their needs trump yours, especially as it was you who chose to have two children and multiple pets.

If yours is the larger room then you need to swap with the children and put a divider up; any space that your daughter feels is hers only will be so much better than none at all. If that doesn't work then you and DH need to sleep downstairs on a sofa bed and keep your things in one of the children's rooms.

SideOrderofChip · 31/05/2016 16:24

Its not fair to your DD. You need to start thinking of a long term plan.

bigarse1 · 31/05/2016 16:26

we have had a sofa bed in the living room for the last 3 years as we had unexpected disabled twins.

not the most fun ive ever had but possible and I believe the right thing to do x

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 31/05/2016 16:27

You need a long term plan.

Can you move to a cheaper area?
Can you change jobs?
Is it better financially to give up work?
Retraining?
Evening job?

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:27

What would your plan be, SideOrderofChip?

OP posts:
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