Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

Also, the OP might have not decided to come back to the thread (after the first few times when she clarified the numbers of people involved and that they were all on her side of the family and looking for excuses anyway) because she was told almost unanimously and repeatedly that she was being unreasonable to be pissed off at her daughter and instead should be directing her ire at the non-attending-pathetic-excuse-giving guests and/or be grateful that only people who truly want to share her dd's wedding day rather than a free meal will be there.

Maybe she'd wanted ammunition to tell her dd "See, you're the one being unreasonable" and gave up on this thread when she wasn't getting it

This thread is making me want to ditch my ham sandwich that I've brought in for lunch, and go to the Eighth Day instead

MidnightScribbler
I went to a vegan wedding a number of years ago. Appetiser was a tomato, sliced, drizzled in oil, with pepper on it. Main was a salad - lettuce leaves, baby tomatoes, cucumber, bit more oil for dressing and more pepper. Dessert was fruit salad.

So an entirely raw meal, comprised of fruit and vegetables. I'd be amazed if that meal had been produced by a vegan catering company. It sounds like the very worst interpretation of vegan food from caterers who haven't a clue, possibly under tight budgetary constraints.

I have never been offered a menu to choose from at a wedding, and likewise at my wedding we had a set menu, I don't think I even checked if any of my guests were vegetarian or had any allergies!!!!, My only gripe was once we went to an evening only do, the B&G had married abroad, so this was the reception. There was no buffet, and in the end after much deliberation with other guests, as we didn't want to appear rude, ended up buying crisps from the bar, they should be grateful to be fed, I would not be led into an argument over it, just state clearly that the menu is a done deal, and if they decline the invite, consider you have got off lightly, they sound like the sort of people who would cause trouble and spoil the day anyway.

I like annandale's menu.

My dinner party menu is hand rolled sushi rolls for a starter, Thai green curry for a main, and sorbet for pudding. That could be tarted up into a wedding menu.

Or for the hipsters, mini-quiches, BBQ pulled jackfruit with red cabbage coleslaw, and gin and tonic sorbet.

Or for the traditionalists, toast and mushroom pate starter, really posh nut roast with roast potatoes, parsnips, and green veg, followed by one of those sorbet palate cleanser things, followed by dark chocolate mousse with strawberries.

Nut roast beats rubber chicken any day, quite apart from anything else it copes better with being under hot lamps before making it to the table.

this is typical of veggies/vegans - everyone has to conform with their eating habits. If the bride to be had come to my wedding she would have expected that a vegan alternative be provided for her - and as a polite host she would have had one provided. When I watch Come Dine with Me the hosts bend over backwards to provide a vegan/veggie meal but when go to veggie's house no meat option is ever offered. Bride is being incredibly selfish.

thecitydoc It's narrow minded responses like yours that make no sense. It has been pointed out umpteen times before on this thread why vegetarians/vegans would not provide meat. It isn't the same because carnivores can eat everything whereas a veggie/vegan can't

Please get back under your bridge.

thecitydoc. Your comment would only be reasonable if people were carnivores, ie can only eat meat a bit like cats or crocodiles, but seeing as that we are omnivores, so can eat both plants and animals, a meal that is suitable for vegans is also suitable for everyone else.

It is not compulsory, desirable or healthy to eat meat at every meal so no-one should feel obliged to provide it if they don't want to for whatever reason.

Cats don't only eat meat. They wouldn't go to a vegan wedding, though

If their only reason for going to the wedding is for the grub then you are better off without them!

Doh! I meant to say omnivores, not carnivores.

There is still such a lot of prejudice and ignorance on this thread.

Citydoc you're rather late to stir. Like has been said , get back under your bridge.

I guess I am a more considerate host that your average veggie/vegan

What, those awful vegetarian's and vegans who are giving you a free meal you can eat?

Better than being an inconsiderate guest who demands a vegan serve meat.

*vegetarians

autocorrect

"I guess I am a more considerate host that your average veggie/vegan"

Try being a considerate guest then and get over your ridiculous prejudices.

I just need to know what the hell is BBQ pulled jackfruit!? It sounds errmmmm rather odd for a main course but I'm prepared to be educated!

Quite honestly if it was a member of the family I cared about i'd go dressed as a storm trooper if that made them happy on their special day, no doubt the thread has mmoved on but your poor daughter is perfectly entitled to her vegan wedding and better off without these whingers.

Unless your relatives are obligate carnivores (can only derive nutrition from meat, which the aren't, then they are simple wankers.

She has but meat from the menu, I would suggest there are a few more 200lbs hunks of protein she could do with cutting out of her life.

DOI Love a good steak but love my friends and family more.

Roussette I had it once at some self-conscious hipster pop-up twatburgervan. It's AMAZING. And I want to try making it myself but haven't quite worked up the nerve!

Article in the guardian about it: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2015/apr/12/green-jackfruit-vegetable-pulled-pork

And the recipes I keep thinking about doing

www.homesweetjones.com/vegan-bbq-pulled-pork-style-shredded-jackfruit/

veganheaven.org/recipe/jackfruit-pulled-pork-sandwiches/

I think your DD is BU and so are the guests.
The guests should be able to accept a Vegan meal for one day in their lives, because the wedding is not about having a free nosh up...but as a host your daughter should consider her guests as she would expect them to consider her tastes if she went to them for a celebration or meal.
I am sure if your DD was invited to dinner but was told she would have to eat meat, she would decline the invitation.

Sounds like a lot of stubborn, selfish people all round.

AGAIN

There is a huge difference between providing a meal someone can eat and one they can't. I expect the bride knows good vegan food and a really delicious and varied vegan menu is planned - these relatives might even have really enjoyed it, (presuming they don't eat only meat - I'm pretty sure you wouldn't last long that way...). A vegan should not be criticised for not wanting to fund the meat industry.

Let her have just one event where she doesn't have to look at something that revolts her. The world is full of images and smells of meat, it's constant - let her have her wedding day be free of that.

Again I go back to my dog question - if your guests ate dog, would you happily roast one for them? If not, would that be "selfish and stubborn" of you?

Thinking about the meals where I unknowingly ate Vegan fare: pasta (cheaper, non-egg penne) with (home made) tomato sauce, fresh tomato and basil salad, coleslaw made with (as it happens vegan) mayonnaise..... I genuinely can't see how anyone could complain about going hungry .

But there again, as some people on this thread have stated, the need to eat meat is more important than sharing in a family event

Laura, I've been meaning to try making it too, thanks for the links! Your meal suggestions sound lovely btw.