Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

The guests ABU. It's not like they are going to be served a carrot and a piece of lettuce!
There are plenty of lovely vegan meals. I can't understand why it was stared on the invites though

I would assume said guests didn't want to come anyway, and have jumped on the vegan thing as their excuse.

Outrageous behavior on the part of the guests!

I would not have put the vegan food info on the invitationreally not necessary at all. But since it's been done oh well. I think your daughter should stick to her guns about this. When I got married I was a vegetarian 9now vegan) and we had a vegetarian wedding--some family members complained. I told them it was just one meal and if they were going to implode for not having one meal with meat they could eat meat on their own time. No one didn't come because it was vegetarian and there was so much food no one missed the meat. If people don't want to come that's ok more for those who understand that the wedding is about sharing in your daughter's happiness and not about what they are going to eat.

What awful, ungrateful guests! It's your daughter's wedding and she should have it any way she wants! It's one day! I'll bet every single guest has eaten vegan meals without even knowing it: pasta and sauce, beans on toast, vegetable curry etc etc...They are being extremely unreasonable refusing to attend. Tell your daughter to continue with her wedding, her way, and support her for being the amazing compassionate person she is 😃 If anything, this will teach her who her true friends are!

That's dreadful your daughter should have the day she wants and if that includes making only vegan food then that's her choice it's her wedding.
I think the guests should realise that they only have to eat one vegan meal and they may well have their eyes opened and enjoy it if they don't I'm sure they can get burger on the way home I feel sorry for your poor girl I hope you both have a nice day in the end

Rude guests definitely - its your daughter's wedding and she can have the wedding she wants. I wouldn't find the kind of food being served as an issue myself. Is the meal the most important part of the wedding? Not really Hope it doesn't spoil the wedding though

Any menu yet?

We could make menus up. Here's mine:

Starter: Gently spiced lentil soup with sourdough croutons, chives and parsley

Main: Vegetable curry with rice, naan bread and cauliflower bhaji

Pudding: Fresh fruit salad with raspberry coulis and pomegranate garnish.

No menus. Op disappeared yonks ago. Liney when can I come over to sample the menu?

Whilst some of that menu sounds absolutely delicious to me Liney, it doesn't sound very wedding-y and I think elderly rellies would struggle with curry as a main course. I've nothing against veggie food, vegan I don't know much about but I eat anything and spiced lentil soup does not do it for me. Of course, I'd eat it because I love my food but I think a wedding meal has to be inclusive and that is not. "Two curry courses and a fruit salad, pfft" is what my dear old Auntie would be saying!

I eat anything as I said but I do think those who are vegan have to understand that to us mere mortals meat and dairy eaters, some of the food is just not appetising. Personally that doesn't mean I wouldn't eat it. But to some, that is exactly what it would mean. For instance... falafel. DC1 took me to the best middle eastern caff that do falafel in London (her opinion). Of course I ate it, it was in a flat bread with every type of sauce, salad and other ingredients in. It was huge. I felt like I'd eaten a house brick. Not my thing at all. So what I'm trying to say is... I think a person should try and cater for all broad bands of eating habits at a wedding and at minimum do vegetarian food as well as vegan at this one.

That looks great Liney. Falafels, breads and salads would also be a good one, or tapas style sharing plates (patatas bravas, garlic mushrooms, spiced chickpeas and spinach, tomato or garlic bread and vegan paella for example). There's a great Nigella recipe for a vegan chocolate cake, with fruit for dessert.

There's loads of things that could be made and any half decent caterers would be able to come up with something delicious that most people will enjoy and not even notice the lack of meat/dairy.

And they could offer chip butties for anyone who won't eat vegetables, or can't cope with normal nice food that doesn't happen to contain any animal products.

Depends on the time of year but I would do

Asparagus spears with dipping oil and a basket of breads on the table including foccaccia, walnut bread, white, wholemeal

Pappardelle with panfried wild mushrooms in red wine sauce, grated carrot salad with pinenuts, braised little gems with stock and peas, baby broad beans

Sorbets - elderflower, gooseberry, mango, lemon, with vegan biscuits
Strawberries dipped in sugar with mint leaves
Chocolate or lemon wedding cake

What a brilliant idea, i wish I'd done this at my wedding, it is a great way of filtering out the twats.

"However, why is your daughter so adamant that no guests can eat meat at her wedding?"

I picked yours because it was closest to the end, but there were a few where people seem not to understand why the bride wouldn't just have meat there.

