Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

Great! Much less to cater for! You'll be quids in.

Fuck those awful, ungrateful people who put food over blessing your daughter on her day. Who needs people like that?

We had a vege /vegan wedding and none cared a bit- it's only one/two meals of their entire lives, they need to get over themselves!

Went to a wedding a couple of years ago where the buffet was 'mainly' vegan. The happy couple decided to include some non-vegan things but just in a simple format at the end of the buffet table so die-hard cheese/meat lovers could have a bit of cheese from a simple cheese board or a slice of ham from a plate of cold meats. Might be one solution?

YANBU in the slightest. If vegans or vegetarian types were attending my wedding I would make sure they had a meal option. It's good manners to cater for your guests. She's being very selfish.

Guests are being totally unreasonable. Wtaf? You go to a wedding to celebrate with bride and groom, not to eat meat.

If I was your DD I would just think fuck 'em.

Nb - I am not vegetarian or vegan or have any dietary requirements. So not saying this because I would have a vegan wedding myself .

Hmmmm just reread my post, and it reads like I don't require food! I require lots of food!

I would love to go to a Vegan wedding, seeing everyone with their pointy ears and making that Nanu nanu shazbatt hand gesture what could be more fun than that??

blindsider

"It's good manners to cater for your guests."

Including having the responsibility of the unnatural lives and deaths of the animals her guests would like to eat on her and having to pay for it and to sit surrounded by their corpses on her wedding day?

Really?

I'm not vegan, but it wouldn't upset me to eat vegan food, catering to dietary requirements doesn't include having to serve meat against your principles just because people quite like eating animals, food without animal products in it won't make them ill, it won't cause them an ethical dilemma, so it's suitable for them to eat.

Liking to eat something isn't the reverse of feeling that it's wrong to eat something.

Oh my goodness! What ungrateful guests! Do they even understand what the word 'vegan' means? Are they assuming they'll get one lettuce leaf and a glass of tepid water each?

I would consider yourself and your daughter lucky to know in advance who your real friends and family are. They'll be the ones who come to wedding and support you, not whinge about the food!

YANBU at all and neither is your daughter.

Hate it when OP doesn't come back!

catering to dietary requirements doesn't include having to serve meat against your principles just because people quite like eating animals, food without animal products in it won't make them ill, it won't cause them an ethical dilemma, so it's suitable for them to eat.

This.

But it's been said about 500 times on this thread, and yet posters persist in bringing out the argument again, in different words, as if that'll make it make more sense.

Including having the responsibility of the unnatural lives and deaths of the animals her guests would like to eat on her and having to pay for it and to sit surrounded by their corpses on her wedding day?

Why not serve well hung rare roast beef and then it can be called "rotting corpses". Why does anyone have to use such emotive language, it doesn't endear veganism to those that aren't.

I'm not vegan Roussette, but it's not exactly hard to understand that to people who are for ethical reasons that's exactly what it is.

I find it quite weird how some people are about meat TBH.

I have a friend who has called vegetarianism fussy eating and pretty much only cooks meat and two veg, but was horrified to come to my house when my dog had a cow's foot because it suddenly looked like an animal to her.

It's just a different part of dead cow to what she has for dinner most nights.

It is a corpse, calling it something else doesn't really change that.

I love meat and someone calling it a "corpse" doesn't put me off in the slightest, I just think it widens the gap between vegetarianism/vegan and meat eaters and doesn't really help. FWIW I love vegetarian food too.

I'm a little bit suspicious that you thought this might be a problem which is why you put it on the invitations. I would certainly not refuse to come because of menu and anyone that has is being ridiculous. There is obviously some other underlying issue

I agree, Roussette, emotive language like 'dead things' and 'corpses' doesn't exactly help understanding or mutual respect between meat-eaters and others.

