To think what DH does is not saintly?

[Loulou0]

We have a toddler and a newborn. I'm on maternity leave, DH is back at work full time. DH does the night feeds. Roughly at midnight and 3am. Our baby will then wake up around 6ish and I get up with him for the day. Toddler joins us shortly after and DH sleeps until about 8. We get the kids ready together and he leaves for work about 9. DH does his desk job all day, I look after our kids. I make dinner in the evening and DH puts our toddler to bed while I have some time to myself, I normally go for a run or have a bath etc.

This seems fair to me. Others (friends with kids, my DM) think DH is some kind of Saint and that I am 'so lucky!' And that I 'should be grateful'

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

Oh god. Stealth boast. What bullshit.

You have it easy.

Your DH does most of the 'hard work'. (In my opinion)

YABU to think he does his fair share, because (in my opinion) he does more.

If that works for you and you are both happy then that's fine.

Personally that would not work for me, or a lot of other people.

I still don't know why you asked because you are certain YANBU anyway

I have read them, Querty. I'm responding to things you say like agreeing with a comment that the division of work is 'a joke' and that the DH's share sounds like too much.

I don't really follow your point about the stealth boast; it's a bit convoluted.

Lou I'm not directly accusing you of stealth boast. It's just you came on here for an opinion and sapphire is saying you just came on her to tell us how much your husband does. I don't think you did that. If SOMEONE would actually read what I have said previously, I don't have a problem with how you live your life. And I think you have taken criticism on the chin well.

*Because it is, for some people in some situations?

I don't think it's really a fair comparison because mat leave is such a different kind of work than any full-time jobs I've ever done. But for me, absolutely there were days when it was much, much harder to be at home with a newborn than at work. At work I knew what I was doing, I didn't feel like I was failing this tiny new helpless person, and I didn't have to spend every minute of the day with a baby physically attached to me all the time, because she screamed if she wasn't. That was indeed pretty rough compared to my current job!*

Ok fair enough. I can only go on personal experience and for me it's probably not as hard having a newborn as having my my full time job. It certainly depends what your job and is how 'good' your baby is I guess!

Querty, I'm replying to some of your posts, just as I'm replying to other people's posts.

If you genuinely feel I'm bullying you please report my posts (I don't know which ones would qualify, but I await with interest).

Otherwise, please could you refrain. I don't appreciate serious accusations being chucked about like that.

The way proteus had worded the amount of work, it does sound like a hell of a lot to me. But like I say that is my opinion. Well op posted in AIBU to get opinions not to just tell us all about how much her. Husband does around the house. If she had done that I think it would be stealth boast

Querty oh ok sorry I misunderstood the post.

No I won't refrain sapphire, you have antagonised me

Sorry Lou I didn't word it very well. I haven't actually had a problem with anyone on the thread apart from sapphire, she keeps feeling the need to dig me when I feel like you and I have had a fairly reasonable conversation.

Querty, I'll say it again: if you insist on using the word bully about me, please justify it by putting in a report. Or explain why I may not respond to your posts, when I've been responding to other people's too.

I think I get your point about stealth boasting now, by the way: you thought I was saying the OP was stealth boasting? If that's the case, I can't face going back through posts to unpick how that misunderstanding might have come about, but no, I wasn't.

Omg - he doesn't do most of the work! He baths and puts his toddler to bed ( don't most dads do this if they've been at work that day?) Additionally, he does 1 night feed which interrupts an 8 hour stretch of sleep. And that's it. OP does everything else. What is it about the idea of a dad doing a night feed that people here can't get their head around?

Mummy and? So what if DH does more than me? I don't think he does that much more, not if you take into account he's not around every other weekend. Maybe it works out at a 60/40 split overall? It would be impossible to get an exact 50/50 as life's not that simple, but I maintain my point of so what??

No sapphire!!! I wasn't saying you were saying she was stealth boasting! I was saying that if she had purely come online to just tell us how much he does then that would be stealth boasting. I have reported. You can reply to my posts, you just seem to have taken a dislike to me for no reason. You said I will never think the op is right- I never said that. Op and I have had a decent conversation. I have batted around ideas and been reasonable. I have never said I am right. You are jumping to conclusions

lou you asked an AIBU so I answered it....

If you don't want opinions why the hell have you asked?

I directly answered your initial question.

You wanted to know if you are being unreasonable.

I think that you are.

Out of interest (you absolutely don't have to answer this as I appreciate its off topic) why does your DH go away to see his kids? Don't your kids have a relationship with them?

Mummy my job is not harder, I never said it was. Maternity leave is a breeze compared to my job.

So then why dont you step up and do at least one of the night feeds then?

Querty firstly my op was about is my husband a saint but it moved on to the gratitude topic which I think was a semantics issue. I'm honestly happy to listen to others' opinions but I reserve the right to think they are bullshit and say they are too. With regards to dh's kids they are much older do DH does things with them that usually aren't suitable for babies and toddlers so I'm happy to take care of our dcs while he has quality time with his dcs as he only sees them every other weekend. Occasionally we'll all do something together but it's not easy to find a suitable activity that keeps everyone entertained plus it's a pain taking two cars etc.

Lou I agree you don't have to agree. I understand that. I just said u have taken the criticism well. It's fair enough.

So then why dont you step up and do at least one of the night feeds then?

Ffs Brandon read the thread before you post. This is the last time I'm saying this. DH WANTS TO, IS HAPPY TO AND ENJOYS DOING THE BLOODY NIGHTFEEDS. I ASK HIM EVERY NIGHT IF HE WANTS ME TO DO IT AND HE SAYS NO!!!!!!

Sorry that long post was for mummy not query

Sorry

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

I was answering that one.

Are you being unreasonable to not think he's saintly?

No! He's not saintly. He's a parent. That's what they should do. (Not a dig! I know you're willing to do it if he doesn't and that he does it by choice)

mummy: He's not saintly. He's a parent. That's what they should do. (Not a dig! I know you're willing to do it if he doesn't and that he does it by choice)

So therefore, you think I'm nbu then?

Ffs Brandon read the thread before you post. This is the last time I'm saying this. DH WANTS TO, IS HAPPY TO AND ENJOYS DOING THE BLOODY NIGHTFEEDS. I ASK HIM EVERY NIGHT IF HE WANTS ME TO DO IT AND HE SAYS NO!!!!!!

Ok ok, calm down.

So why did you bother going to the effort of starting a thread specifically to discuss how 'unsaintly' he is? Either you think that he should be doing this every night in which case i wouldn't have thought you would ask every night, or you think he is going a little bit beyond the call of duty, in which case why start a thread to talk about how he is nothing special?

As others have said, its not even the division of the work that is the problem here, and if he is as happy as you claim he is then good luck to him.

Its your rather shitty attitude that has annoyed people. However, you don't seem to be in the slightest bit bothered by tjis so well, good luck to you as well I guess.