To think what DH does is not saintly?

[Loulou0]

We have a toddler and a newborn. I'm on maternity leave, DH is back at work full time. DH does the night feeds. Roughly at midnight and 3am. Our baby will then wake up around 6ish and I get up with him for the day. Toddler joins us shortly after and DH sleeps until about 8. We get the kids ready together and he leaves for work about 9. DH does his desk job all day, I look after our kids. I make dinner in the evening and DH puts our toddler to bed while I have some time to myself, I normally go for a run or have a bath etc.

This seems fair to me. Others (friends with kids, my DM) think DH is some kind of Saint and that I am 'so lucky!' And that I 'should be grateful'

Aibu to think that he's just doing his share and nothing particularly special??

Cannot get my head around the general opinion on this thread - my experience is that working full time is a piece of piss compared to looking after a baby all day regardless of how many times I've been up in the night.

Two wake ups is nothing especially followed by a lie in until 8.00am. Sounds like they have a great system to me.

Personally if my dp wrote on the internet that he wasn't grateful for me doing the night feeds.. Or in fact grateful for me at all ... I would be entirely fucked off and when he got home from his 'run' or his free one or whatever his bags would be on the doorstep.

*free time

This is going crazy.

Why are people getting so angry! It seems to me they are a team and figured out how to make the situation work for them.

We had a very similar set up. I certainly don't think my DH is a saint but i do think he is a good guy. I cannot understand those women getting angry and saying that she should do more. It's just sounds bitter and judgey.

I pay for the cleaner. Nursery is free.

I showed my DH this thread last night and he thought some of the opinions were laughable.

He is happy doing the night feeds and he knows that if he is too knackered or doesn't want to then to just tell me and I'll take over.

Brandon - my op was nothing to do with being grateful the thread just went in that direction. And I wasnt bitching, just querying others' attitude as I was bemused by it.

Yes mummy I absolutely agree that the attitude is what really stinks.

Imagine - one partner goes to work full time, does all of the night feeds, all of the bath and bedtime routine, and gives the other one an hour off for 'me time' every night, while someone else is paid to do all the cleaning.

The other partner's response, instead of falling all over themselves to express gratitude, is to start a thread specifically to say how not special her partner is for doing all this, and how she is NOT GRATEFUL for it because it's no more than he should be doing.

And it has NOTHING TO DO WITH GENDER.

Everyone who's had kids knows that the constantly broken sleep, the complete lack of time to yourself, and the constant battle to keep on top of the housework are the hardest parts of having a newborn

I'd say that having someone relieve you of ALL of those and then boasting about how ungrateful you are is a pretty foul way to behave, regardless of gender.

Mummyto you would break up your family over that?

Hi proteus I'm still not grateful 🙂

Double standards going on. A man is a saint for working and doing night feeds. Yet millions of women work and do all the night feeds. No-one calls them a saint.
Incidentally op you are very fortunate but no he isn't a saint.

lou Erm.. Yes I would! Why on earth would I want to be In a relationship with someone who takes me for granted and is ungrateful and unappreciative for not only me but what they have got?

I cannot stand it when people are ungrateful and I would certainly not want to live every day thinking I was taken for granted because I deserve better than that. As does everyone.

Of course you're not Loulou. You've established your attitude very clearly; your posts speak for themselves. I was responding to some other posters as you seemed to have left the thread.

Being proud of your own ingratitude and selfishness, and treating your partner like shit, are not the wonderful character traits that you seem, oddly, so proud of. But they are obviously pretty ingrained.

Anyway, I must get back to work and stop pissing about on Mumsnet. I'm one of those poor unfortunate victims of misogyny who takes an equal share in earning the money, looking after my children, and cleaning up after myself, rather than getting everyone else to do it for me.

Nothing winds up a certain section of Mumsnet more than the suggestion that being home with children is not the hardest job in the world! They are so invested in this "it's so much harder than work" narrative.

When any honest person who has had a remotely challenging job will admit that being at home with children has hard times, boring times, but equally, plenty of sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea or sitting in a church hall or your garden with cups of tea and chatting. And plenty of playing with your enchanting children. And afternoon naps.

Sofato I think that the anger is caused by the fact that I have it easy. Yes, I do and so what? There's no rule that says that just because you have young kids that you have to be constantly exhausted and stressed. I know that many parents are and i feel for them but I have a great DH and I can afford a cleaner so I have much less stress and much more energy than some new mums. That's not a boast it's just a fact (based on the replies on here) I think it is this that is pissing people off.

ok proteus well have a lovely, calm day

Bertrand "When any honest person who has had a remotely challenging job will admit that being at home with children has hard times, boring times, but equally, plenty of sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea or sitting in a church hall or your garden with cups of tea and chatting. And plenty of playing with your enchanting children. And afternoon naps."

And starting threads about how much you don't appreciate your partner.

But do you not think your DH has much more stress and less energy as a result of that?

How is that fair?

bertrand

I have to agree. Being at home with a newborn is at the same level if not easier than my job.

Being at home with a newborn on a full nights sleep would be a lot easier than my job.

Doing my job on the amount of sleep I have now just would be incredibly incredibly hard for me.

"Sofato I think that the anger is caused by the fact that I have it easy."

No Loulou plenty of people have it easy. What I think most people are angry about is the fact that you've gone out of your way to complain that your husband is nothing special and to undermine the huge amount of work and effort that he puts in to enable you to sit on your arse 'have it easy'.

What is 'pissing people off' is not that you have a partner who does more than their fair share, and people picking up after you - lots of people are wealthy and/or lucky in having an unselfish partner - but your attitude, which is absolutely revolting.

If you had started a thread 'AIBU to say how much I appreciate having a great partner who does far more than his fair share to enable me to have a really easy life?' then you would have got very different responses.

And showing him this thread really does seem to be rubbing the last bit of salt into the wound. What a nasty thing to do.

Proteus and mummy why is it so hard for you to accept that my DH is happy with the set up? He's not too tired or stressed. He's HAPPY. I check in with him every night "do you want me to do tonight?" He says no.

And proteus you sound like a lunatic.

OP - I think the "anger" is caused by the fact your husband has it hard to make it so easy for you and youre sneering at his efforts.

loulou you should both be grateful to eachother, you have children that both obviously love very much and you are both very lucky to have eachother. As long as it works for the both of you then it's great tbh. I think it's just by a lot of people it is seen that being home means that any 'home' work is for the person at home to do. Which personally I agree with, but like I say your dh is obviously more than willing to be part of it all. I think your only mistake was trying to canvas opinion on AIBU, that was never going to end well

If he's genuinely happy then fine. He's probably also a doormat, but a happy one.

It's not he fact you do nothing that I find so insulting; it's the fact you're ungrateful for your partner.

I feel sorry for him because you are totally and utterly taking the piss out of him. If I was treated like that I would leave. No question.

Proteus he LAUGHED at the thread. There are no wounds to rub salt into. He thought you sounded like a nutter. 'Bitter and downtrodden ' were his exact words if I remember correctly

Newborn baby, easy

School age children easy

3 under 5 (and what is this nap thing of which you speak?) was bloody hard work

But then i had a job that involved a lot of chatting and was pretty much 9-5

Loulou it probably would have been different if you came on line and said 'is our arrangement common?' Rather than 'he's not a saint/ I'm not grateful'. Jus sayin.