Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

She isn't a vegetarian if she eats fish.

Fair point. She is in my house, though. She can't eat meat, and I don't eat fish.

Sorry I almost derailed the thread by mentioning our no booze wedding

I confess that I was gasping for a drink as much as the next person, but our venue wasn't licensed, and it was very important to us to have it there, so we reluctantly compromised.

Given that 2/3 of adults in this country are overweight or obese, I think that we could all happily skip a meal if the veganity of it is unappealing.

Argy. I genuinely couldn't. I'd collapse in a heap in the middle of the floor unable to move/talk. I've got chronic fatigue syndrome (ME). I don't think diabetics could either. I think these people are spectacularly rude for declining. I also may struggle not to eat meat if it was for 2 meals. Salty ham gives me energy - I only learnt that when I didn't eat meat and one day was at the point of collapse with nothing else available. I eat regular small meals and regrettably went against my principles now eating meat 3/4 times a day. I know that's a minority of people though.

You do need to make sure it's vegetarian wine, though. Something to do with the fining (I don't drink. I don't need to think about the details. ).

I only know one vegan ( I think) and she doesn't make a fuss about anything.

As a strict vegan of many many years ,I refuse to get into a row with anyone but to those who say they've met vegans that are nobs. So have I . You'll also have met non vegans that are nobs. I have. Plenty.

I don't know any vegans. i feel deprived.

People kicking off just because they can't eat meat are selfish and petty. There is nothing wrong with vegan food.

Your relatives sound awful Op; they sound like the type of folk who go on holiday to foreign countries and then moan because they can't have sausage egg and chips. Tossers

Blimey OP - I am a total carnivore but no way would I refuse your invitation on these grounds. What knobheads!
I also think you were totally right to state Vegan on the invites - the last thing you'd need on the day is a bunch of whingeing guests.

Tell your daughter that she's better off without these people there and to spend the extra money on more champagne for the guests that DO have manners. Fuck 'em.

Just as well the militant meat eaters aren't coming. They'd probably eat the bride and groom.

I don't know any vegans. i feel deprived.

Me either

I have one on FB who I don't know IRL but she never posts any "don't eat me I'm your friend" posts.

I wouldn't have put the 'vegan' status on the invite. No one would have cared once they were presented with a lovel bowl of tasty food.

Floggingmolly

I don't know, obviously; I just wondered how it worked? Does your DH have to eat his McDonalds in the car?

My DH has no interest in McDonalds or in eating in the car. He might buy a sandwich with meat in it while out or order a meal with meat in it at a restaurant. Otherwise we cook a large variety of vegetarian meals at home, we rarely think about it much TBH. In fact he does most of the cooking and food shopping.

i'm not a veggie, but i have eaten here www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g186273-d781974-Reviews-Terre_a_Terre-Brighton_East_Sussex_England.html and it was amazing! so if you can eat food, you can eat vegetarian/vegan food

I can't believe any one would not go to a wedding because it's doing vegan food, how rude of people. A lot of vegan food is delicious what's wrong with trying stuff they wouldn't normally

I do eat meat admittedly only once a week as I prefer veg meals the rest of the time. I would never turn down a wedding because it was serving only meat or only vegan.

Well, I've no idea why you felt the need to warn people in the invitation but it's the guests who ABU. And unspeakably rude.
But at least you know they're twats and can enjoy the wedding without them. In fact, up the catering budget for a smaller crowd and make the food properly amazing - it'll get back to them...

Why has the menu not been posted yet? -missing point and being selfish-

I'd not refuse to go to a wedding that was Vegan only, but I have vegan friends who wouldn't mind creating a vegetarian menu (one has even cooked meat for us!).

On the flip side I do know people who'd refuse to go to the reception based on a vegan menu. They imagine a nightmare scenario where after an hour in church they'd head to a reception where they are hungry most of the time because the vegan diet is unappealing to them. Yes it's sort of narrow minded of them, but it's time they'd rather not waste being miserable elsewhere. I think now that this OPs daughter knows how people feel, she should just get the re-adjusted head count and revise her day so she will enjoy her day and guests won't be complaining about the food/hunger the whole night.

The argument has come up as an aside, that vegans/vegetarians are on a moral high ground. While I recognise that others believe this, even that meat eater in the video, I just don't agree. I have zero ethical issues with the principle of humans eating meat. I see humans as animals and I see no wrong in animals eating other animals for food. I also think that humanity would not be able to sustain itself entirely on a plant based diet and there are certain parts of the world that humans inhabit that it is simply not possible for humans to survive on a plant based diet.

I certainly do not see that guy in the videos' imagined future with a much more enlightened species of people who do not eat meat. If anything as resources run out in the world and people become more desperate for scarce resources I imagine that the luxury of being able to take ethical standpoints on food will become a thing of the past. I cannot imagine there were too many people with ethical positions on food in my home country of Ireland only 150 years ago during the potato famine for example.

That is not to say I would not prefer to see higher worldwide standards of animal husbandry or that in general in the western world now we need to significantly reduce our food consumption of all food types including meat. It is just this notion that has cropped up a few times that meat eaters some how feel on a lesser moral ground than vegans. I certainly don't.

Only read to page 9 but rights and wrongs of veganism aside what leaps out is to me is this strange insistence on including wider family with whom you don't really get on and actually they don't wish you well at all really. Don't understand why people persist in flogging the dead horse that is wider family relationships that no one gets anything positive out of.

Dh family are like this. Once the lovely granny died we never saw his aunts uncles or cousins again - no loss.

Confirmed omnivore here. Tried being a vegetarian for a month when I was 16 but Bacon got the better of me.
I absolutely agree that DD has the right to serve whatever food she chooses at her own wedding. I attend a lot of weddings every year due to my job, and yes, people DO moan about the food. You can't please all the people all the time.
The problem with offering a vegan meal, is a lot of folk reject the unfamiliar, especially if they are from a different generation. I love vegan and vegetarian food and will often choose those options on a menu because I love veggies generally and enjoy trying new things.
For some, though, trying something new is scary, and they will reject it, especially if they feel it is forced on them. I personally believe the relatives who have refused to attend are knee-jerking and I do feel they are very short sighted and unreasonable in their reactions - however this food is unfamiliar and out of their comfort zone and so they reject it out of hand without thinking of the overall reason for the invitation. Is it possible that the OP's DD could consider ethically sourced eggs to be included in the menus? If the eggs are from rescued hens, (and thus not exploited - hens produce eggs regardless) then there may be a way of offering a vegetarian rather than purely vegan meal that may offer more scope of choice? Just an idea?

"People kicking off just because they can't eat meat are selfish and petty. There is nothing wrong with vegan food."

I can't believe some of the ignorance and stupidity on this thread. I am an omnivore, which means I eat everything. I would love to be invited to a vegan wedding.

DD is pescatorian, but eats veggie most of the time. We ate a vegan diet for a week last year and I cooked some amazing meals and made one of the best chocolate cakes ever from a vegan recipe. I admit that I was sceptical as I do a lot of baking, but the Vegan Society website has some brilliant recipes.

Those who are anti trying a vegan meal must have a poor imagination about food and eat very boring meat and two veg meals all the time. There are loads of foods that are vegan without even trying. Perhaps these closed minded people eat a limited diet.