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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think what DH does is not saintly?

896 replies

Loulou0 · 31/05/2016 06:24

We have a toddler and a newborn. I'm on maternity leave, DH is back at work full time. DH does the night feeds. Roughly at midnight and 3am. Our baby will then wake up around 6ish and I get up with him for the day. Toddler joins us shortly after and DH sleeps until about 8. We get the kids ready together and he leaves for work about 9. DH does his desk job all day, I look after our kids. I make dinner in the evening and DH puts our toddler to bed while I have some time to myself, I normally go for a run or have a bath etc.

This seems fair to me. Others (friends with kids, my DM) think DH is some kind of Saint and that I am 'so lucky!' And that I 'should be grateful'

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

OP posts:
Lweji · 01/06/2016 13:18

Brandonstarkflakes
People have told you exactly what they think is wrong with your attitude

There have been a few replies that were completely OTT.

Brandonstarkflakes · 01/06/2016 13:18

I wonder if the OPs husband is on a computer right now arguing on an internet chat forum?

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:19

Today 13:15 ProteusRising

mummy I agree with you entirely, but you are not getting through to the OP and nor are any of the other posters making the same points.

Loulou I'm glad that you were able to enlist your husband in your misdirected attempts to use personal insults ("nutter", "lunatic", "loon" - uh huh) against some internet random. I would report your posts if I was bothered, but I think it's better to leave them to speak for themselves.

Sapphire "No, he just does HIS FAIR SHARE. It's the regrettable fact that so many fathers still don't that distorts how people are seeing him."

You think that one partner doing a full-time job outside of the home, two kids' bedtime and bathtime, and all the night feeds (x2, 7 days a week) while someone else is paid to do the cleaning - meanwhile the other partner is on parental leave and sleeps through the night 7 days a week plus has an hour off by themselves every night - is a fair division of labour?

Imagine if that was applied to any workplace. It's a joke.

Proteus I have to agree, written like that it does seem like an awful lot for anyone, man or woman 😕

Original poster
Loulou0 · 01/06/2016 13:19

Querty I don't expect him to be grateful for what I do, no. I organise everything, do the laundry, shopping, cooking, take care of our kids while he's at work and every other weekend when he sees his kids, evenings when he works late or goes out etc. We're a team and we do what needs to be done for our family. We appreciate each other, yes but I don't expect gratitude. As said earlier in the thread I think the interpretation of the word gratitude is interpreted differently by different people. I say thanks if he brings me a cup of tea etc

OP posts:
mummytohpm · 01/06/2016 13:21

No... OP's husband is presumably at work after his broken nights sleep...

While op is clearly not very busy as she seems to have plenty of time to post....

But having two small kids is MUCH harder. Isn't it?

mummytohpm · 01/06/2016 13:22

I'm glad to hear you say thank you lou

I think we do have different views of what being grateful is.

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:23

Sure. Ok. Everyday stuff is what it is then. There's no 'Thank you lovely husband you're so good everything you do for the kids' or 'oh lovely wife I love that you cook me dinner every night' or any of that soppy shite then?

Original poster
Loulou0 · 01/06/2016 13:23

Mummy no I'm not busy. Toddler is at nursery, baby is sleeping and I'm having a pedicure SHOCK HORROR !!!

OP posts:
mummytohpm · 01/06/2016 13:25

I wasn't being sarcy I know you're not busy...

I'm not busy either I'm sat watching loose women with a sleeping baby on me...

Just reiterating that it's not so awful being on maternity leave

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:26

So am I mummy! I've got biscuits too! 😂

mummytohpm · 01/06/2016 13:26

Ok I was being sarcy. But you see my point.

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:28

Mummy you're not actually on the sofa? That is what I'm actually doing Blush

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:29

I'm pregnant with dc2 and ds is 5 months, all I can keep down are Jaffa cakes and crackers

Brandonstarkflakes · 01/06/2016 13:29

Jesus OP, its quite the tough life you have isnt it? Grin

Original poster
Loulou0 · 01/06/2016 13:30

Querty yes I'm on the sofa having my pedi. (Mobile beautician )

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 01/06/2016 13:31

Lweji - loving your work on here.

Loulou0 - you need to understand that you have to be totally grateful for everything your DH does. In triplicate. A man putting himself out of his way to help his wife look after their children requires gratitude immemorial. Men can never ever be expected to go out of their way to make your life easier. And if they do you are forever in their debt and should be suitably reverent and obliging as a result.

The fact that what he is doing is expected and done by women all the time without the gratefulness of men, is of no consequence.

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:31

Sorry Lou I meant mummytohpm, but that's cool. Where's the baby Confused

Original poster
Loulou0 · 01/06/2016 13:32

Brandon yes it's a constant struggle!

OP posts:
53rdAndBird · 01/06/2016 13:33

I'm at work after a broken night's sleep! I expect someone's going to be swinging by with my Superhuman Ability Medal any minute now Grin

Lweji · 01/06/2016 13:36

Me too. Grin

mummytohpm · 01/06/2016 13:37

No I am :) I was being sarcy that OP's job was harder.

I am in fact on the sofa watching loose women with a sleeping baby Smile

Lweji · 01/06/2016 13:38

Toddler is at nursery, baby is sleeping and I'm having a pedicure

You are working on looking nice to your OH. As you should.

Querty12345 · 01/06/2016 13:38

Oh ok good I'm not the only one then!

SapphireStrange · 01/06/2016 13:39

Proteus, it's a fair division of labour IMO, yes. Partly because the OP has the children by herself all day, most days. So what if she 'has an hour off every night'? A whole hour?!?!? The temerity!

And partly because it is what suits the OP and her DH, who enjoys night feeds, is fine with the amount of sleep he gets and has told her that it does not impact on his ability to do his day job. As she's said here about a billion times.

The 'someone else' who pays for the cleaning is the OP herself.

And what the jeff has any of this to do with other workplaces?

Querty, 'Proteus I have to agree, written like that it does seem like an awful lot for anyone, man or woman'.

The OP has also written out what she does: 'I organise everything, do the laundry, shopping, cooking, take care of our kids while he's at work and every other weekend when he sees his kids, evenings when he works late or goes out etc'.

Does that deserve a sad face too?

mummytohpm · 01/06/2016 13:40

*oulou0 - you need to understand that you have to be totally grateful for everything your DH does. In triplicate. A man putting himself out of his way to help his wife look after their children requires gratitude immemorial. Men can never ever be expected to go out of their way to make your life easier. And if they do you are forever in their debt and should be suitably reverent and obliging as a result.

The fact that what he is doing is expected and done by women all the time without the gratefulness of men, is of no consequence.*

scallops you're not getting it... REGARDLESS of the sex of the op or her partner I think anyone who does all the night feeds and a shit lot more deserves to be appreciated. Anyone who does no night feeds should be grateful that their partner does it.

It has got nothing to do with having a fucking penis for fuck sake stop trying to make this about something it's not!