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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD aged 4 sharing parents' bedroom

335 replies

MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 15:53

We live in a tiny 2 up 2 down house which we rent from a private landlord. Our son has his own room and myself, DH & DD share the other bedroom. DD is always asking for her own room and I feel really sorry for her as I know she would keep it really nice and tidy.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford to move. We are stretched to the limit financially and I already commute 90 mins both ways (3 hours per day) for work so moving further out of the city is just not an option. We have pets as well so can't move into a flat.

So we're stuck. But I feel really sad for DD. Is it so bad for her to share our room? Is anybody else in this situation and if so, how do you handle it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Laniakea · 31/05/2016 16:27

I'd get a sofa bed in the sitting room for you & dh to use.

Nanny0gg · 31/05/2016 16:28

Can't you move nearer your work? Would that give you options?

Jackie0 · 31/05/2016 16:29

Sofa bed in lounge for you and Dh , I think that's the best solution really .

Arkwright · 31/05/2016 16:29

My cousin had one child and then twins. The children had the two bedrooms between them. They bought a sofa bed and slept downstairs every night. Putting the bedding under the stairs each day.

MyBreadIsEggy · 31/05/2016 16:29

Leave DS where he is.
Put DD in your bedroom.
Replace your living room sofa with a sofa bed for you and DH.

Stardust160 · 31/05/2016 16:30

Why would you have a child knowing you don't have adequate space for her? To share a room with her parents at that age is unfair. I would suggest cut back of stuff to save up and seek alternative accommodation. As others said what's going to happen when she gets older?

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:32

Can you move to a cheaper area?
I commute 90 mins to live in a cheap area, I would have to live even further out to find cheaper.

Can you change jobs?
No. It took me 2 years to find this one.

Is it better financially to give up work?
That would be my dream, but we are struggling on 2 salaries.

Retraining?
No time. I don't get home until 7.30 pm as it is.

Evening job?
As above.

But thanks. I appreciate all the responses and questions.

OP posts:
Buggers · 31/05/2016 16:32

Think everyone is being quite harsh on the op. It's not the most practical but kids around the world have no where to live, no food and no water - yet everyone's pissed off because a 4yr old doesn't have their own room?! There is far worse in the world than that.

KellyElly · 31/05/2016 16:32

I have a one bed. I have a futon in the living room and DD has the bedroom. Looks like that arrangement is your only option.

Original poster
MarchelineWhatNot · 31/05/2016 16:33

We were better off when I was pregnant, unfortunately I had a medical condition that meant that I spent most of my pregnancy on bed rest and that finished us financially.

OP posts:
Stardust160 · 31/05/2016 16:34

B&Q do temporary wall dividers for £55. It would require about two depending on the size but you can paint these any colour of your choice. If you swap them to your room

paxillin · 31/05/2016 16:34

Just get a bunk bed and she shares with her brother. Not ideal, but better than 3 people in one bedroom, one in the other. She will think her brother is three times as important as she is, that can be the sort of maths kids come up with in such an unfair situation.

teafortoads · 31/05/2016 16:34

Wouldn't the council have a duty to house you as you are overcrowded?

Floggingmolly · 31/05/2016 16:34

If you haven't got enough room for your kids; you definitely don't have room for pets. How can you prioritise pets over finding a decent home for your kids??

Nousernameforme · 31/05/2016 16:35

My plan would be swapping a sofa for a sofa bed and you and dp sleeping in the living room and giving her your room. Yes it's not ideal clothes wise you will have to put some in ds room some in dd room but problem solved your room is really only used by you at night/morning. Otherwise is there a loft? any chance landlord would agree to boarding it so it would be another room?

Joystir58 · 31/05/2016 16:36

it must mean you have no love life either, so you need to look at the options being suggested here, think creatively, be flexible- one of these solutions has to be doable

LunaLoveg00d · 31/05/2016 16:36

What would your long-term plan be then LunaLoveg00d?

No idea. I have no clue where you live, where you work, what you do for a job, what your other half does for a job, what your qualifications are, what your financial situation is etc etc etc.

Stardust160 · 31/05/2016 16:37

These can be painted any colour and quite trendy

DD aged 4 sharing parents' bedroom
Buggers · 31/05/2016 16:37

The pets don't have their own room?! Why do they keep being brought up as a solution?Hmm

mummymeister · 31/05/2016 16:38

Move yourself into the smaller room and put in bunkbeds for the two of you. The sort with a pull out bed underneath. move your son and daughter into your room with a curtain or double sided free standing shelving between them . this is not a long term solution and you have to have a plan b. if the only reason you cant move is due to pets then I am sorry but I would be rehoming them. of course pets are for life but so are children and their needs come first. I would only do this if I had absolutely exhausted all other avenues - finding somewhere bigger that took pets, moving a bit further out, finding somewhere with more downstairs rooms. could you convert the understairs cupboard to sleep in like in HP? sounds odd but if you are that tight for space. we had friends who made their bathroom into a shower room and used the extra little bit of space as a bedroom.

Itsaplayonwords · 31/05/2016 16:38

Give up the bigger room for your children. Someone else made a really good suggestion of putting a bunk bed in the middle to divide the room - you can put a piece of MDF (is that still a thing?) against one side on the bottom bunk and another piece on the other side of the top bunk going up to the ceiling. That way they will exit the bed into their "own room" and will not have to share space. You said your ds's room is tiny but even if it's only big enough to fit a double bed in and literally nothing else then do that - change the door around so it opens out from the room and put storage units high up attached to the walls. Yes, you'd have to stand on the bed to get to it but who cares? If need be you can keep some of your clothes in a wardrobe in your children's room.

19lottie82 · 31/05/2016 16:39

I love it how on MN people think everyone had bedrooms big enough to turn into two with a wall divider!

PotteringAlong · 31/05/2016 16:39

Because pets cost money. No pets = more money = bigger house.

chanelfreak · 31/05/2016 16:39

Can everyone telling the OP to just get rid of the pets please fuck right off. They aren't bloody elephants or lions, nor are they disposable objects. Christ.

SugarBlossom92 · 31/05/2016 16:41

Im in a similar position and me and my partner took the smallest room and gave the kids the bigger room to share it didn't really bother me though as we don't spend time in the bedroom apart from to sleep.

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