To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

*ashamed to admit I didn't know

I didn't either until I saw a thing online about a chap who frequently sues places for this.

Good on him! Shouldn't be necessary though.

You can't be a mum and have a disability apparently. Lots of comments about that.

I've had grief when parking in a BB bay even as my DH got my wheelchair out of the boot. But I'm more likely to get it when I'm on my own.
I use my wheelchair as I have constant pain and fatigue from arthritis. But when I don't use the chair it doesn't mean I don't have the pain and fatigue.

Dh shouts its a miracle when I stand up from my chair or we pretend not to know each other then he says outrageous things to me. It makes me laugh and stops the horrible comments hurting as much.

Being spoken to like I'm 2yo, not being spoken to at all or being told I can't possibly be/dont look disabled really makes you feel good. Also pull your trousers up people!! I'm eye level with your arses I don't want to see arse crack on display!

The stress of potentially losing the small financial help and more importantly my motability car is huge. I wouldn't be able to get DC to nursery and school so I get some rest or get to the hospital for the numerous appointments. Also being labelled a scrounger or a drain is lovely. The thought of the coming fight to change from DLA to PIP is extremely frightening.

This is all on top of the daily grind of pain, extreme fatigue, side effects from the drugs and drug reactions (which is happening at the moment on the last and final treatment, tried all others either haven't worked or I've been allergic). I almost died from anaphylactic shock before Christmas yet I have to plaster a smile on and get on with my life so my gorgeous DC aren't disadvantaged. I'm desperate to be 'normal,' have a job, go on holidays, even go out for the day during half term. I'm scared of how I'm going to be in 10yrs.

What I find terribly depressing is, someone could post an AIBU about a fucking cheque and get thousands of responses.

This? Yeah a couple of hundred, pretty much all from those affected by it.

I don't want to diminish the fantastic discussion on here as I'm loving it, but where are all the "jeez, I can't believe you go through that" posts? Part of the problem with disability rights is, unless there is a chance to have a go at the Tories (e.g benefit cuts) nobody else seems to think it's worth making a fuss about.

A few years back a three week delay in passports meant that a bunch of people missed a holiday (they should never have booked) because they had no passport. This made front page news for weeks with calls for HS to resign. At the same time, disability claimants were facing a 26 week wait for payments which had been stopped due to the change over to PIP. Nobody gave a shit. Not front page, no mass hysterical. That sort of thing drives me up the wall.😡

I feel the same a second class citizen. I use to use a wheelchair when I was alot younger. I don't any more but still can relate to alot of the things that happen to you. I suffer from Agoraphobia and can't go out by myself. I only go out once a week with my partner. In shops like you the person on the till will give the change to my partner instead of me and will talk to my partner instead of talking to me. Recently the latest thing is people will ask for example where something is and I'll tell them but there don't believe me and will then go and ask someone else. I think why did you ask me in the first place? Just makes me feel stupid and hate the fact people think I lie so much when I'm a very honest person. I feel like the whole world hates me because I can't work I'm constantly been punished I've just lost one of my benefits. So financially things are difficult. I'd love to be a different person and not be ill so I can work. I'm also over weight due to my agoraphobia and lack of exercise I feel society hates me because of this aswell and feel people think I deserve to be treated with less respect because of it. Life's hard enough. with been ill I wish people didn't have to add to it. So I understand I just don't know what to do about it.

I'm not disabled and have never seen disabled people as "less than". Reading this thread has been eye-opening, however - I am utterly shocked and disgusted at the treatment so many of you have described. The nonsense of people speaking to your companions instead of to you etc is something I was aware commonly happens (and of course shouldn't). Lack of accessibility in and around buildings is also something I was sadly aware of. But people moving your wheelchairs or expecting you to move out of their way?! Fucking hell, that has blown my mind. It sickens me that there are people out there who actually think this behaviour is okay. It's beyond shameful. I am so, so sorry that you have had to encounter any and all of the behaviour described on this thread.

I haven't read the whole thread, but it's sad to hear of so much rudeness and disrespect on display. Anybody can have a life changing accident or illness, why would you be so rude to people who have had less luck in the health sakes than yourself? When I started reading, my thoughts were similar to BadDoGooder - the constant stream of negativity that seems to be directed at benefit claimants in the media is perhaps fostering a climate of intolerance. But generally I wonder if there is more rudeness around, towards all sorts of people - overweight people get shouted at on the street, or their food commented on, racism, and the extraordinarily awful things that people feel free to say on-line to and about anyone. Where does all this nastiness come from?

I've not RTWT yet and to read so many of you suffer discrimination in 2016 is terrible. I like to think im quite disability aware. Part of my job is working with a range of mental and physical disabilities. I intend to RTWT when I get a chance to make sure I wouldn't ever make the mistakes lots of you have been endured to take.

