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Original poster

Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

1000 replies

kathycraig79 · 29/05/2016 09:00

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

OP posts:
Janecc · 29/05/2016 13:12

Hodoooor I understand the argument that the feelings of some vegans are very powerful and it's still not a recognised religion. A lot of religious people may be equally defended by the analogy.

Catvsworld · 29/05/2016 13:12

There was a similar thread a while back were op was a vegan and mum wanted to bring chicken on Christmas Day

ITS GRIM op knows it's grim as a meat eater that's why she wanted to pre warm people as she knows it's wouldn't go down well

I just love these vegans saying she shouldn't cater when often they moan the most when they are not catered for I wouldn't dream of having a vegan sitting at my wedding not being able to eat anything being hungry and misrable

ComaToes · 29/05/2016 13:13

I'd be delighted with a vegan wedding, actually. IME it's interesting flavours, not too heavy, and with some surprisingly good puddings. I think perhaps people who object haven't gone to a decent vegan restaurant / event and are stuck in the 1970s fearing lead-heavy brown pastry filled with plain lentils, with fruit for dessert.

And surely most people have to drive home, so at least one adult per family couldn't drink anyway?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 29/05/2016 13:13

Veganism has the same protection by law as religion....

venusinscorpio · 29/05/2016 13:15

I don't think the OP's daughter's wedding is teetotal.

PurpleDaisies · 29/05/2016 13:15

I just love these vegans saying she shouldn't cater when often they moan the most when they are not catered for I wouldn't dream of having a vegan sitting at my wedding not being able to eat anything being hungry and miserable

There are no foods you eat that don't contain meat? Hmm

SomethingLike · 29/05/2016 13:15

Kathy, you said the relatives in question said they were sick of catering for your daughter at events and then not having their tastes taken into consideration in return. This to me said one of two things. Either: Your relatives feel your daughter makes a song and dance out of being vegan and has been a bit of a PITA with them or trying to push her beliefs onto others, behaving in a superior way etc to get their backs up. Or they don't get on with you and your daughter and are using this to behave in a spiteful way. Do you think it could be one of these reasons?

Your daughter had every right to have a vegan wedding. The relatives have been invited for a free meal, it's an honour to be invited! Just because it's not exactly to their tastes it is appalling rude to throw it back in the hosts face. I am a meat eater and I would enjoy a vegan wedding. With some thought and consideration you can create gorgeous vegan meals.

The guests are being spiteful, rude and very ignorant. Don't put pressure on your DD to change her plans to cater for these bullies. They can take it, or leave it.

Roussette · 29/05/2016 13:17

Oh god... the OP has not said she isn't having alcohol at the wedding, that was another poster. I've typed that already on here but pp's dont RTFT!

I fear this is going to be a case of "why don't you cancel the cheque" Confused

I shall just maie myself available forever and a day to type that it is not a dry wedding with no alcohol!

Birdsgottafly · 29/05/2016 13:17

Catsvworld, I'm Vegan and wouldn't eat what you pictured.

Vegan food, is just food, without Meat, if you cook 'traditional' 'Ethnic' food, you don't use dairy, because Coconut/nut/soya milk/cream, is what was used.

The bread most people Grandparents are, was Vegan, as Hovis, still is.

Pasta was originally made without diary.

It was only after the Second World War and the increase in Farming, that all societies started to use diary regularly.

Lentils are used because of their nutritional value, it's a shame that people have children that have never tried them, they're cheap and low in calories, but veery good for you, likewise, chickpeas and other pulses.

Catvsworld · 29/05/2016 13:17

Veganism has the same protection by law as religion

It would still be shit having it for a occasion meal

Lynnm63 · 29/05/2016 13:17

Not much to add really other than its one meal not a lifetime commitment. Worst case scenario the food is rank and you eat the cereal bar, bag of peanuts, body weight in chocolate you've stashed in your bag for the day.
I'm a committed carnivore mmmmm bacon, but I'd go to the wedding of a friend or relative no matter what they were serving. might draw the line at eating fried crickets, I'd still go but not eat it
If you can't suck it up for this then you're not someone I'd want at my wedding.

EvilTwins · 29/05/2016 13:17

It's about courtesy and being nice to people.

I wouldn't dream of inviting a vegan for dinner and forcing them to eat meat. So why doesn't it work both ways? I respect the views of others and expect them to respect my views.

Anicechocolatecake · 29/05/2016 13:18

I find it baffling people would refuse to go to a wedding because the food will be vegan. Sure, vegan food can be quite disgusting but if you have a good caterer it can also be delicious.

