Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

"Many of the guests refusing to come for the same reason makes me think they all know what OP's DD calls 'food' and just don't want to be subjected to it"

On the other hand I would assume that these people have very little imagination when it comes to food and clearly don't know anything about vegan cuisine.

Or you can assume that they know what OP's DD's understanding of vegan cuisine.

Some vegans have rich and varied diets, and eating with them is a pleasure. Some others subsist on carrot sticks and nuts. If numerous invitees are refusing to come to a dinner she has organised, I would guess that OP's DD falls in the latter category.

I just can't imagine sat at the reception and reaching into my handbag for my Boots Meal deal (sandwich+crisps+drink). Surely you can eat that in the car before you go into the reception if you're that desperate, it is so rude to unpack and eat your own food at a wedding do.

Apart from those with health issues, can people really not survive with just a light meal or a vegan meal. Having said that, I honestly think the bride should give a nod to others with vegan and vegetarian food.

Many of the guests refusing to come for the same reason makes me think they all know what OP's DD calls 'food' and just don't want to be subjected to it

Perhaps it's (more distant?) members of the family, passing on their food prejudices.

The OP came back to say that these are indeed more distant members of the family with whom there are already issues.

Better to have people who want to be there than people who are just interested in a free meal and who are dismissive of the bride's ethical beliefs (and I say that as a happy omnivore )

A wedding is about the bride and groom. As others have said, go to MacD's, sling a steak in your handbag, whatever. OP, support your daughter, tell the people who are clearly more interested in food than celebrating their nuptials to do one and have a fab day. I wouldn't want to buy dinner for people who didn't want to eat it!

I went to a wedding where the meal was roast beef, "can't go wrong, the epitome of British food" I hear you cry. Nope, I later found out from the bride that people moaned their beef was too rare or too well done, she was gutted! Not my table however...the moment the girl opposite me looked at her plate funny (was a 10+ years ago and I was sat on the singles table, ) I offered to swap, my beef was a bit cooked, hers a bit rare, easy, swap done, others swapped too, great ice breaker and we all had a lush meal.

Moral of the story, you'll never please everyone, do what your DD wants and celebrate with the people who are there. I'm also interested in the menu (sorry if it's been posted, the app seems to have not updated the last few hours of comments).

I sadly do know a few people who would behave like this. When I was growing up my grandfather would eat pretty much nothing except steak and chips, egg and chips, sausage and chips... you get the idea. Any time he and my grandma came to stay, they would bring their mini deep-fat fryer with them. No matter what lovely meal my mum was preparing for everyone else, my granny would be frying up some chips for him.

I can absolutely believe that he would be the sort to refuse to go to a vegan wedding. He'd be horrified at the very idea. Fortunately I have had no contact with him for about 10 years (for other reasons, obviously, not because of the chips) so I won't have to worry about that at my own wedding!

Any time he and my grandma came to stay, they would bring their mini deep-fat fryer with them. No matter what lovely meal my mum was preparing for everyone else, my granny would be frying up some chips for him.

Christ, why did your mother tolerate this?

Sadly that's just the tip of the iceberg. Let's just say I'm glad we don't have to see him any more!

The uninvited guests

Agree with previous posters, vegan not to everyone's taste but it's your daughter's day so surely her choice of food. Your guests are being a bit unreasonable.
This is a great chance for you guys to trim down on some rude guests and enjoy a lovely day with those that genuinely care for your daughter and her choices.
Bloody hell, it's one day out of their lives, strap on and try something new!!!

She should go ahead with the wedding with people that attend because they want to enjoy the occasion not because of what they will eat.You did right putting it on the invitations, now you know who your real friends are.Hope you have a lovely day.

I have to say when I got married I wanted my guests to enjoy it as much as we did. At the end of the day many had travelled a long way, spent money on accommodation and presents and it was a long day so I would want them well fed. We had veggie and meat and asked about any other special requirements. I wouldn't not attend a wedding because of the food but I would rather know so we can pick something else up between ceremony and meal if it's unusual. My husband is really not a veg lover (understatement) and wouldn't eat a vegan meal. We are going to an afternoon tea wedding next year - right up my street but not hubbies so we will ensure he can get something else during the day. Don't want hungry guests and alcohol !