Originalfoogirl I too WA hoping for more posts of support but as you say this post isn't as funny as a £100 cheque

I'm able bodied and was so shocked to learn of the treatment you've been getting OP and other Disabled posters. We are in an age of increasing selfishness, road rage, me first, entitled-to-get-what-i-want-now attitudes. The elderly, disabled, LGBT all feeling it I fear. I read this AIBU thread out to my DH which I have NEVER done before (normally would expect sighs/eye rolls) but he was shocked too. I was alerted to the thread from the MN summary AIBU email, and I've gone thru a password reset just so that I can post my support for you here. To answer your question OP, the summary mail said you have the top number of views this week (8,984 views). There is a Share option on this thread heading. Please people use it...

Thank you to those of you who have been bothered though. Each message of support really does mean a lot to me (and others too I'm betting).

Thank you for starting this thread. I am not disabled and had no idea of how ignorant people are to you.

Thank you for the kind words duchess. I'm very pleased to hear almost 9000 people have seen this. If that just makes them a bit more aware of the struggle then my middle of the night rant was worth it.

Yes, I've been shocked and informed by this thread too. So sending you support and Mummyme.

I'm utterly appalled by all the crap that the wheelchair users and others on here have to endure on a daily basis. I live abroad and somehow thought that the UK were ahead of mainland Europe when it comes to accessibility but sadly, it appears not. And I agree with the others on here like OriginalFoogirl that other - lesser issues - get far more coverage and attention (and funding).

Perhaps the power of Mumsnet could be harnessed here?

Though 9000 posts of support would have been even more fantastic!

Thank you Sling .

Get angry, share your experiences!
Tweet #EverydayDisablism
It's a little thing, but I know some people find it helpful to vent. And there's a whole community of activists out there who share your experience and can offer solidarity and support.

I'm a wheelchair user and of course totally relate to a lot of the posts on here. I spent Saturday at a delightful food festival thing, lots of lovely stalls and different types of food to try, could I get near. No. I sit and wait for a space and someone comes up and pushes in front of me. Every time. Someone upthread mentioned sitting looking at people's arses, it's just this.
I'm fortunate that I am a high-earning professional. However as a wheelchair user people assume I am poor -on benefits, unable to work? When I am in hotels, shopping of eating out it can be a big issue; I have been treated like a second class citizen who should not be allowed in their expensive establishment.

I am also fed up with bottoms in my face. What is with the low riding trousers?

It's everywhere ...

Last year we went to look at new builds. The showroom car park was just a gravel pitch, with a step to the show office. Totally inaccessible if you use a wheelchair . But it did look naice, so that's OK.

I don't think it's even just wheelchairs but disabilities in general,facial impairment, speech so forth. My dad had a stoke and his eye dropped and particularly closed and he got funny looks. Ex had a limp due to metalwork from having cancer in his leg as a teenager people would be so rude asking to what happened to his leg. People would be questioning why he would use a disabled badge as a young 20year old couldn't possibly need a disabled badge he genuinely did need a badge. SIL have nerve damage to her legs from a car accident and used a wheelchair eventfully after intensive physio for 2 years she used crutches she endured the same type of discrimination with being young.

I never got people walking into my chair before I became disabled people just saw chair managed to keep themselves normal distended. Since being in wheelchair which is bigger and therefore easier to spit people walk into the va k of me all the time when I'm in cafe restaurant. Drives me bonkers- rarely get wpogise either it's ok. Or like it hurt! Only my neck back drink/food all over me. You woulnt walk into someone's car slam your bag into it with driver watching and just walk off Considering my wheelchair costs more than some people car it's senselessly annoying.

Oh don't get me started on bum thing! Particular favorite at crossing where I stop 6 inches from curb with empty crossing. Someone will come and stand in front of me on the 6 inches!! Like I want to stare at your backside, it's so rude you never get so close to sble boided standing it would been seen as v agressive to push in front of someone in such a tiny space-but wheelchair perfectly acceptable.

I got a lot of satisfaction from venting on here, more than I imagined. Did not realise that other wheelchair users had even worse experiences than me. I now feel more confident to fight back, thanks everyone.

I am gobsmacked by some of the awful behaviour disabled people on here have experienced. What sort of twat would think it acceptable to push someone in a wheelchair out of the way?

I have an autoimmune disease that limits what I can do as I get very tired, and I get enough grief about that. People say "oh I get tired too" and treat me like I am just being lazy, they don't get that my tiredness is not 'normal' tiredness. I cannot imagine how much worse it must be to be disabled

I do remember being stunned by the lack of accessibility in shops etc. after DD was born. Having to manoeuvre a pushchair about really opened my eyes to the difficulties a wheelchair user faces trying to lead a normal life. It disgusted me how poorly designed most public spaces still are even though we are in the 21st century. Grrr