Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks
Vegans don't think they are morally superior, or that they are ending worldwide suffering. if you meet a vegan who does, it's not because they're a vegan - it's because they're a nob

Thank you potato, I couldn't think of anything that sounded much less vegan than a cheese sauce.

The guests are being ignorant. You can eat gorgeous vegan food and for goodness sake it is only one meal. I would be with your dd with her thoughts. However depending who the guests were and how close I would maybe try and speak to them explaining they aren't going to be getting a lettuce leaf or whatever it is they think will be so awful.

Funny how all the guests are unreasonable for disliking a vegan menu ( wouldn't be to my taste either tbh ) and on another wedding thread about afternoon tea everyone's agreeing how bad it is to offer this type of food to guests!

PurpleDaisies I'm having marshmallow ice cream afterwards and for dinner I'll probably have pepperoni pizza with vegan chicken-style nuggets. No lentils allowed muahaha.

Tbf potato I know two vegans and they're both nobs! They really do think they're superior to everyone and they really do do that gagging action if anyone has non-vegan food near them. That's probably skewed my view.

yeast is a single celled microorganism

People aren't all agreeing it's bad to offer afternoon tea to guests on that thread adele, and that isn't the same as this anyway. No one is saying guests would be reasonable in not going to a wedding where afternoon tea is being served.

Posted to soon-most posters who wouldn't like a vegan menu have said they'd go anyway to support their family member/friend.

Thanks Potato - I didn't say that, and I would never say that.

'I feel the cognitive dissonance and it's a bit uncomfortable' is a classic but unsurprising since it's normalised from when we're born.

I recommend this great explanation of why vegans are annoying -

Adele on that thread most posters have said the principle of tea is fine but the quantities were inadequate.

The guests who are refusing these invitations don't know either the menu or the quantities planned. If it turns out this bride really does plan to limit the menu to tomato soup and a roll, I would say that wasn't enough.

Sally no you wouldn't see pigs, sheep or cows in the wild because there isn't any such place. Everywhere here is owned by someone and unless they were happy to have herds of these creatures tramping their now all arable crops it wouldn't happen.Vegans don't like animals suffering so seeing starving cows and sheep in winter on the few wild bits we do have isn't likely to make anyone feel good.
And I'm not sure vegans want to see any animals living as kept creatures so basically all you get is the things that live wild. Unmanaged and un cared for.

I know two vegans and they're both nobs
all of the 'nobs' that I know eat meat

but we both know that's neither here nor there

Milk, I know someone who's a vegan and has been known to make comments about other people, not even eating meat, but talking about meat, in her presence.

It's not because she's vegan; it's because she's a bit rude.

Equally, I used to know an omnivore who came to dinner at my house once and made gagging noises when she was handed a bowl of greens to pass round, because she was rather proud of the fact that she didn't like vegetables.

She also came to another friend's house and made disparaging comments about the dairy-free ice cream they gave everyone with pudding.

She was just awesomely a bit rude too.

It's not really to do with food choices; some people just act like tits sometimes.

Cows,pigs and sheep have never been wild animals.

They were always bred to be domesticated like ferrets.

You have similar animals like yak for cows and boar for pigs but you won't find them in the wild

I think you were right to mention the veganism on the invitation, to save stress/distress on the day. I'm a confirmed meat-eater, but would have no problem at all attending a vegan wedding - and understand why your daughter may not want animal products served on 'her' day. I'd have more problems with an alcohol-free wedding - but hey, vegan wine is awesome :) Those who can't last a day without meat could always bung a ham sandwich in their handbags if they really felt the need. People turning down the invitation on the basis that it's a vegan event are just looking for an excuse not to attend, IMO. Twats :)

Why is it so important to the bride that all guests eat vegan food when the groom doesn't normally; and they'll be setting up (or have already) a non vegan household together?
How is that going to work?

How do you know they don't have a vegan household, Floggingmolly?

I'm vegetarian and DH isn't but we have a vegetarian household as I explained above.

I don't know, obviously; I just wondered how it worked? Does your DH have to eat his McDonalds in the car?

Hmmm... How rude would it be to actually start eating something else at a catered for wedding? Surely it would be ruder than just declining?

I'm a committed meat eater but I've had many a vegan meal and I've enjoyed them, but my mum would really struggle she doesn't eat tomatoes or pasta or rice or any type of sauce. Pepper is the only spice she would use

I liked that video, Alba

Given that 2/3 of adults in this country are overweight or obese, I think we could all happily skip a meal if the veganity of it is unappealing.

And what the hell is vegan cheese??? Cheese is made of milk (unless of course it's a fruit "cheese" i.e. paste.)

How rude would it be to actually start eating something else at a catered for wedding?

I don't know, but I imagine from the sound of some of these guests they wouldn't be above doing exactly that

I'm an omnivore, so I've no ethical objection to veg & pulses - I eat loads of them. I won't faint with hunger if one meal has no animal products.
Something I haven't tried ? Great opportunity.

When I host, no problem to provide a tasty option for the vegan and she'd get first dibs, in case the carnivores scoff it
A vegan has ethical objections to animal products, not a taste / texture preference.
Totally different.

I'm happy to attend celebrations, including Christmas or New Year, that are vegan, or alcohol-free.
Some vegan food is delic, some godawful. So, same chance as for omnivorous meals.
I go for the company and I'm open to enjoy different food to my normal.

My last wedding invite was from a Muslim chum (37 years younger than me ! - she invited everyone she knew from the gym):
We knew it would be alcohol-free.
It also turned out that men and women ate & celebrated in separate rooms, with loud traditional Moroccan music.
Everyone had a fantastic time, lots of new dishes to try and we got recipes (her mum & gran catered)

It would be totally unreasonable to expect her to add a non-Muslim option, for us to get sloshed and dance with blokes.