Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

venus, let's be straight here. I have no objection to the OP's daughter being vegan. I do struggle to see why it's do unreasonable to ask her yo cater for the guests she has chosen to invite, especially since she expects others to cater for her and since she is choosing to marry a meat eater which suggests her moral objections to meat and her subsequent "belief system" can't be all that strong.

Why would you put vegan in the invite? Was it a stealth boast? I haven't read the entire thread but it seems like there won't be any booze either? Sounds a bit uptight.

I suspect that there is more than the food to blame for declines....

Stop your silly wowing and engage properly. Analagous to is not the same thing as the same as.

It makes no difference to you if you are offered vegan food because of religious or non-religious reasons, so your distinction is only based on your own prejudices.

IF your problem is with the use of CAN and WILL, well sure, a vegan CAN eat meat but chooses not to. Exactly the same way that a muslim CAN eat pork but chooses not to, the same way a kosher jew CAN eat prawns and bacon but chooses not to.

But none of the reasons matter, the outcome is the same.

I'm both Jewish and vegetarian, and for me it is pretty much the same so I don't need to "have a good hard think about it" - I've been doing so for 20 years.

As for "can" and "will" and therefore a vegan should provide meat if s/he had previously been provided vegan food... Say person A provides beef at their house for person B. Person B then invites person A over for a meal but person A says "I eat dog and cat, not other meals". Should person B then put a puppy in the oven for person A? Or should person A just accept that person B will provide instead a variety of nice food they can eat but not one particular ingredient? After all, person B can eat a kitten, they just will not/choose not to....

People saying that vegan food is just "salad or vegetables" makes me think they have missed out a lot, which is a shame as vegan food can be utterly amazing and varied. It reminds me of an ex who kept shaking his head in disbelief and saying, "I just don't understand what you eat" and refused to believe the vegetarian pub I took him to once only had vegetarian food, because the menu was several pages long. He spent ages poring over the menu trying to prove me wrong...

I wonder if the groom is staying out of it because the OP and the DD have completely taken over and he isn't allowed an opinion.

She is marrying a meat eater

She is also not even having a fucking drink to soften the blow

God I wouldn't go either why would I attend a even were myself and my kids are going to be hungry vegan is a step to far and not even a bloody drink in sight

And I would agree is most likely the family have had years of catering to ops daughter vegan flight of fancy

If her morals were that strong she would not marry a meat eater I would not marry Somone who smoked

Sorry Hodoor. Am now engaging.

If the OP's daughter is marrying a meat eater then clearly her morals aren't that strong.

If she expects her dietary requirements to be catered for, then I would expect her to extend the same courtesies to guests she is choosing to invite.

It isn't the same as a Muslim or Jewish or Sikh wedding where the entire event is vastly different to a traditional British wedding. I have been to Muslim wedding and I sat in a different room to the men. Didn't object because it was part of the way it was done. Food was great. Bride was 16.

Veganism is not a religion. This is a traditional western wedding with a vegan meal. It is not the same. The two are not analogous.

I was a vegetarian who married a meat eater

The household was a vegetarian household....right up until i had children

My principles were very strong

Guilty pescitarian now

Some vegan food can but most for a meat eater is missable for most people a good event will be babied on being fed a watered most meat eater will tolerate a veggie meal but vegan is to fucking far

I had a veggie Christmas once at my cousins house and it was the worst Christmas I ever had the kids hardly ate anything and all I wanted was a bit of ham it was misrabke

And he smoked

Cats have you never enjoyed a bowl of pasta with tomatoes and garlic?

Why on earth do people think vegan food is something so alien? Bloody Oreos are vegan FFS, and so are loads of things most people eat every day, like bread, rice, potatoes, and most carbs. Alpro yoghurts and desserts are completely vegan and taste no different to dairy versions.

It really p*sses me off when people have that sort of attitude to something based on ridiculous and inaccurate preconceptions.

I don't know anybody who eats meat with every meal, and there are alternatives for all dairy products. She shouldn't have put it on the invite because I bet nobody would've even noticed the difference. How can people refuse to eat 2 healthier meals on her special day? Utterly ridiculous.

Honestly, it's not bad manners to serve people food that you have paid for and arranged to be served to them that meets their dietary requirements but is perhaps not their favourite choice of meal.

It's not poor hosting to ensure while there's something everyone can eat, you aren't serving foods that are against your moral stanse (be that for ethical or religious or just 'uncomfortable' reasons).

It's a wedding, it's not about the food really. That family members aren't going to go because they don't think the quality of the 'do' will be good enough, says everything about why they were considering going in the first place. If they were only going for a free family meet up and party, not because they give a shit about seeing the bride and groom marry, then why pander to them? Sounds like they were duty invites anyway.

There's a lot to be said with filling your wedding with people who actually care about you, not people who you are only inviting because it's the done thing.

Yes I too would be concerned about what my DD would eat she's very fussy. I would have to take food for her. She's 7.

If the OP's daughter is marrying a meat eater then clearly her morals aren't that strong

Clearly nothing. You don't know them, or their set up, or their morals, so you can't comment on that.

It isn't the same as a Muslim or Jewish or Sikh wedding where the entire event is vastly different to a traditional British wedding. I have been to Muslim wedding and I sat in a different room to the men. Didn't object because it was part of the way it was done. Food was great. Bride was 16

This is a rather ridiculous argument. It's ok to serve vegan food but only if you are sufficiently forrin?

Veganism is not a religion. This is a traditional western wedding with a vegan meal. It is not the same. The two are not analogous

It's like a religion in many ways. It makes as much sense as a religion, more so in fact. At least the ethics are personally chosen instead of acquired.

As I said,none of it matters. Either you are offered meat or not, the WHY makes no difference to you, Judgey McCarnivore.

You fall in love with a person, not their morals. I went vegan after I got together with DH, so what, I should divorce him because he's not vegan?

Somthing like what's in the photo would make me want to leave

Vegan food is just veg on veg on lentils I wouldn't want this and my kids defiantly would eat it

I would be hungry and pissed of and defiantly would not have a good time

I'd rather have a decent vegan meal than a poor meat based one.
And I'm a carnivore.

I must have missed the definition of vegan or vegetarianism where you're not allowed to marry a meat-eater.

Vegan food is just veg on veg on lentils I wouldn't want this and my kids defiantly would eat it

No, its not and good on your children for defying you and eating the vegan food!

poster Albadros

Yes I have but I wouldn't want That at a wedding or for fucking Christmas if I went to a wedding that I paid ££££ to get to more than likely paid for a hotel as is the rage these days paid for a gift bought out fits I would be well fucked off if I was served garlic , toms and pasta with no fucking drink

Arghhhh. Nowhere has the OP said there is no alcohol at the wedding.

That was someone else saying they didn't have alcohol at their wedding.

I mean wouldn't eat it my son would be like we're the meat

I don't know any vegans or vegetarians. If we got an invite to the wedding that was, I would eat before we left. Simple.

I want to a wedding once when we had to do a Mcdonalds run

We were starving waiting for the buffett

I don't like a lot of vegan food so I'd be pleased you'd put it on the invitation as I'd know to have a big breakfast that morning or maybe a sandwich on the drive up so that I wouldn't be hungry if there wasn't anything for me to eat when I got there. However, I wouldn't let that influence whether or not I would go to the wedding as it's not about getting fed! I think the guests are being unreasonable, not your daughter, but she shouldn't cancel. She should have her wedding exactly how she wants and write off the people too rude to attend!