I think it's bloody rude for the guests to do that! It's her wedding, her day, and she wanted to share it with them. If they can't see how special being invited to someone's wedding is, then fuck'em. Hope she has a lovely day irrespective X

I don't think op will be returning but it does pose the dilemma about drinks. If the wedding is at a venue with a bar how will she ensure guest will only be served vegan products? Can't see them being too happy about having to make their non vegan drinks off-limits to guests...and if they don't, surelythis reeks of double standards on the brides part?
I guess it's not an issue if the drink is provided by outside caterers who have their instructions. I've given this thread far too much thought

The meal probably wouldn't be considered palatable to everyone even if there was a meat option.

Take me, for instance. I eat meat. But I don't like poultry (except duck), hog roasts, shellfish, or meat coming pre-drenched in gravy. I wouldn't complain about getting any of those at a wedding, and I would have a go at eating it, but I wouldn't consider it palatable and I wouldn't be thrilled at being served it. I know other meat eaters who dislike particular meats, e.g. I know one person who doesn't like lamb, another who doesn't like pork, another who doesn't like turkey, another who doesn't like fish unless it's battered cod, another who doesn't like red meat, and so on..... no religious or moral beliefs affecting meat choices that I'm aware of for any of those people, just personal preferences.

Anyway, you're never going to make everyone happy with the wedding menu, whether it includes meat or not.
So unless there's a specific medical or moral reason why someone has to have meat or other animal products with every meal (and I'm really struggling to think of one that wouldn't just be personal preference), I don't see why the bride should go against her strongly held moral principles and give up the decision to only serve vegan food. It's not like you accept a wedding invitation for the food.

I am not vegan but had mainly vegan food at our wedding because we chose a vegetarian caterer and my son and I can't eat dairy. We also had a few vegans attending and I wanted them to feel well catered for...and not be fed some poor version of what everyone else was eating, which is what they normally get!
I didn't tell anyone because I didn't think they needed to know so that's where you went wrong (actually I take that back I did tell the vegans and vegetarians so they knew they could eat everything with gay abandon!).
I also knew that certain people may moan, and frankly I didn't think that type of bad behaviour should be entertained!
Everyone came, no-one noticed there wasn't any meat, the food was amazing and everyone loved it (even the die-hard meat-eaters)!!
I think it's incredibly rude for people to decline an invite just because the decide they are not going to like what is being served and they obviously aren't that fussed at sharing your daughter's big day if that's their view. In which case, your daughter can save herself the massive expense of catering for them! Definitely DON'T change the menu....it would just enforce the view that the guest's rudeness is somehow acceptable.

No one will die if they have to have a meal without meat ffs. She is catering for her guests. Catering a vegan meal. Shouldn't have told them though. People amaze me.

MrsMushrooms, I do get what you're saying, and I'm not that keen on the typical fare found at vegan restaurants either. That wasn't really my point, though. There are people here (not directed at you or anyone else in particular) who seem to be suggesting that by opting for vegan catering, the bride is going to be forcing her guests to eat all sorts of weird stuff that they'll hate. In reality I guess it won't even be that difficult from your typical wedding menu.

I do think that there are people out there who simply don't understand what vegan food is, and think that it's all got to come from special shops or contain weird ingredients. I've cooked things like veggie curries for people who've then asked 'but how did you make it vegan?' as if the answer was something far more complicated than simply '...not put milk in it'. My friend sells vegan-friendly dark chocolate at markets and she's had to stop putting the word 'vegan' on her sign because of the number of people who'll see it and go 'vegan, eww!. Even though almost all dark chocolate is vegan as standard anyway.

The point, anyway, is that it's ridiculous to refuse to go to a wedding because there might not be anything on the menu you fancy. You said you'd probably find something on the menu at a vegan restaurant that you would eat but not especially enjoy - to be honest, that's how I've felt about the food at most weddings I've been to anyway!

In fairness - I would usually just call meat meat, but I was using emotive language on purpose to labour the point that actually serving meat isn't just a case of catering to your guests, for someone who's bothered by the whole idea of animals being food it is emotive.

I didn't really have you in mind, tabulah! More of a general comment about some of the language about eating dead things, murder etc.