DD aged 4 sharing parents' bedroom

[MarchelineWhatNot]

We live in a tiny 2 up 2 down house which we rent from a private landlord. Our son has his own room and myself, DH & DD share the other bedroom. DD is always asking for her own room and I feel really sorry for her as I know she would keep it really nice and tidy.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford to move. We are stretched to the limit financially and I already commute 90 mins both ways (3 hours per day) for work so moving further out of the city is just not an option. We have pets as well so can't move into a flat.

So we're stuck. But I feel really sad for DD. Is it so bad for her to share our room? Is anybody else in this situation and if so, how do you handle it?

Thanks.

Itsaplayonword gives a good suggestion - look for a 3 bed that has something 'wrong' with it. Road noise, train track, ally way, estate with a bad name that isn't actually that bad etc

Getting council accommodation is next to impossible as most of it was sold off in the 80s and now in the ownership of greedy buy-to-let landlords.

Please tell me you're not using that as an excuse to not even put your name down for a council property? With that kind of fatalistic attitude, nothing will change.

I don't think you want a solution, you want sympathy. I agree it is a horrid situation. Hope it gets better.

I don't know what everyone else's councils are like but ours won't even let us go on the list as they say our earnings are enough to house ourselves privately. So it's not always as simple as putting yourself on the list and waiting your turn.

Op you didn't answer about shared ownership and shared equity? Have you looked into these? They are probably the best solution for your family.

knives

The OP hasn't said she's ineligible for council housing. She's just said there's no point putting her name on the list because there is less council stock than there used to be.

OP, you have to pull yourself out of this negative mindset. If you wanted possible solutions to consider, there are shed loads on this thread. I work with families like yours and ime there's no problem harder to solve than a negative attitude to all options suggested for changing things.

You need to put your family before having pets. The amount of times I hear people complain about not being able to do xyz etc because of the dogs/cats/rabbits etc. I'm sorry, but what's more important to you? What are your priorities? Owning pets, or your children's comfort?

What pets do you have that outside space is an absolute necessity? I assume it can't be dogs, since you are both out of the house such long hours. Plenty of people keep cats and rabbits in flats.

Oh, I know that Rhonda just pointing it out in case people thought it was that simple. OP hasn't given much information on anything really, lots of workable solutions for the short term at least have been suggested.

What about your DH and son sharing one bedroom, you and daughter sharing other bedroom? (You and DH using lounge for other pleasures?)

suburbanrhonda is absolutely right. this isn't a problem of living accommodation or a child sharing a room it is an attitude issue.

the op is unhappy. her accommodation is too small, she feels crammed into it. It took ages to find the right job but it came with a ridiculous commute which clearly she isn't enjoying. Her relationship isn't working.

faced with all of this its just so easy to keep saying "Nah that wont work. no I don't like that."

The issue about the pets is simple. the OP needs somewhere with a garden and that in her area equals a house. houses with gardens and 2 bedrooms are the same as a flat with 3 bedrooms and no garden. the only reason for suggesting re-homing the pets is because clearly the OP's living conditions, the lack of space for her relationship with her DP and the impending issue of a girl sharing a bedroom with a teenage boy are seriously getting her down.

pets are lovely and rewarding. but they are not essential.

Yes there are lots of rental properties out there - everywhere, loads of them. but very very few take pets. even council properties. so the Op could put her name down, she could get an offer of a 3 bed house and then be told no pets!

The reason the Op isn't responding to the sofabed in the lounge suggestion is because she knows it is not a long term solution.

The only long term solution is moving though.

You must be spending a fortune on commuting. Now you are employed you would find it easier to find a new job locally. I would put all your efforts into getting a job locally which will presumably save a lot, possibly your dh, too depending on his type of work.

Then focus on finding a larger property even if it is in a slightly less desirable location. Write a list of things that you think could work as opposed to dismissing all the possible solutions. People in much more difficult situations (ie single parents, very low incomes etc) do manage to move to larger properties, you have to decide which compromises you are willing to make.

Maybe use your commute time to get creative?

I would say yes, a 50% increase in rent is worth a room for your daughter and a sex life for you and your husband.

But I also think you could probably look at cheaper areas/houses with something 'wrong' and reduce this a bit.

Then you can decide what's more important - the area you live in, or keeping the pets. I don't say this callously. I have loads of pets and my son would be GUTTED if we had to rehome them. So would I. But right now, you're not really in the right place to be able to house your children and pets effectively. I say this with love.

You have my sympathy OP, I hope some of the suggestions are worth looking into. For now though it works, you'll definitely need a long term solution.

We rent a house out near a station direct to Euston area of MK. It has 2 large upstairs bedrooms, a separate living room (which could be a bedroom) and a dining room (which could then be the lounge/diner) and a kitchen, utility room, and large bathroom. It is 800 per month for that kind of thing round there and about 500 per month for fares per person i think. Is that kind of thing possible. (the commute is about 90mins and the people we rent to have pets so there are LLs who allow them) Also there is quite a lot of work in MK.

I usually hate it when people suggest moving, but sometimes it might be worth considering. Obviously ignore this if it doesn't help :)

I second MyMurphy's suggestion (you sharing with your daughter; your husband sharing with your son; going downstairs for intimate time). A friend of mine does this and it works well for them. (Although they had to move in the end when she got pregnant with their third child - restricting intimacy to the sofa obviously still worked for them!)

How on earth does a dog cost 1500 a year? That's ridiculous.

OP, I know people in your situation and they went for the sofa bed in the living room option.

Seconding MrsKoala's idea, MK was the first town that came to mind! The commute is very doable and obviously it's quite popular with commuters due to proximity to London. Rent isn't cheap but I'm willing to bet it's several shades cheaper than London.

Almond - I could easily imagine £1500 a year for a dog. That's only £125 a month. Dogs need food, pet insurance, occasional dog walker/ kennels , vaccinations, flea treatment, odd extras like toy/ bed/ lead/ shampoo.

My last cat 10 years ago cost £40 a month in food, £9 insurance, £10 cat litter. Plus 3 times a year week long stay in cattery

Wellingborough is really cheap- much cheaper than MK, but it is on the fast train line so tickets may be more expensive.

katie this is why there are so many abandoned pets because people regard them as disposable.
It's vile.
Op isn't struggling to feed her kids or pay the rent, but let's get rid of the pets!
I'd do everything i could before i'd ever dream of getting rid of mine. I'd feed them before myself if i had too, but then ours are part of the family.
This is why my mil had 4 strays, because people just don't care

Hi I think you should turn the lounge into a 'multi purpose room'. Move your double bed in there against a wall and have a large day time thick throw for it. Line the wall with 80x80 cm square pillows/ nice cushions and you have a luxurious say bed. No need for a scrappy cheap sofabed which will kill your back. Also encourage ech child to hand out / lounge in their own bed/sit. A weekend of moving a few bits and £50 spent in Dunelm and you have a lifestyle !

I have two large dogs and they don't cost 1500 a year between them!