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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD aged 4 sharing parents' bedroom

335 replies

MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 15:53

We live in a tiny 2 up 2 down house which we rent from a private landlord. Our son has his own room and myself, DH & DD share the other bedroom. DD is always asking for her own room and I feel really sorry for her as I know she would keep it really nice and tidy.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford to move. We are stretched to the limit financially and I already commute 90 mins both ways (3 hours per day) for work so moving further out of the city is just not an option. We have pets as well so can't move into a flat.

So we're stuck. But I feel really sad for DD. Is it so bad for her to share our room? Is anybody else in this situation and if so, how do you handle it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 31/05/2016 17:01

Luna, but it's so cheap, and yet still a city! (Dsis lives not far and I am constantly shocked at the house prices and rental prices compared to London).

SuburbanRhonda · 31/05/2016 17:02

OP, could you just say what you think of the sofa bed in the living room idea?

ExitPursuedByBear · 31/05/2016 17:03

Sheesh there are some weird responses on this thread.

OP - there is no harm in your children sharing a bedroom.

Itsaplayonwords · 31/05/2016 17:03

OP, depending on where you are in the country you could also have a look at Housing Associations - some of them have a small number of properties which they offer directly (not through the Council Housing Register) and they offer them at what is called an "affordable" rent - usually 80% of market rent. That could make a 3 bedroom property more affordable for you but it is possible that they wouldn't accept pets and so it may be that you would have to make that decision.

SuburbanRhonda · 31/05/2016 17:03

Even DC who go to university come back, sometimes forever Shock

EveryoneElsie · 31/05/2016 17:04

If you were in Council Housing 20 years ago they would have put you on the waiting list for a a 3 bed, as the kids are too old to share being the opposite sex, and your DD is too old to share with you.

Have you applied to the local council and HA's? You might get lucky., and the rents tend to be very reasonable.

HappyNevertheless · 31/05/2016 17:04

The bunk bed idea sounds the better idea atm. And yes, trying to go for a 'higher end' market for them rather than a flimsy bunk bed from Argos will make a difference too so both dcs will havew the feeling they have their own space.

Of course, you can have a sofa bed and use that for yourself and your DH.
However, there is a big issue of privacy there, for your DH and yourself. I don't think it's a workable LT solution.

I feel for you OP. It looks like you are stuck in a hard place.

charlestonchaplin · 31/05/2016 17:05

balia Agree with MummyM. We have 3 cats and I love them dearly, but would certainly rehome them in an instant if it meant my DD had her own room.

You clearly have no idea of what love is. I have no animals. I don't believe having a pet would enhance my life but I also don't treat them as shabbily as some of you so-called animal lovers.

KatieKaboom · 31/05/2016 17:06

I believe that kids get FAR more out of having a pet than out of their own bedroom.

But you'll seldom hear that here on KeepingUpWithTheJonesesNet.

The pethaters on this thread can fuck off.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 31/05/2016 17:06

I'll never understand the mindset of people who have more children than they can accommodate

I'll never understand the mindset of people who don't get that circumstances change

the OP said that they were better off when she got pregnant with no2 but their finances took a hit
The OP said that it looked like they would be able to buy/move, and now they can't.
Jez!
What do you want people to do? Go back in time and un-plan their family if their circumstances change?
It could happen to any of us at any time you know! And the OP can accomodate her kids, the 4YO would like her own room, and the OP would like to give her one, but own room is a luxury, the needs are met they're not technically over crowded with 4 people in a 2 bed house

pearlylum · 31/05/2016 17:07

I agree that you need a long term plan. I would be looking at changing jobs, and moving- many cities have good opportunities with much lower housing costs than London.

KatieKaboom · 31/05/2016 17:07

Hear hear Charleston. That comment in particular...

Janecc · 31/05/2016 17:07

The pets are members of the family. mummymeister regarding what your grandma said, that's not what the other posters are actually saying. I wouldn't trust people, who disposed of animals so freely. Disposing of the pets will affect the children's mental health far worse than sharing a bedroom surely? I've heard of people dropping pets off at the sanctuary because they didn't go with the new decor. Hmm

I like the bunk beds in the middle of the room with opposing dividers attached for privacy.