YABabitU to be pissed off - her wedding, her choice of food. I get that most vegans are vegans out of principle, here is the one chance in their lives really to offer hospitality that doesn't run counter to their principles.

I went to a wedding a couplof years ago with a vegan buffet, and the invitations did warn us in advance, I can't say it was delicious (I couldn't tell what most of it even was), but it was utterly inoffensive. I was just very happy to be there to see my friend get married.

I think the people refusing to go are being very unreasonable, they can't think very much of your daughter if they're not prepared to "suffer" vegan food for just one day! b So I woudl be thinking "Good I've saved a bit of money on them". How long to the wedding - can she invite other people instead?

Guests are being unreasonable its only a meal. Personally the best wedding food I've ever had was an afternoon tea which was very filling. Then there was a fish n chip van in the evening if people wanted food.

www.nytimes.com/2016/06/01/world/europe/patrons-of-vegan-cafe-are-pelted-with-meat-in-tbilisi-georgia.html?ref=world&_r=2

Apologies if not the only one to post this!

Er, not suggesting that I support this, I'd happily go to a vegan wedding.

Are they coming just for the food? Or because they want to be part of a very special wedding ceremony of a family member? If the type of food is such an issue to them, I wouldn't even want them there either. Weddings are so much more ( or at least should be) than just free grub/ booze/party for those who attend. If I were your daughter I would go ahead and have an amazing day with those who really matter .

It's an odd thing to force the guests to buy in to her choice to be vegan, that being said, who goes to the wedding for the meal? Surely you go to support and celebrate with your friend/family member. If it were me reading that on the invite, I'd think it was pretty strange but it wouldn't stop me going to the wedding!

yanbu with the guests. that said, my dd is going to her cousin's wedding this autumn and every single menu item contains mushrooms. DD abhors them & asked if she could have the children's option instead (as she's a teenager). Unfortunately not possible, cousin has said to just pick which meat & state 'no 'shrooms'. If a teenager can cope and adjust, so can adults!

I think the guests are being unreasonable! They are still getting fed for free and a wedding is not all about the food anyway. If they care about your daughter at all then they wouldn't care what the food is!! So rude to refuse on just food grounds. Maybe her wedding is better off without such petty people attending. Sod em!

I choose not to eat, just because I don't like the texture. That is all. I now eat fish & eggs. Most people I know have something that they don't like. As the "Happy Couple" have chosen to invite family/friends IF those said family/friends can't manage less than 1 day without meat then they should NOT go. How incredibly rude, when invited to a Wedding, that the guests throw a frigging wobbly over the menu !!!! If they were genuinely 'family/friends' they would go to support the Bride & Groom. If not, they have showed hoe shallow & selfish they really are . Have a totally fabulous day without the 'shallow/selfish/only here for a meal brigade' 😄😄😄

This is a tough one in my opinion.
Im a meat eater but would have no problem in going without meat for something special like a friends/family members wedding.
So for that part i believe the guests are being very unfair.

However, why is your daughter so adamant that no guests can eat meat at her wedding? Particularly if it is being a nightmare sorting out vegan catering?

6 of one and half a dozen of the other i think.

I think the guests that are refusing to attend based on a mea are utterly ignorant. I'm sure many of them have eaten pasta with tomato sauce before. Oh shocker, it was vegan.

I have the UTMOST respect for your daughter and why would you have felt the need to "warn" everyone the food was vegan? Shame on you for creating this debacle in the first place.

I'm shocked that so many people have declined based on the menu!! I used to hate lamb and was invited to a wedding with lamb on the menu but I wouldn't have even thought of not going because it wasn't my taste!! They should have had a big breakfast and picked up a McDonald's during the breakbetween wedding / reception or on the way home!!!. The guests are being very selfish and thoughtless and sorry to say but I think yabu not to support her in her wedding day choices, especially as in the beginning you didn't have a problem x