Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?

[kathycraig79]

My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.

The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?

They didn't really want to be there, I'd guess, and all the inclusion of food on the invite has done is to give them an excuse to grumble at this point. (Their house was probably full of conversations like 'They expect us to go all that way for lentils?' )

As a PP said, they'd probably have found something else to mutter about if not this. Good riddance. Just accept their declining and enjoy the day with people that it's worth having there.

Just a thought, but could you cater as a vegan buffet rather than a sit down meal? That sounds delicious to me, and avoids the issue that people will not be given a choice at all. As others have said, there are lots of lovely Mediterranean / Indian style vegan food choices that will certainly not leave meat eaters feeling deprived or hungry. The thing that would put me off a vegan menu is just being given one choice and no idea of what that would be.

Having said that, I think most wedding food is generally not great so I think your guests ABU in expecting to have a nice meat filled meal anyway - my experience is that the food is normally obviously mass catered and not the highest quality!

I would love to eat them venus but just can't. They make me heave, literally. I will always try a new one in the hopes of finding another one I like but so far no luck. I just try to compensate with lots of fruit.

*my first thought re vegan food for a wedding was that it maybe wouldn't be substantial enough to soak up a lot of wine.
What do you think vegan food is?! We had a vegan curry last night which was both massive abc delicious.

Sorry OP I missed the post about your DD not making a fuss etc..Though 'making it clear' she wants a vegan option and not providing an option herself has got backs up.

I would still go ahead though as I think they are being a tad rude...though there is no way she will be catered for herself in the future

BadDoGooder, you're preaching to the converted here! I love falafels (all of them, supermarket and all!)

I'm saying that some people see this on three levels (1 - easy) carnivore and anything else, (2 - medium) vegetarian because they can have cheese, milk, eggs and (3 - difficult) vegan, which is fruit, nuts and veg and any derivatives of those but NO dairy. That's just my over-simplistic statement.

It's not particularly an honour to be invited to a wedding, it's about a couple wanting to share their day with guests. Daughter has decided that it's going to be vegan and knows full well that there are likely guests who will struggle to go from a (1) to a (3). Fair enough not wanting to cater for (1) but there is no reason not to make it possible to cater for (2). No dead bodies necessary. She's not doing that.

The only options would be to a) review the catering to include suitable (2) foods that wouldn't offend or b) just the ceremony and a glass of champagne afterwards - and end of wedding or c) just accept that it's been arranged the way it has and it's not flexible and she'll just enjoy the guests who want to attend.

It's very odd that such stricture is in place when fiancé is not a vegan also but...

Have read the full thread. Just being devil's advocate here. My cousin (let's call her A) is getting married in the summer. Church wedding then a hog roast in her parents' garden. Another cousin (B) is vegan. When he got married, there was a cold, tee-total vegan buffet. If B refused to go to A's wedding because it was a hog roast, who would be being unreasonable?

Starry, I can understand you personally can't stomach vegetables, but it's not the case for most people. They are fine with eating them, just don't see a veg-based meal as a proper meal.

What's the menu on offer OP .......

I've googled vegan weddings and there's lots of delicious food on there.
Everyone concerned with this wedding sounds precious and fussy. What an exhausting way to live your life. I've never heard of someone proclaiming what the food is on a wedding invitation. I've never heard of people declining a wedding invitation because of the food.
I'm not a vegan but would actually relish the thought of going to a vegan wedding. Because it's different.
Let all weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth cease. The most important thing is the marriage. Do you like the groom OP? Are you happy for your daughter?

Eviltwins, are they catering any food besides the hog roast? Obviously a vegan can't eat that at all. Whereas the vast majority of meat eaters will be able to eat vegan buffet food.

BadDoGooder... MUSHROOMS! They are my nemesis. They are found in very many vegetarian and vegan foods, lurking there like slugs - or minced up like a mulch of poisonous nastiness.

I would politely push the food around my plate, searching in vain for a falafel (which I know doesn't include those vile fuckers) and indulge in any obvious greenery, non-contaminated by funghi.

But a vegan can eat pork. They choose not to. As 90% of posts on this thread say "FFS, it's only one meal."

They do have the right to decline though. Personally if I were them I'd try it and if it was bad, sneak out to burger king but if the venue doesn't allow that then I can see why they wouldn't want to go. It was rude of them to say that though, they should have made up an excuse. You do accept when you plan a wedding that some of the people you invite won't go for whatever reason.

Why did you put the information in the invite...?
Anyhow, these people are being really rude! How could your daughter serve them meat (or fish) if she doesn't want to support this industry? And why would anybody expect her to do that on her wedding day...?

Would you say the same to a Hindu that won't serve beef? Or a Buddhist that would want a vegan wedding? You're daughter isn't the problem, these relatives are!

If B refused to go to A's wedding because it was a hog roast, who would be being unreasonable?

B would be being unreasonable unless A supplied a vegan meal. Not an equivalent situation though. B fed A food that A can eat.

Mushrooms can be cooked really badly at times, Lying. They're wonderful things but often end up like slimy slices, I agree.

But the vegan can eat meat. He chooses not to.

I suppose if the bride doesn't mind a flatulant wedding it's all fine. I wouldn't mind eating vegan food but maybe they can't be arsed if your DD is a preachy vegan. My mate is a vegan of this type and she does my head in, Lord love her.

Watching with interest as I have been invited to a booze-free wedding.

Eviltwins, there is a difference between not eating food items for ethical reasons, and eating food based on personal preference. Same applies to religious reasons. Should Jewish people and Muslims have to eat pork too?

These refusers, perhaps they make decisions generally on the basis of whether there is an appealing food reward to tempt them over?

Look its her wedding her choice but equally it is the guests choice whether or not to come. The only rudeness here is in saying that it is because of the food. Its 6 of one half a dozen of the other imo.

Lying sorry, I get frustrated at the people who seem to think vegan food is some weird, far removed from "normal" food thing.
Not having a pop at you espacially a fellow falafel fan

I do see what you mean, but I'm still of the opinion that if people can't be open minded enough to have a go, just for one occasion, then I wouldn't want them there! But I am a stubborn git really!

You beat me to it venus. I think it's fine for people to say what they won't/can't eat (meat, nuts etc...) but rude to say what they will. No one would reasonably turn up at a dinner party with a veggie curry saying "this is disgusting-why is there no meat in this?"