Itsaplayonwords · 31/05/2016 17:07

What are the dimensions of your sons bedrooms OP?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/05/2016 17:09

wow, some harsh replies here.

SHE LIVES IN A SMALL HOUSE, AND CANT AFFORD TO MOVE. so shoot her!

I work FT, and have the same situation, luckily as I have 2 boys- I wont ger the level of meanness you have on here

I agree, you and DH move to a smaller room and split your slightly larger room - have a family meeting and all agree on whats best

Witchend · 31/05/2016 17:09

My younger two dc would happily swap having their own rooms for pets...

I don't think it's an issue at 4yo. At 4yo ds was devastated because I wasn't prepared to put a bid in for a Harrier Jump Jet. Yes, the real ones.Grin
I do think you will need to do something creative for her- what about if you have a cupboard under the stairs? Could you make that a den for her? We use to love playing in ours. Not to sleep in, but her own space for when she has friends over etc.

As ds is 7 years older he will be leaving home when she's 11yo, so you can get him a sofa bed for the holidays and she can have the room.

At 4yo ds still came into our room every night by choice, so I don't think it's an issue for now.

charlestonchaplin · 31/05/2016 17:10

Floggingmolly Or indeed, one's who'll happily squeeze into a rabbit hutch themselves so they can hang onto the pets that don't fit either.

It's called making and keeping a commitment. I guess it's a foreign concept for some.

EweAreHere · 31/05/2016 17:10

I think your best solution is to give the children the bigger room and be creative in splitting it so they still each have some privacy. You and DH only need a bed in your room; the rest of your stuff can be stored creatively somewhere. Or even a high hanging bar with a shelf over the top of it across one wall of the room ....

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/05/2016 17:11

good job we are not in a developing country though hey?

yuk and yuk to some of the hater posts on here

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 31/05/2016 17:11

I'm not entirely sure what OP was hoping to get out of this thread.

KatieKaboom · 31/05/2016 17:13

Probably some replies from non-arseholes.

mummymeister · 31/05/2016 17:14

I am not a pet hater. not in the least. I have pets and have had for a long time including rescue rabbits, guinea pigs, battery hens, ducks, turkeys etc. I don't take on an animal, any animal, unless I have the time, money and space for it. I live in the middle of nowhere with lots of land. not in a city in a tiny house which is too small for my kids. no one has even mentioned studying and exams yet but that will be a time when the kids need a quiet space.

I have no intention of fucking off just because some people on here don't agree with me.

All this throwing your hands up in horror "oh, no you cant get rid of the pets" and not actually reading the full thread is pretty poor imo.

I said if all other options were exhausted. not strangle puppies in the living room fgs.

if you own a pet then you know finding a landlord to take them is a nightmare. the op could try and speak to some agencies. get them to come and see how well she looks after her current place with pets. she could offer a bigger security deposit. she could offer monthly inspections to show that her pet isn't doing damage. where I live roughly 1 in 50 rental properties will take pets and they are charging a hefty couple of hundred quid more a month to take them . that is the reality of being a renter and a pet owner.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/05/2016 17:16

Probably some replies from non-arseholes

hahah, chance would be a fine thing

Floggingmolly · 31/05/2016 17:17

SHE LVES IN A SMALL HOUSE, AND CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE
Op has indicated that moving to a larger flat with an extra bedroom is only off the table because of the pets.

TwentyCupsOfTea · 31/05/2016 17:17

I think the best plan is give the kids the bigger room and do bunk beds. It's not ideal but as said before three in one and one in another is not making best use of the space available. You could look at getting a small double (slightly smaller than standard) for u and DP with the kids in bunk beds.
I think that's better than a room each for the kids with you two in the living room, as that solution leads to less family space. Even if they don't have their own room they can be in the living room then. I find homes where people sleep in the living room have a more chaotic feel to them. If I did that in my home it would feel like beds everywhere, with only a tiny kitchen that didnf have sleeping bodies crammed into if.