Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

I think it is incredibly rude to refuse to come because of the food. I've been to weddings where I knew there was hog roasts but I still went (I'm a vegetarian).

Find this quite hard to believe - I have been to two vegetarian and one vegan wedding and they were real feasts - if anything caterers worked extra hard to prove themselves! It seems really strange that your daughter knows so many people who would be prepared to miss her wedding just on the basis of a meal they might not like/prefer - are you sure there isn't more to this than meets the eye? In mentioning it as a "Vegan wedding" for example (which seems unnecessary) have guests suddenly had a crisis that they will be castigated for wearing, say, leather shoes/ handbags etc. - failing that, they are no friends at all really if they can't put the happy couple's event at higher priority than a free bunfight!

You shouldn't be pissed off at your dd, you should be pissed off at these ungrateful guests.

You were right to state vegan food on the invites, as it seems you possibly already knew the fuss this may cause in the big day itself.

Sod the ungrateful buggers. Tell your dd to stick to her guns and enjoy her day.

frieda909 oh I agree, it's definitely ridiculous to refuse to go to a wedding on the basis of the food - the thread has got too long now to remember what everyone said, but my point was that it's good for the heads up (as I'd expect not to like too much food and therefore have a nice big breakfast) but that it shouldn't affect whether or not anybody should attend

I think her guests are being unbelievably rude. They are supposed to be going to share her special day and celebrate not for the free food. It's her wedding day and she can serve what she wants. I'd tell them to get stuffed!

" A vegan offering doesn't sound too appetizing to a carnivore I guess."

Speak for yourself.

I was a vegan for 24 years and vegetarian for last 9 yrs. If someone is an ethical vegan, they will in the main be unable to justify buying non vegan food. I would not. Vegan food though is not some strange weird offering. Everyone has vegan food now and then. Beans on toast, pasta in tomato sauce, vegetable curries. Indian food, Thai food, etc. I had an outside caterer for my kids 1st and 3rd birthdays (joint birthday) - for the grown ups that is. Used one from Brighton. Everyone was stunned by the food, and guess what. The only vegetarians were my family. All the food was vegan, and it was ruddy amazing. People refusing to come to your daughters wedding are just utterly ridiculous, terribly selfish. But crikey, why on earth did you feel the need to put it on the invites? Like a warning!?

The fact is, if you didn't put the food was vegan on the invites, there wouldn't have been a fuss at all on the day because no-one would have noticed. If you got a half way decent caterer, they'd just enjoyed the lovely food.

Anyone who replies with 'I am not coming because' is an arse and you are better off without them.

You're being unreasonable. Your daughter is quite right to insist that if she finds the eating of dead animals unacceptable, then on her wedding celebration day folk can jolly well go meatless for 1 meal! They clearly don't care as much about your daughter as they do their own appetites. Why should she be expected to have such unpleasant people there to spoil her day? Support her in this, or lose a lot of her respect.

We are all vegans,I haven't read all the comments too many to wade through...I can see myself having the same problem in a few years tbh.but wow,how rude are some people..my dd just had a birthday and wanted to celebrate with family in a vegan restaurant .they refused to come....personally in your situation,which at some point I bet I will be,.i would advise my dd to carry on as normal...accept the replies from people who want to come,and don't give a second thought to those who have refused....under no circumstances would I encourage my dd to change her plans...her day ,exactly how she wants it good luck

Not read the whole thread but it's only bloody food if only people could think of others other than their own bloody stomachs.....

The guests are definitely BU. They should be attending because they want to help celebrate their marriage, not just because they're just hoping to have a good meal. Generally, people are vegan for moral reasons, and so if she doesn't want to budge, then so be it. The guests need to put on their big people undies and suck it up. It's not their wedding.

I'm not sure how this can even be an issue. I'd go pay to go out with friends for a meal even if I thought the menu was toxic. Most people have no idea what they are eating and should probably appreciate fresh food rather than flaccid sausages and greasy chicken. Anyway. Less money for you to spend on catering. Guilt trip them into giving larger wedding gifts.

Should add that my sister once made a lovely family meal. My Gran wanted to try my quorn lasagne even though it was "against her beliefs (or ethics or some such)"

WHHAAATT???! This is the most outrageous AIBU I've ever read.

What sort of person makes a decision to come to a wedding based on the food? What the hell has food got to do it witnessing the union of two people who love each other anyway? Your daughter is absolutely right to stick to her guns, it's her wedding and it shouldn't matter whether she serves, vegan food, meat or crisps and beer.

I'd be totally disgusted if someone in my family refused to come to my wedding because there was no meat on the table.

What disgraceful, bigoted behaviour!

I forgot to say 'selfish'! Bigoted, selfish and totally rude.

As someone with lactose intolerance I'd be champing at the bit to go to a vegan wedding knowing I'd be able to eat everything there without worry! (I'm also not a fan of meat so vegan cafes are my guilty pleasure)

I've been to so many weddings where I've eaten things that have made me ill, it's a hog roast and I've been stuck picking at bread and a bit of wilted salad, or the caterers have misunderstood and triumphantly presented me with a gluten free dish, oozing with butter and/or cream sauce. But I've smiled politely and eaten what I can then later headed for the bathroom and missed the entire speeches.

Anyone who can't suck it up for a family occasion is BVU. Not eating meat isn't going to make them ill (unlike my experiences of wedding food). And I'm sick of the assumption that food isn't proper/tasty/real/filling unless there is meat involved.

Good riddance to them! They're sick of accommodating her needs?! It's her wedding FFS! God forbid they should ever need to make a special request!

I love vegan food! I couldn't give up meat forever, but I can't imagine why people would refuse to attend a wedding because of vegan catering. They're missing out!

How hurt your daughter must be feeling. We invite only our true friends and close family members to our wedding and I cannot believe how selfish and heartless the guests are being. It is her day and frankly I would be pruning my address book heavily if I had this sort of response. I feel so sorry for her. It's obviously a nightmare for you too, but your daughter is the one in the right 100% and you must continue to support her. I do hope that in the end she has a lovely wedding day and can put this hurtful, selfish behaviour by a few behind her

I went to a vegan wedding a number of years ago. Appetiser was a tomato, sliced, drizzled in oil, with pepper on it. Main was a salad - lettuce leaves, baby tomatoes, cucumber, bit more oil for dressing and more pepper. Dessert was fruit salad. It was bloody grim, and yes, I did smile and move the food around my plate (I can't stand raw tomato, cucumber or lettuce!), and went to McDonald's on the way home.

I'd go to a vegan wedding, put on a smile and enjoy the day, but I'd be eating before and after, unless the catering was a hell of a lot better than the one I attended.

Gosh, still going and still no OP. And I see those of us who pointed that out before along with the goady contentious subject have all been deleted.

Really Charlie?

Nope - still in the Virgin category - I'm just too reasonable

The OP did post a few more times near the start of the thread, to be fair. There was one update along the lines of the anti-vegan guests being family members who the bride and OP had a difficult relationship with anyway.

Nothing new for a while though.

I went to a vegan wedding a number of years ago. Appetiser was a tomato, sliced, drizzled in oil, with pepper on it. Main was a salad - lettuce leaves, baby tomatoes, cucumber, bit more oil for dressing and more pepper. Dessert was fruit salad. It was bloody grim, and yes, I did smile and move the food around my plate (I can't stand raw tomato, cucumber or lettuce!), and went to McDonald's on the way home

That was a crap caterer not a representative example of vegan food.

Where were the pulses, nuts, seeds, grains, avocados, starchy vegetables, pasta, breads and that's before we even get onto vegan alternatives to dairy?