Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

The groom is not vegan.

Why do the bride's wishes trump the groom's?

And can someone please explain the "it just isn't the same" argument? Why is it outrageous for a meat eater to not provide for vegetarian guests but not outrageous for vegans to ignore the wishes of meat eaters.

If you change the menu and they all come, you'll know they're only there for the plate of food and not your dd.

Sod 'em all. Save the money and have a smaller wedding with people who are there for the right reasons.

Although this does bring to mind Mitchell and Webb

If people are prepared to behave like complete fuckwits and decline an invitation to the wedding on the basis of vegan food, then thank your lucky stars and ask some nice people to come instead.

But then again, I met a couple who told me I wasn't allowed to eat cheese omelette and chips because it was listed as a vegetarian option and I enjoy meat on occasion. They really were that ignorant. FWIW the omelette was delicious and the couple proved to be ignorant aresholes in other areas of life as well.

How very distressing, and rude of the guests, but not surprising. A friend took meat sandwiches for her husband because he refused to eat the vegetarian menu offered at a recent wedding, and at a teetotal wedding guests brought in alcohol to drink, even though the bride's family were strict teetotal Baptists.
At another vegetarian wedding the groom's mother offered a cold meat buffet at her house before the wedding, which didn't take place until late afternoon, for people who couldn't last without meat; (could you do this, for close family members?) A committed carnivore, I was surprised how delicious the vegetarian food was. As much of it eastern, some people were then heard to complain that it was too spicy.

People have explained why eviltwins. Repeatedly.

OasisOrBlur I love that sketch!

YABVU to be p*ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

its not YOUR wedding, its her (and fiances) wedding

If people are too rude to not eat meat /animal products for ONE DAY! then they dont deserve to come

My daughter thinks that if the numbers are too low she may be forced to cancel. Why? you only need couple of witnesses for a wedding - how about you support her on her big day? and encourage people to get a grip and go to her wedding

purple I know what vegan food is. Or at least I think I do. No meat no dairy right?

My initial thought would be "ohh salad". But it still wouldn't stop me going to a wedding. As I said, I've eaten vegan food. Curries and tarts and cakes etc. And wouodnt be able to tell te difference. It's just that snap judgement.

You go to people's weddings because you're happy for them and you want to share a happy occasion with them. Not because you want to get fed. She's missing out on nothing if they don't come. They don't matter.

Venus, people have said stuff like "it won't kill them", "it's only one meal" and "but vegetarian food is delicious" Which works both ways.

I would like to explained why so many feel it does not work both ways and why vegetarians must be catered for but meat eaters do not have the same courtesies extended.

When I got married, we had 3 vegetarian choices and 3 non-vegetarian. What's wrong with equality?

Sure, if both bride and groom have specific beliefs (like my cousin who had a vegan wedding) but in the case of the OP, the groom is not vegetarian.

My cousin (let's call her A) is getting married in the summer. Church wedding then a hog roast in her parents' garden. Another cousin (B) is vegan. When he got married, there was a cold, tee-total vegan buffet. If B refused to go to A's wedding because it was a hog roast, who would be being unreasonable

B, for being both a sanctimonious twat (assuming of course that he was being offered an alternative meal to hog roast), and for having "cold, tee-total, vegan buffet" at his wedding. Sounds like a joyless, damp, affair.

I would like to explained why so many feel it does not work both ways and why vegetarians must be catered for but meat eaters do not have the same courtesies extended

Because its not the same thing and you know it. If you went to a muslim wedding would you expect a tequila and pork option?

It is your daughter's wedding and her choice. Should be her fiance's too but you say he's opted out. Imo the guests are being unreasonable but again, that's their choice. I do think your daughter is being a bit precious though. While I respect her principles she can obviously compromise these when it suits as her fiancé isn't vegan. Does she make him store, prepare and eat his non-vegan food in the garden? Does he have to brush his teeth before he kisses her? If she can tolerate spending the rest of her life with a non-vegan I can't see that it would hurt her to consider at least a veggie option at her wedding.

