To think what DH does is not saintly?

[Loulou0]

We have a toddler and a newborn. I'm on maternity leave, DH is back at work full time. DH does the night feeds. Roughly at midnight and 3am. Our baby will then wake up around 6ish and I get up with him for the day. Toddler joins us shortly after and DH sleeps until about 8. We get the kids ready together and he leaves for work about 9. DH does his desk job all day, I look after our kids. I make dinner in the evening and DH puts our toddler to bed while I have some time to myself, I normally go for a run or have a bath etc.

This seems fair to me. Others (friends with kids, my DM) think DH is some kind of Saint and that I am 'so lucky!' And that I 'should be grateful'

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

The op, compared to most people on maternity/paternity leave (mentioned both sexes there you see) does very little.

That list is not exactly what I'd call taxing!

If that's all I did I'd be super happy too, don't get me wrong.

I can't feel sorry for her, just because she does that stuff

Was anyone asked to feel sorry for the OP?

What does it matter if she does little or a lot?

It still stands that, apparently, the dad is happy with how things are, and the OP is too.
None of them are saints, nor freeloaders.

I do wonder why people start threads asking if they are AIBU when it emerges that they have already decided the answer.

'Does that deserve a sad face too?'

No . No it doesn't.

Sapphire I've already said what I think, for ME, the day to day stuff cooking and cleaning and looking after children is INSTEAD OF working a full time job. I don't agree that if you're working full time you should be doing night feeds and cleaning when you're home.

Sapphire I don't know why you feel the need to be mean to me when I've politely disagreed with op while having s sensible discussion. You're just nasty.

I do wonder why people start threads asking if they are AIBU when it emerges that they have already decided the answer.

Well, she isn't unreasonable.

Just because some people say she is, it doesn't mean she is. They are. :)

The OP doesn't think (neither do I) that anyone has come up with sufficiently good arguments to say she is unreasonable. And it's a split vote. That's all.

Mummy my job is not harder, I never said it was. Maternity leave is a breeze compared to my job.

So surely just because people say she isn't... Doesn't mean she isn't either?

I don't agree that if you're working full time you should be doing night feeds and cleaning when you're home.

But you CAN, if you want to. It still doesn't mean you're saintly.

lou I know you didn't I don't even know what your job is!

Others said working full time is a breeze compared to being at home

Lweji I never said you couldn't it's just an opinion.

And I would say it is saintly

Doesn't really matter though, does it Querty? It works for the OP and her DH, despite the many posters trying to make out that he's under the thumb, silently resentful and only doing it all because otherwise she'd make his life unbearable.

And anyway, if she's doing the cooking and the looking after children instead of working outside the home (she doesn't say that he does any cleaning), then what's the problem? He's doing his bit and she's doing hers.

But it does seem that she could spend the rest of her life telling you and some other posters that they are both happy and it works for them, and you'd still insist that she was wrong and you were right.

When any honest person who has had a remotely challenging job will admit that being at home with children has hard times, boring times, but equally, plenty of sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea or sitting in a church hall or your garden with cups of tea and chatting. And plenty of playing with your enchanting children. And afternoon naps.

Yes, exactly this.

I have five, so parenting hasn't been a doddle, especially as I have two SN children. Of course it was hard work and tedious at times but I certainly did have many lazy days, many days where I napped on the sofa or just days where I did hardly anything except the basics like feeding them and keeping them clean and safe.

If I was tired I would spend most of the day in my PJ's, make an easier tea, leave the housework etc. If I'm tired at work I don't get the option of taking it easier or taking a longer break. So like I said, being tired as a SAHM and being tired at work is a very different ball game.

So she just came onto AIBU for a stealth boast sapphire? Very clever.

Others said working full time is a breeze compared to being at home

I certainly prefer it. And pay for a cleaner (either way).

She asked for our opinion and we have given it. That's the point of posting here!

Lweji I obviously agree with your posts here and you're right, I didn't ask anyone to feel sorry for me! Why would they? I know I have it easier than most.

Nasty? I have to disagree. I don't think I have been.

I think accusing the OP of stealth boasting is much more nasty.

And actually sapphire you obviously haven't read my posts, I said good for them if it works. What is your deal?!

You have a cleaner and toddler has some nursery hours, I envy you tbh he sounds like an angel doing most of the work

Sapphire I was suggesting that that is what you were getting at by saying that she's just come on here to say how much her husband does around the house and for the kids when that's not true. She came on here to canvas opinion and she got it.

Others said working full time is a breeze compared to being at home

Because it is, for some people in some situations?

I don't think it's really a fair comparison because mat leave is such a different kind of work than any full-time jobs I've ever done. But for me, absolutely there were days when it was much, much harder to be at home with a newborn than at work. At work I knew what I was doing, I didn't feel like I was failing this tiny new helpless person, and I didn't have to spend every minute of the day with a baby physically attached to me all the time, because she screamed if she wasn't. That was indeed pretty rough compared to my current job!

Anyway sapphire I don't know why you're getting at me when all I've done is given my opinion like everyone else has. You're a bully