This is a vegan cake. I can't see many people turning down a slice. I'm not vegan but I follow a lot of instagrammers who are and their food is drool worthy

Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?
PurpleDaisies · 29/05/2016 13:18

It would still be shit having it for a occasion meal

So don't have it at your wedding then. The bride (with her fiancé) have every right to provide whatever free food for their guests they like.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 29/05/2016 13:19

Not rtft, sorry, but sounds like a marvellous way to filter out all the arseholes who only attend weddings for the free food and drink and don't actually care that much about the marriage. Will save her a lot of money to not have these self-centered idiots in attendance, so good job.

Catvsworld · 29/05/2016 13:19

We do eat lentils in a sheprds pie and alike

It's grim just like you find meat grim I find veg on veg on veg on lentils grim
Lowe like meat and fish I would not feel I had. Good meal without it

DinosaursRoar · 29/05/2016 13:19

I don't get the "she's not a proper vegan because she's marrying a meat eater" point either - that's just clearly she's not a complete dick about it!

There's a big difference between saying "no one can eat meat around me" and "I will not cook or buy meat products, but if my DP/others in my life want to, that's their business, just I won't get involved." Lots of veggies and vegans are living with meat eaters, the meat eater has to just decide if they can be arsed buying and cooking meat separately or eat the veggie/vegan food.

Catvsworld · 29/05/2016 13:20

She gave the for warning because she new most people would think wtf vegan food no other options she is not even willing t do a veggie wedding

PurpleDaisies · 29/05/2016 13:20

I wouldn't dream of inviting a vegan for dinner and forcing them to eat meat. So why doesn't it work both ways? I respect the views of others and expect them to respect my views.

I respect the rights of people to smoke. I find it disgusting and would not buy cigarettes for someone else.

SapphireStrange · 29/05/2016 13:20

I think the guests are the ones being highly unreasonable, not your daughter. If anyone was so rude as to refuse to come to my wedding because of a tantrum over food, I wouldn't want them there anyway.

I totally agree with this. They're behaving appallingly. Breathtakingly rude.

people who are maybe going to have to come a long way, and shell out quite a lot one way and another... might feel that if they're not even going to get a meal they would really enjoy out of it, they don't feel like bothering.

I have NEVER thought this about a wedding and am Hmm at the idea that people might make their decision about attending based, even partly, on what they might 'get out of it'.

It's an honour to be invited to someone's wedding. It's not an opportunity for guests to 'get' something out of it. Yes, I know they're sometimes expensive and time-consuming to attend; if that is a problem for a potential guest then they can regretfully decline the invitation – but what exact kind of meal you 'get out of it' shouldn't come into it.

I think your daughter should have the food she wants.

Bolograph · 29/05/2016 13:20

Pasta was originally made without diary.

And still is.

if you cook 'traditional' 'Ethnic' food, you don't use dairy,

I don't know what you mean by "ethnic food" (are you 80 and a little bit racist?) but a lot of vegetarian Indian food uses ghee, and the entire world of Indian sweets centres would collapse without milk (barfi, in particular).

Margay · 29/05/2016 13:21

"I wouldn't dream of inviting a vegan for dinner and forcing them to eat meat. So why doesn't it work both ways?"

But you'd happily "force" them to buy/cook/prepare meat and have it in their home or at their event?

For many vegans, meat is utterly revolting and upsetting. Vegans and vegetarians are exposed to that all the time - if they are spending lots of time and money to have an event and giving out free food, just let them have that one event be pleasant for them.

Birdsgottafly · 29/05/2016 13:21

Just as an after thought, people wonder why Muslims/Hindu's etc, don't integrate, more, how can they when people won't accept dietary differences within their own family, let alone acquaintances.

EvilTwins · 29/05/2016 13:21

Dinosaur it's relevant here because she's saying "no meat/dairy at my wedding. I am not compromising my beliefs for others" but is marrying someone who eats meat so presumably is happy to have meat and dairy in her home. Just not at her wedding Hmm

SapphireStrange · 29/05/2016 13:22

I wouldn't dream of inviting a vegan for dinner and forcing them to eat meat. So why doesn't it work both ways? I respect the views of others and expect them to respect my views.

Because someone who eats meat can/will eat non-animal products as well (unless you exclusively eat meat/fish/eggs/dairy, no veg, fruit, pulses, bread, pasta or anything else); but a vegan cannot/will not eat animal products.

It's not that hard to understand.

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