Most vegans are vegan because they think it's unethical to farm, kill and eat animals, it's not because they just prefer not to eat things, it's because they think it's morally wrong.

Why then would they want meat at their wedding? It's like expecting a pet lover to be ok with having dog, cat and Guinea pig meat served - it's an industry they've made a great effort to avoid supporting, so they're hardly likely to want to support it by having it at their wedding.

I don't see why that's particularly hard to understand, even if you don't agree with them, it's pretty obvious why they'd want it to be vegan.

Rousette I can imagine the naysayers, in the style of Blanche from Corrie, doing a cats-bum and muttering 'two curries and a plate of pips!'

I like Barbara's idea of posh chip butties and annandale's menu is very classy.

Also I've never tried vegan pasta but I assume it exists?

Peppers stuffed with vegetable rice and mushrooms is a pleasant starter. We have that a lot anyway.

Liney Pretty much all dried pasta is vegan. It's just flour, salt and water.

Fresh pasta often contains egg, but it might be possible to find it without, or you would just used dried.

They could also offer posh beans on toast with naice sourdough bread and home made fancy baked beans which the fussy childish ones probably would complain about because it's not the same as the Heinz and Warburtons version.

Really? they. Sound awful, I went to a vegan wedding recently, it was lush :)

Just to look at it from the guests point of view (and I am a wedding photographer):

Many Brides and grooms ask guests what type of food they would prefer from a set menu. Some venues only offer 1 option chosen by the couple and a veggie option as well. They don't offer a mixed menu as it's too difficult to serve it to 60+ guests at the same time.

Add to that the guests are there for a long day. They will be drinking, they need a what they see as a decent meal. You've also not mentioned what the evening meal is? Is that vegan as well?

Yes, it's the bride's day but that shouldn't be an excuse to force your beliefs on to others. If you were invited to someone's 60th birthday and the invite said "Religious person on each table forcing their religion on you" would you want to go? I'd say screw it and stay at home.

It's not about "forcing beliefs onto others"! It's someone choosing to serve their favourite foods at an event! No-one is saying there will be a presentation about why eating meat is wrong, so the religious person argument doesn't hold.

I have to very carefully navigate buffets and other events, and it is tiring. I've had meals out with friends and an ex to their "favourite restaurants" where I've ended up with a cheese sandwich for dinner time after time after time (and I smiled and never said a word). I plan to have a vegetarian buffet for my next event because it will feel so good to be able to eat anything on offer without pointing at every single dish and asking if it is okay for me. There will be a huge variety of foods and I doubt anyone will even notice as they tuck into samosas, sandwiches, quiche, spring rolls, dips, fruit, crolines, veggie wontons...

If you were invited to someone's 60th birthday and the invite said "Religious person on each table forcing their religion on you" would you want to go? I'd say screw it and stay at home.

Not really comparable. Someone sitting talking at you is hard to avoid unless you tell them to shut up or get up and move, both quite conspicuously rude.

Faced with a vegan meal, I think most people (except some of the big babies on this thread or their families who simply couldn't bear to touch a meal without animal products in it ) could just, you know, eat it. Or eat some of it. Or, if that was really too hard for them, pick politely and then nip out for their emergency McDonalds or whatever.

And frankly, I think it'd be better all round if the appallingly rude relatives in this scenario DID just say screw it and stay at home. More space/time/food for the people who care more about the bride and groom than about the precise nature of the food laid on.

I had a vegetarian curry wedding which was in fact vegan apart from the cream with the fresh fruit salad dessert... I don't think we mentioned it on the invitations, but most people knew we were veggie, for ethical reasons, so would not have expected meat to be served. It was so delicious nobody had any complaints and everyone ate a hearty meal. If people are not coming because of the food, they probably don't really want to be there... How can you base your attendance at a wedding on that? I didn't fancy the veggie option much at my brother's wedding, but went anyway!

"It's someone choosing to serve their favourite foods at an event!"

Rather, it's someone choosing to serve ONLY their favorite food, screw those who won't find it palatable.

What do you mean by ONLY their favorite food? It is plural – foods; there will be, I think we can assume, more than one item to eat.

And why do so many people seem to assume that something that happens to be vegan will not be 'palatable'?

Lots of people on here need to grow up.

"Rather, it's someone choosing to serve ONLY their favorite food, screw those who won't find it palatable."

So if you get invited to an event and the choice is chicken or fish, do you assume the hosts are saying "screw you" to those who prefer pork?!

There is nothing inherently unpalatable about vegan food, what a sweeping statement.