Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

I'm assuming there will be other salads and things as well? Or is the menu exactly as you've said? If so, I'd be asking for some additional dishes - vegan salads and side dishes are cheap, easy and truly delicious.

DailyMail need to add a Mumsnet section

We are already producing huge amounts of mono culture crops - to feed livestock. If we used that land in order to produce food for humans, we'd have enough to feed 10 billion people with a complete, nutritious diet.

If the world went vegan we'd need less land for crops.

bbpp exactly - although the argument i think derxa was trying to make was about not having enough manure to fertilise those crops.

Im pretty sure if growing pulses and grains became more lucrative that the farming industry would find a way to maintain the soil quality and fertilise crops which is more sustainable than current farming methods.

I'm afraid I wouldn't be going.

Compost?

Until I saw the menu I thought they were being ridiculous. Then I read it and made an involuntary 'ugh' face. I am not a big meat eater but I would be starving on that. Maybe the guests have experienced a typical vegan menu of your daughter's before and knew what they would be letting themselves in for? That's the only reason I can think of for their refusal to come.

"mini baked tofu 'bites' with a variety of dips to circulate at the beginning

• for the starter, grilled vegetable kebabs with a salad
• for the main, baked vegan "halloumi" with fried potato salad
• for the dessert, chocolate mousse and coffee"

What is fried potato salad?

This menu looks very light. Your guests will be left hungry and you'll have a lot of drunk people on your hands. Can you not at least add some bread with tapenade (olive paste mix) and tortillas with guacamole to starters, for example? At least feed your guests some pasta or rice to fill them up.

although the argument i think derxa was trying to make was about not having enough manure to fertilise those crops

I read somewhere that human excrement - provided it's properly treated to make sure any pathogens are removed - can safely be used as a fertilizer for crops. I don't know how much poo you'd need to produce enough fertilizer, but that might go some way to plugging the gap left by not enough animal manure.

Apparently it's called biosolids MrsJoey, and is definitely a thing (that I didn't know about before!). Kelp is apparently a good fertilizer too, and there's compost but that is limited as to it's effectiveness it seems.

I like the sound of the menu, but I agree that it needs a bit more stodge. I think the way to win over sceptical people is to provide familiar ingredients in a creative way rather than unfamiliar foods.

While I like tofu, let's face it, it does have a rather bad press amongst staunch meat eaters.

I think the way to win over sceptical people is to provide familiar ingredients in a creative way rather than unfamiliar foods.

Agree - or just a really fabulous version of everyday foods people don't think of as vegan. The home made dips could be delicious but I'd probably serve with toasts, crudités, puff pastry twists and some sort of posh crisp as well as the tofu bites. And you can't go wrong with chips IMO.

Nickname
While I like tofu, let's face it, it does have a rather bad press amongst staunch meat eaters.

How likely are staunch meat eaters to have cooked and experimented with tofu? It's pretty neutral and tasteless, and only becomes interesting once you've done things to it. The texture of tofu also varies greatly, depending on what sort of tofu you use and how you prepare it. Impossible to second guess what the baked 'halloumi' dish would be like, without eating it.

fascicle I have a feeling some of the guests refusing to go won't have tried tofu before in any guise...

You made it into this mornings Daily Mail OP!

I'm a meat-eater who frequently eats vegetarian or vegan meals very happily, but I'm afraid that my heart also sank at that menu.

fried potato salad = chips and lettuce?

No the guests are being unreasonable. I'd be sending them a message saying 'Very sorry that you wouldn't be prepared not to eat meat and dairy for the 8 hours to be at DD wedding. We thought seeing her get married would be important to you. Certainly you being there was important to her. But it's her wedding and she has every right to serve whatever food she wants'.

Cheeky bloody bastards.

Fried potato salad is potato salad made in the traditional way using vegan friendly ingredients and fried potatoes instead of boiled.

Although having said that the menu could do with a good insertion of carb. Maybe a pasta and pesto...

It sounds like the daughter hasnt tasted the 'halloumi' dish either, as yo said the caterers said they just told her they could do a vegan version.
I think a vegan caterers could do much better than that menu. Maybe some of the issue is that they are trying to do a traditional wedding menu but replace it with a vegan menu which is unappetising. If she went Asian and had curries or chinese deep fried tofu with oriental vegetables or something it would be delicious and filling rather than doing tofu and more tofu and veg.

Agree it's not a menu to showcase how good vegan food can be and the one part of the menu that the fervent meat eaters could get their head round (i.e. the starter) is the bit that the bride is having second thoughts about.

I'm a vegetarian and hate tofu. I have had it at many places and have never had tofu that I like. I would still go to the wedding but I might hide a sandwich somewhere to eat later (the benefit of having a small child it could put it in the pushchair)

"How likely are staunch meat eaters to have cooked and experimented with tofu?"

Very unlikely, I agree. But I still maintain that this is down to bad press and prejudice.

I think puglife15 has some great ideas. Also mini vegan pizzas/bruscettaa as canapes.

A really tasty vegetable soup with fresh bread rolls as a starter would not be unfamiliar to anyone.

How about some kind of vegetable wellington or puff pastry topped pies with roasted vegetables and potatoes. Or a shallot and chestnut tatin served with familiar sounding vegetables and potatoes roasted with thyme and garlic.

Jamie Oliver does a vegan chocolate, cherry and honeycomb parfait that looks delicious. And this vegan chocolate cake is astonishingly good and doesn't taste at all "worthy"

I agree that the bride should be able to have a vegan menu at her wedding, but as a host to guests who might have travelled a long way the onus is on her to make the menu more appealing to people unfamiliar with her way of eating.

I am quite frustrated that this has been put on the Daily Mail website, but I guess there is nothing I can do about this? Inthehighcastle, do you mean this has also been put in the print edition? Surely they should have to check this with people before selling it on! Is anyone able to post a screenshot of the article in the paper?