Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

once, that's a really good explanation, thank you. Kind of like my mother, who tells me proudly about the rabbit stew that she has just cooked and then cries the week after because her dog killed a baby rabbit. Total disconnect. And she gets aggressive when I mention my food choices (apparently she will not cater for them when I visit her this summer).

A vegetariancaneat meat, butwillnot.

Not always - I have a friend who is vegetarian because she's allergic. She ended up in hospital after being served a fish sandwich on a cafe where the knife used to cut it had been used on a meat sandwich just before.

Most vegetarians I know are so either for ethical reasons or because they just don't like meat. But I tend not to ask them whybecause if I'm preparing vegetarian food, I wouldn't share the knife I'd used for meat, so if others are vegetarian because of allergy, I'd hope it wouldn't be a risk in my house. Though I can't run to a separate meat fridge, just shelves.

And while I agree vegan food can be joyless, thee are lots of great recipes out there - I have had a cheese-cake like dessert which was mostly avocado and chocolate, which was absolutely excellent, rich and creamy and delish. Obviously wouldn't suit anyone who can't eat chocolate or avocado, but I shouldn't think anyone else would object.

I mean, why are a pig and a dog so different they deserve such radically different treatment?

I've eaten dog (or at least I've eaten dog-sized meat and they were a bit evasive about what it was). As a practical means of raising meat for the table, it's crap: there's not much edible meat on a dog, it needs to be hung for a long time in order not to be very tough, and depending on the dog's diet it's very strong tasting. Raising carnivores as meat animals is also pretty stupid, as you might as well just eat the meat you're feeding the animal.

Oh, and if you find yourself in the arctic with a pack of huskies, a rifle and poor prospects, don't eat the liver: Vitamin A is toxic in high doses.

Horse, now there we're talking, and a trip to the horse butcher in France is always a treat. The steaks are lovely, and the coarser cuts make fabulous stews: rich, great texture, perfect gravy. Roast joints can be a bit tough, and reward long cooking: treat them like mutton, or maybe brisket.

so your dd wanted a huge wedding with 150/200 yet invited 50 and now 10 wont come so will be 40

did dh2b want a small wedding, why isnt dd inviting the other 100/150 people?

if dh isnt vegan then does he not get a say in food as well? sounds like he is happy to have other options foodwise

what does he normally eat at home?

are vegans tee total? been a few posts about no booze at weddings and was wondering

prettybird whats the recipe for vegan chocolate cake? as geerally cakes have butter/eggs in them

whats the menu for this wedding, have dd said to caterers what she wants, or they provide the menu

a vegan buffet sounds good and then least people have a few options to choose from,rather then one meal

your dd is daft to think of cancelling her big day as some people wont come

are vegans tee total?

No. Someone got the idea it was a 'dry' wedding for some reason, and has posted sneeringly about it.

"It's vegan - what's not to like?"

We wouldnt know as the OP hasnt come back to tell us despite many people asking what the menu may be..

There is a lot to like and a lot not to like depending on your tastes. I wouldnt want a plate full of lentils and mung beans, but there are plenty of other things that I would probably like. As an invited guest I would like to know the menu beforehand if it was something I wouldnt normally eat, so that I at least could be prepared and eat something I did like before going. I certainly wouldnt turn down an invitation on this basis, and would happily try the food.

I do think the bride should perhaps not force her beliefs on everyone and could provide a vegetarian option as there is far more choice there and would appeal to more people. It would also be a shame to pay for vegan food and then have loads left because guests didnt like it.

Milkand2sugars ( i think that was your name!) I have never successfully managed to make falafel myself at home. I have also tried a packet mix and unsurprisingly it was also a disaster as it all just fell to pieces in the frying pan. If you are in London there are a good few places you can buy falafel (look for the middle eastern/arab type shops). They are nothing like the stodgy tasteless ball shaped things you pick up in the health foods/frozen section of Tesco!

On a side note, what a shame that people feel they couldn't attend an alcohol free wedding!

I know vegan is a moral / ethical choice.

I sometimes wonder what the conditions are like for the people who grow and harvest the crops and what effect the transportation of the produce has on the planet.

I'm a massive carnivore but would be happy to e

X post byjim! Not in London, but thank you anyway.

Oops...
Would be happy to eat vegan at a family member's wedding. It's one bloody meal! Your guests are being massively unreasonable, they can have a burger on the way home...

I have a question for you vegans. I promise this isn't being goady, it's something that occurred to me reading this thread.

How do vegans reconcile feeding their babies with breast milk or baby milk substitutes, both of which are animal fat? Is there an ethical difference between human milk and cow's milk?

Anyway, I think the conclusion is that people who are invited to event with unfamiliar food should be prepared to at least try it, and stop making a fuss. Which I agree with entirely. But the number of MN threads in which people claim that they are being excluded from social events because people won't tolerate their fussy eating tends to make me think this may not be a unanimous conclusion...

I'm not a vegan, but breastfeeding your own child doesn't involve the exploitation of animals.

EBearhug

I have a friend who is vegetarian because she's allergic. She ended up in hospital after being served a fish sandwich on a cafe

She isn't a vegetarian if she eats fish.

Altogether now....

It's an invitation, not a summons!

They don't have to go if they don't want to - whatever the reason!

Falafel are really easy to make!

Here's a recipe.

I use egg replacer, rather than egg, which makes them vegan. (I am not vegan, or even vegetarian, but my DC are all intolerant to eggs.)

This,with some baba ganoush and salad in pita, is a meal that is popular with my whole family.

(Sorry for the side track.)

sally It's to do with the conditions cows are kept in for dairy farming. Human milk does not involve much suffering in its production.

better they don't come if they are that narrow minded to put food before celebrating a marriage.

I don't like any vegetables, apart from potato, I also don't like any salad or things like onions, mushrooms or peppers.

This wedding would be a nightmare for me!

However I'd still go, I have a very sweet tooth so would wait for dessert or just have everybody's bread rolls! [grin[

Thank you Ffitz.
So if I could keep cows in a free range natural environment, their milk would be vegan?

Thank you Sanity! I've bookmarked that and I'll give it a go.

Sallying, would you also be keeping all calves produced by the happy cows, as normally these go on to be killed. And you couldn't kill them when get stopped producing milk either.