The guests are being unreasonable. Your daughter should have her wedding the way she wants and if it being vegan means so much to her, then so be it. To not go to a wedding because the food is not to your taste is petty. Even if it wasn't vegan there would still be a chance that a guest wouldn't like the food anyway.

I think you and your daughter have both done fine, and should now move on to enjoy the day you've planned.

Having a vegan meal is fine. Putting it on the invitations was a really good idea, because it never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be at the actual wedding - eg at my first wedding we were just starting back down the aisle as newly weds when my dad piped up loudly 'this isn't wedding music' ( it was a Wedding March by Prokofiev) and at my second a guest said to dh 'i'd rather be at the football'. It is quite hurtful hearing this on the day. I can just imagine a shouty rebellion from your side of the family if they hadn't been told, and possibly someone marching off, hijacking a kebab van and screeching to a halt outside the venue to be instantly surrounded by guests baying for doner.

I'm also not surprised at their reaction having seen my own mother, who is intelligent and a great cook, chuntering madly about the prospect of a vegetarian wedding a few years ago (she enjoyed it).

You sound upset that you cant give your DD her 'dream' wedding, and I also wonder what your family were like at your own wedding. Let it go now and just continue to have fun, neither of you has done anything wrong.

Because its not the same thing and you know it. If you went to a muslim wedding would you expect a tequila and pork option

Being vegan is not a religion.

Those who claim the two are comparible are being massively insulting.

And anyway, in this case, the bride is marrying a meat eater, so her principles obviously can't be that strong.

Your poor daughter. The guests are idiots and I doubt they will be missed.

Being vegan is a moral belief. It's on the same level as a religious belief. It's not being "massively insulting" to point that out. It just doesn't suit your non existent argument.

Those who claim the two are comparible are being massively insulting

Why? And to which side? It's a set of choices a person makes to live their life a certain way.

And what is the difference to you? You are offered meat or not, what difference does it make why? It's ok to not give you meat for a religious reason but not for a personal reason? That makes no sense at all.

Assuming bride and groom live together. Does she allow him to have meat/dairy in the house? If yes then I don't see the issue offering a non vegan option at the wedding.

I also don't see why a group of adults are behaving like dicks because they aren't having meat for one bloody meal.

I'm not vegetarian but I don't like red meat. Most events I go to have beef or lamb with almost raw sliced potato in sauce shaped in a ramekin, (can't think of proper name for this) 3 green beans, 2 small bits of undercooked carrots and a stingy amount of gravy. (jus?)
Other option is usually fish. Blurh.

I often pick the veggie option but 9 times out of 10 it is goats cheese followed by a soggy mushroom risotto. I also think mushrooms are horrible slimy fuckers.

I would never not go to a friend of family members event because i'm a fussy sod. I just smile and eat what I can and make sure I have a sandwich and some crisps in the car for later.

I would like to explained why so many feel it doesnotwork both ways and why vegetariansmustbe catered for but meat eaters do not have the same courtesies extended.

Because meat eaters will eat all the ingredients of vegan and vegetarian food anyway, just as vegetarians can eat everything a vegan can. But vegans cannot eat vegetarian food which contains honey, eggs or any dairy products, and vegetarians cannot eat the omnivorous options which contain meat or meat products like gluten or cheese which has been made with calf rennet. Therefore, vegan food is the lowest common denominator - everyone can eat it, which isn't the same for the other options.

Whether the non vegan groom is ok with it is down to the couple concerned. It has no bearing on the vegan-ness or otherwise of the OP's DD.

EvilTwins because a meat-eater does not have a moral or ethical objection to vegetables.

I think it's quite poor hosting to have a party in a certain way if most of your guests would prefer something else, but I'm clearly in the minority.

What a nightmare OP. I too would be interested in knowing what is on the menu and what drinks are being served.

Vegan I could cope with but I'd find teetotal a bit joyless. Guests have to hang around for hours at these things and a beer or glass of vino makes it all more bearable in my experience.