Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

Evil if you are genuinely a pure animal food eater and literally only capable of eating meat or dairy, whetherdue to personal choice or medical reasons, then yes, I would expect the hostess to cater for you.

And i think making the menu available early is a good idea as allergies to onions, pulses, mushrooms etc aren't that uncommon.

YABU to be annoyed with your dd - it's the rude invitees that you should be raising your eyebrows at.
I also think it was helpful to mention it on the invitation - now you've saved a fortune by not having to cater for those rude people who think what they eat is more important than sharing the day. Also, those who are a bit fussy, and worried if they will like the food, have the opportunity to either stick some picnic things in the car, eat a big meal before the come, or scope out a local eatery to slope off too during a quiet bit.

Cats Oh, so you're one of those who doesn't go to a wedding because they care about the person getting married - you just care about having to spend money and not getting compensated for that. You must be the life and soul...

And Eviltwins the OPs daughter has a diet based around her beliefs that the commodification of other living things isn't ok. Her soon-to-be DH presumably doesn't have a belief that requires him to consume animal products with every meal. So you're talking bollocks.

For the record, my husband is not Jewish or vegetarian. We don't have meat at home, we cook vegetarian together but he might have meat when we go out. No compromising of morals, and we respect each other.

I'm going to a wedding where both vegetarian and meat eating options were offered. I eat (and love) meat but went for the veggie options purely because I like to try something different.

Plus, meat cooked on mass at a wedding is often poorly done.

Who cares! I'd be greatful for less family attendi g so I could invite more friends!

EvilTwin - I'll eat most dead things, but can't stand prawns. Really turn my stomach, so even if I knew it was your favourite food stuff, if I invited you to my house for dinner, I wouldn't serve prawns. There would be food you could eat, I'd check your dietary requirements, but there'd be no prawns. If we were at restaurant and you wanted to order them, I wouldn't stop you or make a fuss about them being on the table, but wouldn't eat them if they were part of a shared dishes type meal. If you were hosting and served prawns, I'd just not eat them. (and have pretended not to be hungry then swung by a drive thru on the way home before now)

Someone liking prawns doesn't make them a food requirement, there are many other dishes that don't include them. Liking eating dead things in general (as I do) doesn't make it a requirement, I often don't have meat or fish in meals.

the mistake was to mention it, there's lots of meat and diary free meals that people don't think of as "vegan meal" so wouldn't notice, I guess that would depend on what was being served.

What I am intrigued about are those meat eaters who would attend a vegan wedding, but would stick something in their handbag to make sure they last the duration. Like, what? A sausage? A roasted chicken? Is the thought of not eating meat for one day really so terrible to some people?

I'd also would like to know where all the hate and disdain for vegans comes from. I've recently switched from pescatarian to a plant-based only diet, and have since noticed on here and in IRL that there is a lot of negativity and not a lot of respect about/for vegans and vegan food.

You should NOT have put it on the invitation... the food would then have been a surprise and no doubt many of those refusing to attend would have enjoyed it. Also, you know if someone did object you can adapt at the time (e.g.order a takeaway or use the restaurant if available).

On another note... it is your daughter's and (future) son-in-law's wedding, so the final decisions are theirs... but I think choosing a 'vegan only' theme is a mistake, not just because the food but also the thoughts people might have about other things (e.g. presents, drinks to bring etc..), this is probably more of the reason they are refusing to come... Weddings are supposed to be enjoyable for everyone, and making it any theme at all would put some people off, messing with their food escalates this!

Bolograph, I was putting it in shortened terms, to cover a lot of cuisines. I'm neither 80, or Racist.

Pasta, ready made, can have all sorts of crap thrown in, it was firstly made without eggs, it generally isn't now.

As said, I'm Vegan, I mainly eat food from Asia, Creole and some Indian and Mexican origins.

My point was that people seemed to have ridiculous notions of what constitutes Vegan food and it being a new thing.

I have no idea why the catering should have any bearing on whether you attend or not. I think the guests are being extremely rude. Your daughter should be able to serve whatever food she likes.

My sister doesn't eat spicy food at all. When we were invited to the wedding of a friend who is of Indian descent it would not have even occurred to her to turn it down because she doesn't eat curry. She had a big breakfast, stuck a couple of muesli bars in her bag, just in case, and turned up to celebrate the wedding. That's the polite thing for a guest to do.

Tbh, id be glad that people were showing their true colors. Now your dd can invite other, nicer, people to her special day.

Non-vegans can eat vegan food and do so every day. A chip buttie is vegan!

Vegans, on the other hand, cannot eat meat or animal products and usually make this choice on ethical grounds. Why should they be paying for their guests fussiness?

They should just say stuff them and have the nice people at their (smaller, cheaper, friendlier) wedding.

I say this as a lover of meat and cheese!

Perhaps you could mock up a menu showing what will be on offer, and once they know it won't be lentil and cauliflower sludge on a plate they may come around?

It's not the same situation as omnivores catering for the only vegan at an event, as no-one would be offended by that. But a vegan bride probably does not want to mark her special day by looking out upon tables of people chewing on bits of chopped up dead animal.

I think your family is quite unpleasant if they are not able to forego meat at one meal, for your dd's sake. And do they really eat meat/dairy at every single meal? It might be nice for their arteries to get a break for a few hours...

Exactly, Theimpossiblegirl I just had baked beans on a jacket potato for lunch. Vegan, I assume!

La Belle, if they were that interested would they not simply have asked for clarification of the menu already.

YABU. Her guests who won't come are-how awful of them!

A lot of soft bread rolls have butter or milk in them now, whereas lots don't, if you served me a crusty bread roll, I wouldn't automatically think it was vegan unless told. I also probably wouldn't tell until eating it if there was a butter subsitute.

When many people think of 'vegan food' they do think 'lentils' - which aren't popular (particularly as most people's first experiences of them in the 80s involved them being undercooked and hideous), but then there's lots of meat and diary free meals I could knock up that contain neither chickpeas or lentils - and perhaps you wouldn't automatically think "this is a vegan meal" unless you'd been told in advance.

A wedding isn't like the "mother bringing chicken to her vegan DDs at Christmas" thread either, mainly because in the UK there isn't a standard wedding meal that everyone serves, like Christmas and a roast dinner. Having a traditional roast isn't that common at a wedding.

I'm not a vegan but have just eaten the most delicious Lebanese salad with couscous, falafel, tahini, a jewel coloured salad and flatbread. All vegan and completely gorgeous. The problem is with the rude wedding guests, not your daughter. It's her day after all.

Actually, Baked Beans are not vegan... they have meat extracts in the sauce flavourings.

A chip butty doesn't always mean vegan.

Milk in butter, milk in some bread rolls, chips fried in animal fat

to be honest if the guests think more of a bit of steak than your daughter .to hell with them

mrod

Sainsburys baked beans are vegan

Cant vouch for any others

Catvsworld so do you eat meat at every meal?

That can't be very healthy, or are you a cat?

A wedding isn't like the "mother bringing chicken to her vegan DDs at Christmas" thread either I hope they are serving Vegducken with vegan adaptations of course!
www.epicurious.com/holidays-events/vegducken-best-vegetarian-thanksgiving-dish-article

evil

A couple of people have said they are vegetarian or vegan married to a meat eater but still keep a meatless household